To tell or not to tell, that is the question

[Tigerlily]

Better question would be, if you knew a fellow forumite was seeing someone on here and you knew their husband/wife would you tell?

There can be quite a gap between a forumite acqauintance and a friendship. This is just a nasty situation all the way around. If I considered her to be a good friend I would tell her myself. Even if you corner the husband you have no way of ensuring he will fess up. Unless you make him tell her or you tell her yourself and you do it in front of him an her both.

 

[Larry Gude]

If that...

You never know, perhaps the friend and her husband have an agreement about his being able to be unfaithful.

I find that it's best to keep it to myself in those situations because you don't know what the circumstances of their relationship are.

...is the case, then it should be NO problem whatsoever.

"I saw your husband cheating."

"Oh, it's OK. We have an 'agreement'. Thanks for caring!"

Right?

 

[wkndbeacher]

There can be quite a gap between a forumite acqauintance and a friendship. This is just a nasty situation all the way around. If I considered her to be a good friend I would tell her myself. Even if you corner the husband you have no way of ensuring he will fess up. Unless you make him tell her or you tell her yourself and you do it in front of him an her both.

Interesting.

 

[mAlice]

Never stick your nose in other people's business. Never.

 

[Dye Tied]

You never know, perhaps the friend and her husband have an agreement about his being able to be unfaithful.
I find that it's best to keep it to myself in those situations because you don't know what the circumstances of their relationship are.

If there is an agreement, then it's not unfaithful.

 

[wkndbeacher]

Never stick your nose in other people's business. Never.

Exactly, because you always end up the bad guy no matter what the outcome.

 

[wifey]

You should have walked up while he was with the wench and inquired as to the well being of his wife and two small children

Did go up to him while he was alone that night and asked him what he was doing and that he needs to tell his wife.

 

[wifey]

What would you expect from Gertrude if she were in this spot?


Is there any chance, any at all, that what you saw isn't what it seemed?

I know exactly what I saw along with my two friends. Once Walter opened his eyes from having his tongue down her throat and realized he had been seen they just looked at each other and went to opposite sides of the building. They left quickly after that.

 

[wifey]

You never know, perhaps the friend and her husband have an agreement about his being able to be unfaithful.

I find that it's best to keep it to myself in those situations because you don't know what the circumstances of their relationship are.

I know them enough that this is not the case. She loves children and family is everything to her. This is where I am torn. The right thing to do is to tell but I know I will be queen B!TCH and feel somewhat responsible for possible breaking up a marriage although maybe it would be a good thing. Migtig's words were deep.

 

[ocean733]

If I were your BFF, I'd want/expect you to tell me. But that's just me.

 

[vraiblonde]

Exactly, because you always end up the bad guy no matter what the outcome.

I'd rather be the bad guy and a good friend then vice versa.

But, again, I wouldn't just immediately run off and tell her. I'd give him the opportunity to come clean first. I know I would be devastated and would hate my "friend" for life if they knew something like that and didn't tell me. That would be almost worse than the cheating husband.

 

[Poohhunny1605]

Have good female friend who we will name Gertrude. Saw her husband of 3 years who we will name Walter out with another woman this weekend kissing and rubing heavily. They are definitely still married. Walter had the look of death when he realized I saw him. Gertrude has heart of gold and they have 2 small children(under 2) together. It would crush her. Do you tell Gertrude what you saw? If Gertrude was out with another man do you tell Walter?

Asking general question here. If you saw best friend's spouse out cheating do you tell the best friend? If best friend was out cheating do you tell the spouse? If you were just so so friends or just knew who ther person was do you tell the spouse? At what point do you tell spouse and when do you keep out?

I would give her husband like a week or so to tell her and come upfront about it. If he doesn't, than I would tell her. Tell her that you wanted to wait and see if he would be honest and if not, you wanted to be honest with her. She may get mad and embarrassed, but hey, thats all a part of life and atleast you were upfront and honest with her...bros before hoes(well in this case, hoes before bros lol)

 

[cattitude]

Never stick your nose in other people's business. Never.

I'm inclined to agree with you. When you decide to take matters into your own hands, you never know what you will do to a family.

 

[vraiblonde]

When you decide to take matters into your own hands, you never know what you will do to a family.

Wait a minute. The husband is the one screwing up the family, not the friend. If he's out in public with his chickie, chances are good other people have seen them as well. So now it's being whispered about and she's a public fool without even realizing it.

That is totally not fair to her.

 

[cattitude]

Wait a minute. The husband is the one screwing up the family, not the friend. If he's out in public with his chickie, chances are good other people have seen them as well. So now it's being whispered about and she's a public fool without even realizing it.

That is totally not fair to her.

Maybe it's not fair for the wife, but if he's stupid enough to crap in his own backyard, the stink will catch up to him soon enough.

 

[lugebob]

I know them enough that this is not the case. She loves children and family is everything to her. This is where I am torn. The right thing to do is to tell but I know I will be queen B!TCH and feel somewhat responsible for possible breaking up a marriage although maybe it would be a good thing. Migtig's words were deep.

Do not automatically think the marriage will break up. It most certainly will if the damage is left to continue and believe it or not Im thinking your paths crossed for a reason. If you do nothing, he will continue with extra confidence in people minding their own business. If you challenge him, the guilt of getting caught just MAY change his ways. I personally would do the following.
1.pray for strength and wisdom on this situation
2. Confront the sinner (out of love for your friends and kids)
3 Be there for your friend.

And as far as minding you own business.... if it effects you enough to post here it is now effecting your life and you need to take charge of your life. If all the "do gooders" stand around and mind their own business things will only get worse. Make a stand...... marriages, burning flags, gay marriage, gangs, drugs...

How do I know this?
I was caught red handed in a similar situation. Thank God before it was to late. #### hit the fan for a year, but my wife and I are doing better than ever once I re-earned her trust.

 

[vraiblonde]

Maybe it's not fair for the wife, but if he's stupid enough to crap in his own backyard, the stink will catch up to him soon enough.

Not if nobody tells her. What they'll do is just gossip about her behind her back. That's pretty much the way it goes.

 

[Larry Gude]

How so?

Maybe it's not fair for the wife, but if he's stupid enough to crap in his own backyard, the stink will catch up to him soon enough.

If everyone is being diligent about 'minding their own business' why can't people just cheat and lie with impunity? How would anyone ever know?

 

[cattitude]

Not if nobody tells her. What they'll do is just gossip about her behind her back. That's pretty much the way it goes.

If everyone is being diligent about 'minding their own business' why can't people just cheat and lie with impunity? How would anyone ever know?

I think people know or at least have an idea when a spouse is cheating. Maybe she doesn't want to know?

I would think people wouldn't lie and cheat because they have integrity and morals and wouldn't need the fear of people ratting them out in order to
"behave."

 

[Larry Gude]

My best friends...

I think people know or at least have an idea when a spouse is cheating. Maybe she doesn't want to know?

I would think people wouldn't lie and cheat because they have integrity and morals and wouldn't need the fear of people ratting them out in order to
"behave."

...mom actually told me a good man has a duty to not tell his wife when he cheats. This was in context of her Clinton worship. She actually buys the story that says Bill only cheated once, maybe twice. Her husband also cheated on her and she says he only told her to hurt her. I was stunned.

I guess there are plenty of people who live by 'hear no, see no, speak no' but being able to get on with you life seems a whole lot more fair to me.