After you die

[GWguy]

I ask this question because I am aware of a woman (early 40's) who died UNEXPECTEDLY, with young kids (8 and 12, I think). Anyways, three (3) weeks after his wife died, he started communicating with a woman, and now they are seriously considering marriage...... Six (6) months after his spouse died.

Too soon, I think.

If I were in a similar situation, I would haunt my widower-husband as long as he lives.

I don't think it's too soon. Maybe he's just looking out for the kid's well being and wants a mother-figure in their lives. Maybe when they were married, they weren't happy, and now he is looking for some happiness and sees this as a timely opportunity.

I wouldn't come back to haunt the spouse. I'd come back and haunt everyone, just because I could!

 

[kwillia]

I wouldn't come back to haunt the spouse. I'd come back and haunt everyone, just because I could!

Well, we would know it was you because instead of chains rattlin' we'd hear the squeak squeak squeak of new white sneakers...

 

[vraiblonde]

Six (6) months after his spouse died.

There are two possibilities:

1) They weren't as happy as you think and this new woman isn't really so new.

2) He is reacting out of grief and loss, missing that companionship and being impulsive in order to "replace" what he lost.

Either way, his wife knew that about him and, if she is looking down from Heaven, is not surprised.

I'm more concerned about how this might affect the kids. It would be tough to lose your mother, then have some new mommy come rolling in just a few months later.

 

[Radiant1]

Sorry I was thinking son-in-law. I hate acronyms

I suppose a son-in-law with a husband may not be too far off the mark these days. Those crazy kids!

I ask this question because I am aware of a woman (early 40's) who died UNEXPECTEDLY, with young kids (8 and 12, I think). Anyways, three (3) weeks after his wife died, he started communicating with a woman, and now they are seriously considering marriage...... Six (6) months after his spouse died.

Too soon, I think.

If I were in a similar situation, I would haunt my widower-husband as long as he lives.

Yeah, too soon. It sounds as if he was over her before her passing. You would think he would give his kids a bit more time to get over it before presenting them with another mommy.

 

[BadGirl]

There are two possibilities:

1) They weren't as happy as you think and this new woman isn't really so new.

2) He is reacting out of grief and loss, missing that companionship and being impulsive in order to "replace" what he lost.

Either way, his wife knew that about him and, if she is looking down from Heaven, is not surprised.

I'm more concerned about how this might affect the kids. It would be tough to lose your mother, then have some new mommy come rolling in just a few months later.

I agree with everything you say.

I can't really speak for someone else's relationship, but I know what I'd do in my own relationship. I'd be the most intrusive, annoying ghost possible, and wreck havoc whenever possible.

Ya hear that, Bob?

 

[NewsJunky]

I ask this question because I am aware of a woman (early 40's) who died UNEXPECTEDLY, with young kids (8 and 12, I think). Anyways, three (3) weeks after his wife died, he started communicating with a woman, and now they are seriously considering marriage...... Six (6) months after his spouse died.

Too soon, I think.

If I were in a similar situation, I would haunt my widower-husband as long as he lives.

My first thought was.... Was he involved in her death?

Anyway - too soon....

 

[vraiblonde]

I hope he has friends and family that care enough about him to encourage him to wait and not make any impulsive decisions at this time. But then, most people "don't like to get involved".

 

[DoWhat]

Do you want your spouse to find another relationship and get married again?

How long after you die do you want your spouse to go before he/she is dating/re-marrying again?




Me? I don't want Bob to start dating or to get re-married after I'm gone. I want him to go the rest of his life missing me.

If he starts dating or wants to get married again, I will come back and haunt his ass till the day he dies.

Who is going to make him a sandwich?

 

[struggler44]

I agree with everything you say.

I can't really speak for someone else's relationship, but I know what I'd do in my own relationship. I'd be the most intrusive, annoying ghost possible, and wreck havoc whenever possible.

Ya hear that, Bob?

Find a ghost BOB..... Maybe the batteries last longer after life

 

[Graymatter]

If you are married a long time and enjoyed the relationship, then he will miss you forever regardless if he remarries.

 

[NorthBeachPerso]

In order:
1) Putting a flamethrower to the rosebushes.
2) Yard sale for the Christmas decorations. That'll be a 3 weekend operation.
3) New woman.

 

[czygvtwkr]

I ask this question because I am aware of a woman (early 40's) who died UNEXPECTEDLY, with young kids (8 and 12, I think). Anyways, three (3) weeks after his wife died, he started communicating with a woman, and now they are seriously considering marriage...... Six (6) months after his spouse died.

Too soon, I think.

If I were in a similar situation, I would haunt my widower-husband as long as he lives.

Yea too soon, he is trying to forget her and make the pain go away, if they were happily married that is. The kids definately need more time to accept it than 6 months.

My grandfather was this way, except he was in his late 60's, my grandmother in her mid 50's when she died. It wasn't long after the funeral that he started hanging out a lot with my grandmothers older sister. After that ran its course he started going to church singles meetings (the man never been to church a day in his life and swore every other word).

 

[DoWhat]

My grandfather was this way, except he was in his late 60's, my grandmother in her mid 50's when she died. It wasn't long after the funeral that he started hanging out a lot with my grandmothers older sister.

My Grandpa married his wife's sister after she past away.
We all thought it was a great idea, they were in their 70's.
But my great Aunt was never ever close to being my Grandma.
They made a great couple and they both had companionship.

 

[bresamil]

I ask this question because I am aware of a woman (early 40's) who died UNEXPECTEDLY, with young kids (8 and 12, I think). Anyways, three (3) weeks after his wife died, he started communicating with a woman, and now they are seriously considering marriage...... Six (6) months after his spouse died.

Too soon, I think.

If I were in a similar situation, I would haunt my widower-husband as long as he lives.

That is way too soon. Mourning for a year, then moving on, seems to me to be correct.

Adding children to the mix...there's a lot to consider.

He may be trying to get someone to be a mother more than to be a wife. Or he may not be considering the kids at all. Hard to say not knowing those involved.

When we were first married I didn't want him to remarry if we passed.

Once we had kids and I saw he just couldn't (wouldn't) take care of them I would have wanted him to remarry just so they wouldn't be neglected.

Now the question does not apply.

 

[czygvtwkr]

That is true, maybe he just doesnt want to pay a nanny/cook/housekeeper and wants some occasional nookie.

Men are worse at handling the loss of a partner than women are.

 

[vraiblonde]

Ryan O'Neal was trying to pick up his own daughter at Farrah's funeral.

 

[struggler44]

Ryan O'Neal was trying to pick up his own daughter at Farrah's funeral.

He was just trying to comfort her ....

 

[Merlin99]

I agree with everything you say.

I can't really speak for someone else's relationship, but I know what I'd do in my own relationship. I'd be the most intrusive, annoying ghost possible, and wreck havoc whenever possible.

Ya hear that, Bob?

What about if Bob was the one buried out in the garden though, would you enter a nunnery?

 

[DoWhat]

What about if Bob was the one buried out in the garden though, would you enter a nunnery?

Hell No.
She is coming over her.
BG and DidWhat can figure out the rest of it.

And me and Bubba will hang out in the woods.

 

[belvak]

This is a tough question. On the one hand, if Hubby went first, I don't think I could ever see myself with anyone else. On the other hand, we've been married 31 years (and I'm hoping for at least another 31), so to go from a couple to one single person would be very hard. Companionship is what lots of widows/widowers are really looking for. Especially those who were married for many years.

That said, if I went first, I would like to think that Hubby would pine away forever for me and never find anyone else. BUT... That would not be fair. My love for him would not end (assuming there is an afterlife/heaven) so I don't think I could sit/hover around and see him sad and suffering if there was someone else who might be able to ease that pain and provide companionship.

To go from a couple/team/partnership for over 30 years to "one" is just beyond my imagination. How would I go on? Everything would change. Nobody to talk with. Nobody to hug or snuggle with. Nobody to take rides with. Just, suddenly, NOBODY there. Would I look for companionship? I really don't know.

This tread has made me sad...