Worst ex-spouse ever?

[SoMDGirl42]

Sorry to anger you but...

No "twisting of words" involved there. Just quoting. This is a public forum you know? Im sorry that YOU regret what YOU said about YOUR kids being QUOTED by me.

Just like most Kindergarden kids know "If you don't have something nice to say...."

Show me where I say I regretted my kid?

Get it through your thick skull. I was JOKING.

Something nice to say? I'm glad I have custody of my daughter. I'm glad I have her 365 days a year. No regrets there.

 

[Pete]

This was answered for me when I re-read a previous post. That was initially my question (both actually) however, it appears that in Maryland (which I initially stated was NOT where my divorce was granted and never specifically requested that Maryland law be factored in... it was just assumed by the responders) the CS payments can be adjusted according to how much time the NCP spends with the child.

I am not an attorney but I stayed in a...well that is a lie I was at home, but.

The court which has jurisdiction in your case applied the law of THAT state and cares not, nor should they the laws of another state. VA doesn't give a rats ass about MD law even if one of the parents moved there, nor can they since VA courts have no jurisdiction nor do they have authority to enforce another states laws.

In most states, unknown if Maryland is one if you have primary physical custody (Custodial parent) you maintain the primary residence, utilities and responsibility for primary care, feeding and clothing. CS is calculated on combined income, - children from previous relationships and proportioned according to the ratio of income. Special consideration is given when the time spent with the NCP exceeds a preset amount of time. In some cases 100 days. the CS calculation takes into account not only the physical custodians responsibility for establishing a primary residence but visitation with the NCP.

In the end I agree while the child is with the NCP for extended periods IE: 8 weeks, CS payments to the CP should be suspended, but I would not go so far as to say the CS payment should be reversed. You see you are basing NCP and CP status on time spent whereas the court is establishing a responsibility for a primary residence.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

In Vrai's honor...

I haven't need that since they ripped out all of my reproductive organs.

That was momma bear coming out. I love my kids. I'll defend them to death. When I make a statement jokingly, I don't expect someone to get fixed on it and try to use to against me to sound like a bad mother. I know I am not a bad mother.

 

[vraiblonde]

Is this true?

Yes.

 

[SG_Player1974]

I am not an attorney but I stayed in a...well that is a lie I was at home, but.

The court which has jurisdiction in your case applied the law of THAT state and cares not, nor should they the laws of another state. VA doesn't give a rats ass about MD law even if one of the parents moved there, nor can they since VA courts have no jurisdiction nor do they have authority to enforce another states laws.

In most states, unknown if Maryland is one if you have primary physical custody (Custodial parent) you maintain the primary residence, utilities and responsibility for primary care, feeding and clothing. CS is calculated on combined income, - children from previous relationships and proportioned according to the ratio of income. Special consideration is given when the time spent with the NCP exceeds a preset amount of time. In some cases 100 days. the CS calculation takes into account not only the physical custodians responsibility for establishing a primary residence but visitation with the NCP.

In the end I agree while the child is with the NCP for extended periods IE: 8 weeks, CS payments to the CP should be suspended, but I would not go so far as to say the CS payment should be reversed. You see you are basing NCP and CP status on time spent whereas the court is establishing a responsibility for a primary residence.

DAMN!!!

That only took a few hours (or was it days??) to get.

Thank you Pete for that explanation that was free from opinion and experience motivated anger!

I agree with the fact that CS should not be reversed as well provided that extended periods of visitation are taken into account and leveraged when determining CS payments. They apparently do that here in Maryland.

I suppose that my biggest regret with raising this question is that I should have included more information regarding my particular circumstances.

 

[pebbles]

In MD, CS also takes into consideration the # of overnights per year for each parent. It's a lovely little formula to include salary, percentage of care etc.

Department of Human Resources

I understand SG wasn't asking about MD guidelines specifically but maybe that will help in understanding why everyone else thinks it ludacris for the CP to pay the NCP during the summer months that the NCP has the kid(s).

I applaud SG for being involved in his kid(s) life as some others CHOOSE not to. & no I do not know him personally.

 

[SG_Player1974]

I haven't need that since they ripped out all of my reproductive organs.

That was momma bear coming out. I love my kids. I'll defend them to death. When I make a statement jokingly, I don't expect someone to get fixed on it and try to use to against me to sound like a bad mother. I know I am not a bad mother.

I never said you were a bad mother. I dont know you, your kids, or how you raise them. I dont jump to conclusions that way.

I merely quoted something that you posted on this forum which is devoid of any facial expressions, inflexions in voice, and devoid of any form of emotion.

If you were joking then I am sorry about that however, in my defense, there is no way for me to know this. Ill go back and read it again however, I do not remember you typing "I'm only joking about what I say about my kids."

 

[SoMDGirl42]

I would be willing to stop child support if he:

1. had the child 50/50
2. supported the child 50/50

As it is, he doesn't. A few hours a month, in my house. That's it.

When my two older kids were younger, their father moved to FL. He took the kids for 3 weeks in the summer (but he did go 2.5 years without a visit). That did not compare to me having them 24/7 for 49 weeks. I did not reduce the child support. Maybe, maybe, maybe if he had them for 3 months I would have considered it. But not for 3 weeks.

SG, you have not answered the question. Do you ONLY have the kid/kids for 8 weeks of the year (56 days)??

I agree with 90% of what you are saying, BUT if the NCP ONLY has the children for a few weeks in the summer, they should continue paying. As I stated previously, if that is addition to regularly scheduled weekend visits, then maybe their child support needs to be adjusted to show that the NCP is providing 50% of the care of the child/children.

I like my explantion better. It's not that simple. If the NCP is providing 50% of the care, they shouldn't be expected to pay as much in support as a parent only providing 20% percent of the daily care.

So, if CP has the kid/kids 309 days of the year, and the NCP has the kids 56 days of the year, the NCP should be paying support to the CP parent when they have the kids for their 56 day visit.

My opinion.

If the CP has the kids 257 days, and the NCP has the kid 108 days, I think a reduction in the monthly support payments may be warranted.

DAMN!!!

That only took a few hours (or was it days??) to get.

Thank you Pete for that explanation that was free from opinion and experience motivated anger!

I agree with the fact that CS should not be reversed as well provided that extended periods of visitation are taken into account and leveraged when determining CS payments. They apparently do that here in Maryland.

I suppose that my biggest regret with raising this question is that I should have included more information regarding my particular circumstances.

I broke it out for you numerous times. You were too dense to read it.

 

[Pete]

DAMN!!!

That only took a few hours (or was it days??) to get.

Thank you Pete for that explanation that was free from opinion and experience motivated anger!

I agree with the fact that CS should not be reversed as well provided that extended periods of visitation are taken into account and leveraged when determining CS payments. They apparently do that here in Maryland.

I suppose that my biggest regret with raising this question is that I should have included more information regarding my particular circumstances.

Most states allow you to reopen the divorce to adjust the CS amounts or change primary physical residence but they set the bar very high and it is called "significant change of circumstance" and a significant change of circumstance is not = I am sick of paying, she is using it to support her new BF, she spend it like a fool. It typically means you have the kids much more than originally set out in the visitation order. Like they said every other weekend and 6 weeks in the summer but you have them 50% of the time, or the custodial parent is a crack head, or other serious matters.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

I never said you were a bad mother. I dont know you, your kids, or how you raise them. I dont jump to conclusions that way.

I merely quoted something that you posted on this forum which is devoid of any facial expressions, inflexions in voice, and devoid of any form of emotion.

If you were joking then I am sorry about that however, in my defense, there is no way for me to know this. Ill go back and read it again however, I do not remember you typing "I'm only joking about what I say about my kids."

for crying out loud. If you can't read that paragraph and come to the conclusion that I was joking, then you need to stop by Wal-mart and pick up a sense of humor. I'm sure your ex would gladly pay half.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

Most states allow you to reopen the divorce to adjust the CS amounts or change primary physical residence but they set the bar very high and it is called "significant change of circumstance" and a significant change of circumstance is not = I am sick of paying, she is using it to support her new BF, she spend it like a fool. It typically means you have the kids much more than originally set out in the visitation order. Like they said every other weekend and 6 weeks in the summer but you have them 50% of the time, or the custodial parent is a crack head, or other serious matters.

Also 25% change in income according to MARYLAND law. BTW, we still don't know which state his support is calculated in to even begin to answer his questions.

 

[drivingdaisy]

Is she a good mom? Is she a loving parent? Are the kids well taken care of, do well in school, etc etc etc, if so I would just suck it up and be glad that the person taking care of your children is doing a good job.

 

[SG_Player1974]

I broke it out for you numerous times. You were too dense to read it.

I did read each and every one of those. My question did not revolve around the lowering of monthly support payments. It centered around payment from the CP to the NCP during extended visits ONLY.

This was answered (at least for Maryland cases) when I re-read the post that mentioned that monthly CS was based upon visitation time therefore, there was no need for the CP to give to the NCP because it was de-facto reduced in the monthly CS payments.

Also, I did answer some of those quotes that you posted. Did you not take the time to quote my replies?

 

[SoMDGirl42]

I did read each and every one of those. My question did not revolve around the lowering of monthly support payments. It centered around payment from the CP to the NCP during extended visits ONLY.

This was answered (at least for Maryland cases) when I re-read the post that mentioned that monthly CS was based upon visitation time therefore, there was no need for the CP to give to the NCP because it was de-facto reduced in the monthly CS payments.

Also, I did answer some of those quotes that you posted. Did you not take the time to quote my replies?

whatever

You are giving me a headache. You just said the same thing I said numerous times changing the words little puppy to small dog.

 

[SG_Player1974]

I never said you were a bad mother. I dont know you, your kids, or how you raise them. I dont jump to conclusions that way.

I merely quoted something that you posted on this forum which is devoid of any facial expressions, inflexions in voice, and devoid of any form of emotion.

If you were joking then I am sorry about that however, in my defense, there is no way for me to know this. Ill go back and read it again however, I do not remember you typing "I'm only joking about what I say about my kids."

If you can't read this and tell the I WAS JOKING

then I guess I will be behind you in line at the local Walmart

 

[SoMDGirl42]

If you can't read this and tell the I WAS JOKING

then I guess I will be behind you in line at the local Walmart

I have a sense of humor. You don't. If you see me at Wal-Mart it will because I'm buying migrane headache pills from the pain you caused my head today.

However, I'll be taking my mother to dinner tonight, so I don't think I'll be seeing you at Wal-Mart tonight.

Get the stick out of you a$$. Be glad you have children you get to visit with every other weekend. Be glad their mother is a good mother to them when you aren't there. Be glad they are being supported correctly with your child support instead of her spending it on drugs and getting her hair did. Be thankful you get to have them for an extended period of time in the summer to do fun things with, while you don't have to worry about homework, school nights or them getting sick with the flu during your visits over the summer.

Now, I have to go pick my daughter up from daycare, and take my mother out to celebrate her 80th birthday.

 

[Radiant1]

Actually, I think in SG's case he's right. If the cs he has to pay is not based on the time he has with the children, then I think it only fair that the mother pay him when he has the children for an extended period of time.

As far as Marylanders are concerned that's not an issue and SG should be glad his cs payments are suspended when he has his kids.

 

[acommondisaster]

Was this meant towards me? I can only assume it was not since I have never mentioned , and would never say that having my children around me is a loss nor would I complain about them.

I can only assume that this was meant for the other posters that have snot-nosed eating machines that relentlessly and regrettably consume every waking moment of their day. I think their posts are still on here.

Remember, the NCP is NOT receiving ANY KIND of support to offset those losses too.

Your words. You're all concerned about what you lose. Anyone who thinks that the poster that called her kids "lil buggers" (paraphrased) was actually complaining about them, rather than showing an affectionate ribbing is more than obtuse - you're just someone looking for a way to get out the passive aggressive feelings here you have about all women because someone gets more of your paycheck than you want to hand over. You're wrong, you'll never admit it, and I'm telling you, your kids are going to figure it out that you think it's unfair and it's all about the money you have to spend on them. At some point they're going to start to realize that there's resentment there and they'll start pulling away from you because they know how much their mom does for them. Hopefully it'll be before you turn them in to bitter people with low self esteem.

 

[Bann]

Well, THAT has to suck for the kids.

Yes, but ...in the beginning they were so gung ho to see dad that they didn't care.

NOW, they're older. They choose whether to see him or not. They're choosing not - more and more.

 

[Bann]

Do not be quick to judge...

Some NCPs do the best they can with what they have. This may be the case.

If the NCP is holding down the job and taking care of business, there is NOTHING wrong with that.

It is only a shame to do so if they are capable of so much more and it is available to them and they CHOOSE not to improve their conditions either due to laziness or spite.

My ex is at least a WG-10 step 3 or 4, last I knew. He is civil service and works for the US NAVY. He also retired from the military after 20 years, and draws a portion of that retirement pay in VA pay, which is tax free.

He has a decent income even AFTER the child support. He never pays any other money out. I do not ask him for summer activity money OR money for the very many school-related activities Thing2 attends throughout the year. EVER. He doesn't take sick leave when they're sick or annual leave to visit or have them visit him and yet hardly ever has leave. This past Christmas his gift (supposedly Visa gift cards) to the Things apparently must have "gotten lost in the mail" - but he never replaced them. :rolleye:

He chooses to live in a 1 bdrm apartment, which is not even halfway the nicest in the area. NO amenities. He cries poverty all the time. Cry me a river.