Wife getting fat.....help!!!

[CRoyal]

I can tell by reading the responses to this thread who got fat after marriage and who didn't in their lifetime... I think it comes right down to a health concern. You didn't marry someone so they can ruin their health and not be there for the long haul.

 

[Misfit]

I can tell by reading the responses to this thread who got fat after marriage and who didn't in their lifetime... I think it comes right down to a health concern. You didn't marry someone so they can ruin their health and not be there for the long haul.

I hadn't thought of it like that.

 

[Crewdawg141]

I can tell by reading the responses to this thread who got fat after marriage and who didn't in their lifetime... I think it comes right down to a health concern. You didn't marry someone so they can ruin their health and not be there for the long haul.

Well stated!

 

[SoMD_Fun_Guy]

I can tell by reading the responses to this thread who got fat after marriage and who didn't in their lifetime... I think it comes right down to a health concern. You didn't marry someone so they can ruin their health and not be there for the long haul.

good point.

 

[Misfit]

I can tell by reading the responses to this thread who got fat after marriage and who didn't in their lifetime

You can tell more by who stopped responding after post 15.

 

[CRoyal]

You can tell more by who stopped responding after post 15.

womp, womp.. No one wants to post their weight on a public forum tho.

 

[kom526]

I read most of that thread and some of the advice was pretty sound and logical and did not involve any lawyers. The best one IMHO was using a life insurance upgrade (physical required) as a catalyst to spark a change in life.

Too many people readily accept the convenient excuses that some doctors, quacks, dieticians and charlatans toss out there such as stress, genetics etc. Sure there are some health issues that limit your activity levels but getting fat, being fat and staying fat is NOT because you lost the "gene lottery". There are millions of success stories out there about people who were absolute Jabba the Hutts but are now in great shape because they stopped making and accepting excuses and decided that a healthier lifestyle was far more important than that medium double #4 with bbq sauce and a coke from Wendy's.

 

[warneckutz]

I don't think he's being a jerk at all. It seems as if she's making no effort to try to lose the weight. If there's a valid excuse, like a medical condition, fine he's being a jerk, but it reads as if she's just lazy.

 

[Crewdawg141]

You can tell more by who stopped responding after post 15.

To be honest I am in a similar boat as the initial subject of this thread, except for my g/f has not had any kids. She now wants one but she has gained 50+ lbs after getting off of the pill and well I am having doubts about our future as time passes. We have been together for over 10 years, I started reading this thread for other opinions/advice.

 

[Bann]

I can tell by reading the responses to this thread who got fat after marriage and who didn't in their lifetime... I think it comes right down to a health concern. You di
dn't marry someone so they can ruin their health and not be there for the long haul.

I agree that you don't marry someone so they can ruin their health- and that door swings both ways. You would be wrong about everyone in this tread gaining weight after marriage. I had lost all my pregnancy weight & was in better shape when I divorced than my ex. My life insurance rates (for a woman over 40) were less than half what my ex's was. AND I was an ex-smoker & he never smoked at all. To this day I am in as good if not better shape healthwise as I was in my 30's.

 

[Misfit]

To be honest I am in a similar boat as the initial subject of this thread, except for my g/f has not had any kids. She now wants one but she has gained 50+ lbs after getting off of the pill and well I am having doubts about our future as time passes. We have been together for over 10 years, I started reading this thread for other opinions/advice.

I've realized you can't change your SO. In fact if you try things get worse. If you want change it has to be you. Start liking plumbers or turn the lights off and squeeze your eyes shut really really hard. It could be breast, it could be belly who knows.....

 

[Crewdawg141]

I agree that you don't marry someone so they can ruin their health- and that door swings both ways. You would be wrong about everyone in this tread gaining weight after marriage. I had lost all my pregnancy weight & was in better shape when I divorced than my ex. My life insurance rates (for a woman over 40) were less than half what my ex's was. AND I was an ex-smoker & he never smoked at all. To this day I am in as good if not better shape healthwise as I was in my 30's.

Congrats on improving your heath! No intended!

 

[Crewdawg141]

I've realized you can't change your SO. In fact if you try things get worse. If you want change it has to be you. Start liking plumbers or turn the lights off and squeeze your eyes shut really really hard. It could be breast, it could be belly who knows.....

She hasn't gotten to the Dunlap stage but I am fearful that it is not too far behind. Her mom is far from a stellar example of an attractive feminine figure. I am afraid that the old statement of "she will look like her mother in 20 years" will come true.

 

[libertytyranny]

To be honest I am in a similar boat as the initial subject of this thread, except for my g/f has not had any kids. She now wants one but she has gained 50+ lbs after getting off of the pill and well I am having doubts about our future as time passes. We have been together for over 10 years, I started reading this thread for other opinions/advice.

I have noticed, that sometimes when people aren't happy for many reasons, they try to find something they can "blame" it on...or explain why they aren't happy anymore. I tend to think that if you really loved someone and are in a commited and strong relationship, something like weight isn't a huge deal (unless its frank obesity and totally unhealthy) and can be discussed in a mature relationship and worked on. I don't think that if people are totally unhappy and doubting a relationship, that is is going to be fixed by some weight loss. I don't know about you, but I think the OPs problem goes beyond weight. He doesn't sound like someone lovingly concerned about someone...he sounds like he needs an excuse to get rid of her :shrug:

 

[SamSpade]

Take out or increase her coverage on your life insurance policy. If she won't take care of her health, you might as well make the best of it.

 

[lovinmaryland]

Just because he never said anything does not mean he has not thought it.

He loves me regardless of my weight. He'd love me if I was bald, lost a leg, eye, etc... vice versa for me

Probably because it doesn't matter "in the grand scheme of things" to him and/or because he's not a dolt and realizes that a woman gains weight when she's pregnant. Some women can lose it fast - others can't. Eventually, most women have to work pretty hard to lose weight they gained in their pregnancies.

I gained 45lbs with BOTH pregnancies, (the first one I didn't watch what I ate & the 2nd one I was 35 yo & was seeing a dietician and STILL gained that much weight). While I'm not carrying that weight any longer - it isn't easy to lose that much weight. Twice. :shrug:

Thank you.

My weight has fluctuated ever since I had kids. I gain, then lose, then gain, the lose. I went from a size 26 to a size 8. Got pregnant and am now a 20/22. Once I have surgery on my foot I hope to be able to get back in the gym and get back down to fighting weight

 

[Crewdawg141]

Take out or increase her coverage on your life insurance policy. If she won't take care of her health, you might as well make the best of it.

At this point if something happened to either of us neither would benefit, our parents would. She does not want to get married because "If we were to marry and a divorce came up, I(she) would not benefit because I(she) earns more money than I do. Marriage is nothing but a legal arrangement where I(she) would get screwed."

 

[CRoyal]

I agree that you don't marry someone so they can ruin their health- and that door swings both ways. You would be wrong about everyone in this tread gaining weight after marriage. I had lost all my pregnancy weight & was in better shape when I divorced than my ex. My life insurance rates (for a woman over 40) were less than half what my ex's was. AND I was an ex-smoker & he never smoked at all. To this day I am in as good if not better shape healthwise as I was in my 30's.

I didn't say everyone, some I'm sure. Good job being healthy

 

[SoMD_Fun_Guy]

He loves me regardless of my weight. He'd love me if I was bald, lost a leg, eye, etc... vice versa for me

Thank you.

My weight has fluctuated ever since I had kids. I gain, then lose, then gain, the lose. I went from a size 26 to a size 8. Got pregnant and am now a 20/22. Once I have surgery on my foot I hope to be able to get back in the gym and get back down to fighting weight

You've got the right attitude. Good for you. Keep at it.
And best of luck.

 

[kom526]

At this point if something happened to either of us neither would benefit, our parents would. She does not want to get married because "If we were to marry and a divorce came up, I(she) would not benefit because I(she) earns more money than I do. Marriage is nothing but a legal arrangement where I(she) would get screwed."

Sounds like a cup of sunshine to me.