Who gets the final say?
- Thread starter Club'nBabySeals
- Start date
Marriage is not about winning and losingLarry Gude said:
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
Girlfriend, you apparently didn't watch Oprah the other day. She had a lady on who had been a SAH mom for years, lived in a beautiful community in a beautiful home and she thought everything was peachy. Out of the blue, hubby wanted a divorce. Now she's an almost 50 year-old living w/family, unable to support herself, no savings, no retirement, nada.Mousebaby said:
Club'nBabySeals
Where are my pants?
Cowgirl said:
The issue is the manner by which the parents put their baby to sleep for naps and nighttime.
Mother prefers to rock or nurse baby to sleep. Father believes this method is ruining baby's ability to "self-soothe" and wants mother to put baby down to "cry it out" until baby cries itself to sleep. Mother believes the "cry it out" method is not ideal for a young baby.
There is documented research and anecdotal parenting advice on both ends of the spectrum; but neither side of experts have produced conclusive proof that one method is superior to the others. Wash away the Ph.Ds, and it's a matter of personal preference.
kwillia
n/a
A sleep routine is a learned/environmental habit. The normal sleep process contains semi-awake moments in a given rest period and if a child is conditioned to expect outside sources of soothing, how does Mom propose her child will eventually come to expect otherwise... since it is not something that is considered a phase that comes with time or age?Club'nBabySeals said:
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sockgirl77
Well-Known Member
I win. He never argues with me. Mother knows best.
Who cares? You have a brief period of time to rock and nurse your baby to sleep and I say take advantage of it. They get to be toddlers and those days are pretty much over unless they're not feeling well.kwillia said:
Mommies, rock your babies!!
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
Larry Gude said:...so to say 'embarrassing', you're just being humble seeings how you usually won.
Oh honey, she didn't say it was embarrassing for her.... She was refering to you...
Kidding, kidding but I couldn't resist.Club'n, how old is the baby. I think that is a KEY factor.
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
vraiblonde said:
I agree! I will still rock either one of my kids (5 and almost 3) if they'll let me. If they're just using it as a delay tactic than no but if it's coming up on bedtime and I ask them if they want to be rocked and they say yes than I will. That's the fondest memory I have of my mother and they're aren't too many.
amethyst_babes
New Member
vraiblonde said:
I nursed my kids to sleep every night and they have no problems sleeping now at 6 and 3.
I think it's wrong to try to teach a baby, who will not understand what is going on, that Mommy and Daddy aren't there to comfort her when she needs them.
Club'nBabySeals
Where are my pants?
pixiegirl said:
Baby is six months of age.
kwillia
n/a
I did the "soother" method with my first born and didn't have an exit strategy as to him being able to get to sleep without me having to be there when he was drifting off... this ended up going on well into the elementary school years...vraiblonde said:
I didn't make the same mistake twice. 2nd one was MUCH easier and slept much better as a result.No way am I saying you shouldn't be a part of their bedtime routine, and that routine should most certainly involve lots of cuddles and lovin', however, I really believe it impacts their sleep as well as the sleep of the parents when the child expects mom to be there as they drift off every time they drift off.
cattitude
My Sweetest Boy
Club'nBabySeals said:
Rock the baby....
I don't think that has anything to do with self-soothing. I rocked both of mine in the evening and talked or sang to them as a way of settling down for the evening. They weren't necessarily asleep when I would put them to bed. I think it differs from kids that constantly wake up during the night and cry out and don't "soothe" themselves back to sleep.
And I rocked my grandkids too.
kwillia
n/a
As you can see, there is no right and complete answer so back to your original line of questioning... how does bedtime impact Dad? In my house, I was always the primary tucker-inner and therefore was the primary person impacted by the decisions made on bedtime routine. How much is Dad impacted by your decision to continue to sooth until she's asleep? I'm thinking if he is just impacted every now and again, your view should hold the most weight. :shrug:Club'nBabySeals said:
kwillia
n/a
See... I read her post to mean she isn't putting the baby down until it's asleep and that she does have to respond in the night in order for the baby to settle back in to sleep. All of my posts have been based on that interpretation. I don't see her talking simply about rocking and cuddling the baby to relaxation... I see no argument there and of course rocking and cuddling should be part of a bedtime routine and don't see Dad having a problem if it was just that she was talking about... :shrug:cattitude said:
nightowl
New Member
I always try to spend quality time with my kids before bedtime (reading a story, hanging out on their bed for a few minutes, just talking). At 6 months old I don't think there is anything wrong with rocking your baby and/or nursing him/her to sleep. I do think as the baby gets older you will need to have a good routine of how bedtime goes. With kids it's all about routine and if the kid(s) knows the rules then there shouldn't be any problems later on. As my kids got older some nights they would cry it out after I knew for sure they were dry and fed. But we really didn't have many of those type nights.
I've always thought it was important that kids are in their own space, meaning don't rock or nurse them in your bed otherwise you might end up with the whole family bed thing going on. Some of course think that's an ok thing but I think parents and kids need their own sleep space. I have 3 kids and all go to bed great. My husband and I take turns with bath time and story time too so that it's not just one of us always doing bedtime.
Good luck with the whole situation.
I've always thought it was important that kids are in their own space, meaning don't rock or nurse them in your bed otherwise you might end up with the whole family bed thing going on. Some of course think that's an ok thing but I think parents and kids need their own sleep space. I have 3 kids and all go to bed great. My husband and I take turns with bath time and story time too so that it's not just one of us always doing bedtime.
Good luck with the whole situation.
Club'nBabySeals
Where are my pants?
kwillia said:
Dad is responsible for putting baby down to nap or bed approximately 25% of the time. Mom handles the other 75%.
Baby co-sleeps with mom and dad, and has no problem with waking up in the middle of the night...only getting to sleep in the first place.
