Wife getting fat.....help!!!

[Crewdawg141]

Sounds like a cup of sunshine to me.

She can be.

 

[vraiblonde]

I have noticed, that sometimes when people aren't happy for many reasons, they try to find something they can "blame" it on...or explain why they aren't happy anymore. I tend to think that if you really loved someone and are in a commited and strong relationship, something like weight isn't a huge deal (unless its frank obesity and totally unhealthy) and can be discussed in a mature relationship and worked on. I don't think that if people are totally unhappy and doubting a relationship, that is is going to be fixed by some weight loss. I don't know about you, but I think the OPs problem goes beyond weight. He doesn't sound like someone lovingly concerned about someone...he sounds like he needs an excuse to get rid of her :shrug:

I love you a bushel and a peck

If the marriage was happy and solid, her extra poundage wouldn't bother him in the least.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

Maybe having two kids within 4 years has put too much stress on her physically and emotionally. Maybe she knows she's gained weight and is depressed. Maybe he doesn't give her the emotional support she needs.

Reading one side of the story does not fill in all the blanks. And I think there are alot of shallow people on this forum who only love someone for what they look like on the outside and not what's on the inside. Maybe he's a wife beater and she needs the extra padding for protection.

How would he feel if she were in a car accident and was disfigured? Oh, she doesn't look the same, let me get a lawyer and file for divorce. Oh, she has cancer and lost her beautiful hair, let me get a new replacement. Shallow people.

When you love someone, you should love them for who they are, the PERSON you fell in love with, not the imagine of the person you fell in love with.

Just remember, not many people look exactly what they looked like on their wedding day 20 years later. If you are in it for the looks today, don't get married, they won't look the same in 20, 30 or 60 years. Save yourself lots of lawyer fees and just trade them in on a new model when the tires need changing.

 

[vraiblonde]

Maybe having two kids within 4 years has put too much stress on her physically and emotionally. Maybe she knows she's gained weight and is depressed. Maybe he doesn't give her the emotional support she needs.

Reading one side of the story does not fill in all the blanks. And I think there are alot of shallow people on this forum who only love someone for what they look like on the outside and not what's on the inside. Maybe he's a wife beater and she needs the extra padding for protection.

How would he feel if she were in a car accident and was disfigured? Oh, she doesn't look the same, let me get a lawyer and file for divorce. Oh, she has cancer and lost her beautiful hair, let me get a new replacement. Shallow people.

When you love someone, you should love them for who they are, the PERSON you fell in love with, not the imagine of the person you fell in love with.

Just remember, not many people look exactly what they looked like on their wedding day 20 years later. If you are in it for the looks today, don't get married, they won't look the same in 20, 30 or 60 years. Save yourself lots of lawyer fees and just trade them in on a new model when the tires need changing.

I love you a bushel and a peck, too!

 

[SoMD_Fun_Guy]

Maybe having two kids within 4 years has put too much stress on her physically and emotionally. Maybe she knows she's gained weight and is depressed. Maybe he doesn't give her the emotional support she needs.

Reading one side of the story does not fill in all the blanks. And I think there are alot of shallow people on this forum who only love someone for what they look like on the outside and not what's on the inside. Maybe he's a wife beater and she needs the extra padding for protection.

How would he feel if she were in a car accident and was disfigured? Oh, she doesn't look the same, let me get a lawyer and file for divorce. Oh, she has cancer and lost her beautiful hair, let me get a new replacement. Shallow people.

When you love someone, you should love them for who they are, the PERSON you fell in love with, not the imagine of the person you fell in love with.

Just remember, not many people look exactly what they looked like on their wedding day 20 years later. If you are in it for the looks today, don't get married, they won't look the same in 20, 30 or 60 years. Save yourself lots of lawyer fees and just trade them in on a new model when the tires need changing.

Very well stated!

 

[SoMDGirl42]

I love you a bushel and a peck, too!

Very well stated!

Thank you.

 

[libby]

Maybe having two kids within 4 years has put too much stress on her physically and emotionally. Maybe she knows she's gained weight and is depressed. Maybe he doesn't give her the emotional support she needs.

Reading one side of the story does not fill in all the blanks. And I think there are alot of shallow people on this forum who only love someone for what they look like on the outside and not what's on the inside. Maybe he's a wife beater and she needs the extra padding for protection.

How would he feel if she were in a car accident and was disfigured? Oh, she doesn't look the same, let me get a lawyer and file for divorce. Oh, she has cancer and lost her beautiful hair, let me get a new replacement. Shallow people.

When you love someone, you should love them for who they are, the PERSON you fell in love with, not the imagine of the person you fell in love with.

Just remember, not many people look exactly what they looked like on their wedding day 20 years later. If you are in it for the looks today, don't get married, they won't look the same in 20, 30 or 60 years. Save yourself lots of lawyer fees and just trade them in on a new model when the tires need changing.

There is a huge difference between being the victim of a tragic accident or illness, and lacking the self-control or discipline to make life changes. I'm over 40, have eight children, I'm 5'8" and 130lbs. I work out every other day to manage it.
My dh was putting on weight a few years ago, after being healthy all of his life. His own sister is a giant and there was no way I wasn't going to point it out every time he took out a box of Cheez-Its for a snack. It took some time but he manned up and started to watch it again.
People need to stop pussy-footing around women and their "feelings", too. Can't say anything to a woman these days (and I'm one of them). They blame childbirth, PMS and societal pressures for everything. Good grief!

 

[migtig]

There is a huge difference between being the victim of a tragic accident or illness, and lacking the self-control or discipline to make life changes. I'm over 40, have eight children, I'm 5'8" and 130lbs. I work out every other day to manage it.
My dh was putting on weight a few years ago, after being healthy all of his life. His own sister is a giant and there was no way I wasn't going to point it out every time he took out a box of Cheez-Its for a snack. It took some time but he manned up and started to watch it again.
People need to stop pussy-footing around women and their "feelings", too. Can't say anything to a woman these days (and I'm one of them). They blame childbirth, PMS and societal pressures for everything. Good grief!

I blame cookies. Bad bad bad cookies....oh so yummy and delicious...they are evil. Therefore the devil made me eat them and that means it's the devil's fault too. And that is why I am so obese.

 

[cricketmd]

I blame cookies. Bad bad bad cookies....oh so yummy and delicious...they are evil. Therefore the devil made me eat them and that means it's the devil's fault too. And that is why I am so obese.

 

[libby]

I blame cookies. Bad bad bad cookies....oh so yummy and delicious...they are evil. Therefore the devil made me eat them and that means it's the devil's fault too. And that is why I am so obese.

As long as you're not complaining about your weight, and don't whine when your SO does, then go for it.

 

[DaisyDuke]

I can tell by reading the responses to this thread who got fat after marriage and who didn't in their lifetime... I think it comes right down to a health concern. You didn't marry someone so they can ruin their health and not be there for the long haul.

I'm not overweight, didn't get fat after I got married, have two kids, and I still think he's being an ass.

 

[migtig]

Shush you. Or I'll give you a cookie.

As long as you're not complaining about your weight, and don't whine when your SO does, then go for it.

Um okay. But the devil made me do it. Maybe the devil will make me smother my husband with my love fat from all the cookies I eat. Then I'll be an obese murderess and it'll all be the devil's fault for creating cookies.

 

[DaisyDuke]

There is a huge difference between being the victim of a tragic accident or illness, and lacking the self-control or discipline to make life changes. I'm over 40, have eight children, I'm 5'8" and 130lbs. I work out every other day to manage it.
My dh was putting on weight a few years ago, after being healthy all of his life. His own sister is a giant and there was no way I wasn't going to point it out every time he took out a box of Cheez-Its for a snack. It took some time but he manned up and started to watch it again.
People need to stop pussy-footing around women and their "feelings", too. Can't say anything to a woman these days (and I'm one of them). They blame childbirth, PMS and societal pressures for everything. Good grief!

Good for you, but I think the poster is being superficial. Hey, I'm all for telling your significant other (in a constructive way) that they aren't taking care of themselves, let's start eating better, etc, but come on....

 

[libby]

Good for you, but I think the poster is being superficial. Hey, I'm all for telling your significant other (in a constructive way) that they aren't taking care of themselves, let's start eating better, etc, but come on....

Superficial? Good heavens, he says she's "starting" to gain weight and she's 185! Sounds to me like she "started" gaining weight 50 lbs. ago. Let's assume for a second that for these most recent 50lbs. he's been encouraging her to walk, eat right, etc, but the scales keep tipping. I mean, how obese does she have to be before he's allowed to call a spade a spade?

 

[DaisyDuke]

Superficial? Good heavens, he says she's "starting" to gain weight and she's 185! Sounds to me like she "started" gaining weight 50 lbs. ago. Let's assume for a second that for these most recent 50lbs. he's been encouraging her to walk, eat right, etc, but the scales keep tipping. I mean, how obese does she have to be before he's allowed to call a spade a spade?

Yep, superficial.

I said I'm all for encouraging the weight loss, etc.

The last paragraph in his post is what I'm stuck on. That's what I'm getting irritated with. He calls her a slob and says he can't wait til the kids are 18, blah, blah. He's not doing anyone any favors with that mentality. Granted I don't know both sides of the story, but it sounds like there's more to it than her weight gain.

 

[libby]

Would he be allowed to be upset if she was drunk every night? Not violent, and perhaps even a happy drunk, but drunk nonetheless. Would he be allowed to say he can't wait to get out of that situation?

 

[DaisyDuke]

Would he be allowed to be upset if she was drunk every night? Not violent, and perhaps even a happy drunk, but drunk nonetheless. Would he be allowed to say he can't wait to get out of that situation?

Being drunk and overweight, albeit both unhealthy, are different. He's allowed to say what he wants, and express distaste with both. I just think he's being extreme. To each their own.

 

[thurley42]

Being drunk and overweight, albeit both unhealthy, are different. He's allowed to say what he wants, and express distaste with both. I just think he's being extreme. To each their own.

Chill out lady geez. Has crazy cooter been mean or something?

 

[DaisyDuke]

Chill out lady geez. Has crazy cooter been mean or something?

How did you know?

 

[thurley42]

How did you know?

You have to get that crap in check