To tell or not to tell, that is the question

W

wifey

New Member
MDTerps said:
Speaking from experience, as the one who was cheated on.

Have proof to show your friend. While you want to trust your friends and believe that they are telling the truth. You want to believe your spouse 100 times more.
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This is what I fear that she will believe the spouse over me. I will lose a friend or if I dont, I will have to worry about the husband or the mistress trying to ruin my life. It sucks you walk into the right place at the wrong time and see what you didnt want to see and now you are caught up in the middle of something you didnt want to be involved with.
 
rack'm

rack'm

Jaded
wifey said:
This is what I fear that she will believe the spouse over me. I will lose a friend or if I dont, I will have to worry about the husband or the mistress trying to ruin my life. It sucks you walk into the right place at the wrong time and see what you didnt want to see and now you are caught up in the middle of something you didnt want to be involved with.
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Why worry about them messing with your life, unless you're out boinking someone on your babydaddy. :shrug:
 
mAlice

mAlice

professional daydreamer
wifey said:
This is what I fear that she will believe the spouse over me. I will lose a friend or if I dont, I will have to worry about the husband or the mistress trying to ruin my life. It sucks you walk into the right place at the wrong time and see what you didnt want to see and now you are caught up in the middle of something you didnt want to be involved with.
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:rolleyes:
 
P

poster

New Member
vraiblonde said:
If BF's spouse was cheating, I would tell him that he better tell her or I'm going to.

If BF was cheating, I wouldn't say a word, but she would cease to be my BF because cheating is a character issue with me. If she'd screw over her husband, she'd certainly have no qualms about screwing me over.
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My exact reaction to this but with one addition...

In the senario you decribed I would have walked right up to them said hello and asked his date if she was aware that he was married with children. I would do the same to the friend.

You play you pay, ultimately spouses only answer to each other but I would have made it known I saw and did not agree.
 
beerlover

beerlover

New Member
I say leave it alone. Walter is just getting something from his 'ho that he doesn't get at home. That doesn't mean he doesn't still love his wife and kids. Maybe it was only a one time thing, and maybe he realizes it was a mistake? What if the kissing and a little rubbing is as far as it ever went? Is that worth throwing a wrench into their family workings over? Sure it's bad and immoral and rude to the wife and all, but I don't think it's anybody's business but their's. How do you know Gertie isn't out getting her hunch on at the same time Walter is out? It just isn't your business. But you know you're going to tell her. Women love to tell a bad secret to other women, and the more hurtful the better. Women seem to delight in the misfortune and misery of their own kind.
 
Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
beerlover said:
I say leave it alone. Walter is just getting something from his 'ho that he doesn't get at home. That doesn't mean he doesn't still love his wife and kids. Maybe it was only a one time thing, and maybe he realizes it was a mistake? What if the kissing and a little rubbing is as far as it ever went? Is that worth throwing a wrench into their family workings over? Sure it's bad and immoral and rude to the wife and all, but I don't think it's anybody's business but their's. How do you know Gertie isn't out getting her hunch on at the same time Walter is out? It just isn't your business. But you know you're going to tell her. Women love to tell a bad secret to other women, and the more hurtful the better. Women seem to delight in the misfortune and misery of their own kind.
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:rolleyes: Not all women.
 
P

poster

New Member
wifey said:
I know exactly what I saw along with my two friends. Once Walter opened his eyes from having his tongue down her throat and realized he had been seen they just looked at each other and went to opposite sides of the building. They left quickly after that.

I know them enough that this is not the case. She loves children and family is everything to her. This is where I am torn. The right thing to do is to tell but I know I will be queen B!TCH and feel somewhat responsible for possible breaking up a marriage although maybe it would be a good thing. Migtig's words were deep.
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Do not feel responsible. You pretty much don't have a choice at this point. There are others that know, it will get to her and she will eventually know you knew it. It's up to the couple to repair and make their marriage a good thing. Right now they definetly DON'T have a good thing.

Your resposibility in this is to be willing to LISTEN, don't give advice, if she wants to confide in you. Do not repeat what you know, it's up to them if they wish to share info with outsiders.
 
beerlover

beerlover

New Member
Of course, not all women. But you know there are a lot out there like that. And I'm not saying Walter isn't a douche.
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
Lol!

beerlover said:
I say leave it alone. Walter is just getting something from his 'ho that he doesn't get at home. That doesn't mean he doesn't still love his wife and kids. Maybe it was only a one time thing, and maybe he realizes it was a mistake? What if the kissing and a little rubbing is as far as it ever went? Is that worth throwing a wrench into their family workings over? Sure it's bad and immoral and rude to the wife and all, but I don't think it's anybody's business but their's. How do you know Gertie isn't out getting her hunch on at the same time Walter is out? It just isn't your business. But you know you're going to tell her. Women love to tell a bad secret to other women, and the more hurtful the better. Women seem to delight in the misfortune and misery of their own kind.
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Whose throwing the wrench? Who is deciding if it's worth it or not???

This is a fascinating concept, trying to put the blame for peoples actions on someone else for words. Guess that's part of why some people have a tough time sometimes deciding between what to say and what not to say when they have to worry that someone is going to try and blame it all on them.

:lmao:
 
beerlover

beerlover

New Member
Larry Gude said:
Whose throwing the wrench? Who is deciding if it's worth it or not???

This is a fascinating concept, trying to put the blame for peoples actions on someone else for words. Guess that's part of why some people have a tough time sometimes deciding between what to say and what not to say when they have to worry that someone is going to try and blame it all on them.

:lmao:
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I'm not trying to blame her. It's definitely Walter's fault alone if it is in fact what it appears to be. I just say it's not her business and not her place to tell. But I would probably post something similar if my wife were as active on this board as your's is!!!! :lmao:
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
How is it...

beerlover said:
I'm not trying to blame her. It's definitely Walter's fault alone if it is in fact what it appears to be. I just say it's not her business and not her place to tell. But I would probably post something similar if my wife were as active on this board as your's is!!!! :lmao:
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...not anyone's business? If it happened to you and you found out latter that people you know just never said anything, would you be happy about that?

As I said, if it's OK between the couple, then it's OK, so, no big deal, like you just told them you saw their spouse at the gym.
 
Etred101

Etred101

New Member
wifey said:
This is what I fear that she will believe the spouse over me. I will lose a friend or if I dont, I will have to worry about the husband or the mistress trying to ruin my life. It sucks you walk into the right place at the wrong time and see what you didnt want to see and now you are caught up in the middle of something you didnt want to be involved with.
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Before you go down this path, make sure:
1. Your motives are pure - you are not being officious or trying to injure someone.
2. You will be honest and factual about it. Leave the conclusions or judgments to others. If she does not believe you - so be it. You are not an advocate. Have no opinion about what she should do about it.
3. You will be supportive of your friend and the difficult time which she and or her family will face.
4. You will not have any (outward) judgment or hard feelings for the husband as it not your issue.

Then you can look in the mirror. You can look everyone involved in the eye.
 
beerlover

beerlover

New Member
Larry Gude said:
...not anyone's business? If it happened to you and you found out latter that people you know just never said anything, would you be happy about that?

As I said, if it's OK between the couple, then it's OK, so, no big deal, like you just told them you saw their spouse at the gym.
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I suppose I would want someone to tell me. I just wouldn't want anyone to tell ON me.
 
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