Any resources for what to do with an aging parent?

[PeoplesElbow]

One day Im going to write about my experience, mistakes I made, what I would have done different hopefully to help someone else out.

Thanks for the replies everyone, out of character for me, but I needed to let some stuff out and I just can't do that with the small amount of family I do have.

 

[PJay]

Well, she IS the mom and you're the kid. This role-reversal most likely pisses her off as much as the dementia. I know it would me. I'd rather be dead than have one of my kids as my caretaker.

So try to see things from her perspective, and check out in-home care. Good luck!

One lady I helped referred me to another lady because she was having a terrible time with her mom and needed to get away from her. She warned me her mom was mean, etc. I was little scared, but she was sweet to me. When the lady returned she was stunned. That experience happened more than once. I think a different face, conversation and being really interested in what they have to say, etc...they love it. When they point and tell you Santa Claus is standing and waving at them.. get excited with them and wave. True story.

 

[ginwoman]

If there is any way you can keep her home and have someone come in and help her that would be the way to go. My sister and I kept mom home as long as we could, hiring someone to be there when we couldn't be. We could no longer afford the help and it was stressing us out to no end. We got her into a nursing home in Leonardtown under Medicaid (after spending the last dollar she had). I don't recommend a nursing home if at all possible. They have A LOT to be desired. Even if you are there every day things happen. And its not good. Some of the staff are good but most are just there to do as little as possible. I hate to think what goes on when family's can't visit due to COVID. Good idea to check out Taylor Farms. I have heard mixed reviews on them.

 

[Kyle]

The home care option is a good one, if finances allow.

I used a service that medicare covered about 30% of for years. They would come in mid morning while I was at work and take care of any needs he had, they'd also check in on my mother before they left, who had Rheumatoid Arthritis and had extreme difficulties but was not an invalid.

It kept him well and among family for several years until the end.

 

[Monello]

I know, but thanks for clarifying. That was 5 weeks before she had a stroke, she had been after me to take her somewhere for a few days and I had kept putting it off because I was busy, it didnt appeal to me etc. I ended up having a great time, I'm so glad I got the chance to do that for her.

By the way that is outside of an artesian candle and bigfoot store.

My dad passed in 2001 with my mom all alone in the house I grew up in. So around 2003 I started taking her on cruises. Around every 2 years we'd go somewhere warm in the winter. At first we did a week then extended them out for 2 weeks. A 2 week cruise wasn't much more than what they'd charge you for a week.

The last 2 times, she used a mobility chair. I'd push her along. We made a lot better time since she normally walks with a cane. She's over her embarrassment phase of sitting in the chair. Plus it gets us faster seating often. Embarking on the ship, we don't have to wait in that mile long check in line. She likes to travel and cruising doesn't require much more than buy a ticket to get on board. The ship handles everything else. I never counted but we've probably been to 15 different countries together.

I dread the day when she can no longer live independently. At 86 years old, that day isn't too far off.

 

[PJay]

My dad passed in 2001 with my mom all alone in the house I grew up in. So around 2003 I started taking her on cruises. Around every 2 years we'd go somewhere warm in the winter. At first we did a week then extended them out for 2 weeks. A 2 week cruise wasn't much more than what they'd charge you for a week.

The last 2 times, she used a mobility chair. I'd push her along. We made a lot better time since she normally walks with a cane. She's over her embarrassment phase of sitting in the chair. Plus it gets us faster seating often. Embarking on the ship, we don't have to wait in that mile long check in line. She likes to travel and cruising doesn't require much more than buy a ticket to get on board. The ship handles everything else. I never counted but we've probably been to 15 different countries together.

I dread the day when she can no longer live independently. At 86 years old, that day isn't too far off.

What is her wish?

 

[Monello]

What is her wish?

She's been saying for over 40 years that she doesn't want to go in a nursing home. But some times what you want and what is practical don't align.

 

[Bird Dog]

May God Bless you all.......

 

[Sneakers]

All fun and games. Got a call this morning that dad was on his way to urgent care for jaundice. Wound up in the ER. My brother that would normally handle it is in Jamaica. So I'm at a rest stop just north of roanoake va on my way to AR.

 

[PeoplesElbow]

All fun and games. Got a call this morning that dad was on his way to urgent care for jaundice. Wound up in the ER. My brother that would normally handle it is in Jamaica. So I'm at a rest stop just north of roanoake va on my way to AR.

Good luck, have a safe trip, and best wishes for your dad.

 

[vraiblonde]

I'm gonna put my mom on an ice floe with a bottle of water and a pack of cheese crackers when she starts to brown out.

If she goes first, my stepdad will go live with my step-brother and they'll be fine. If he goes first, on the floe she goes.

 

[UglyBear]

I'm gonna put my mom on an ice floe with a bottle of fine scotch and a fancy charcuterie board when she starts to brown out.

If she goes first, my stepdad will go live with my step-brother and they'll be fine. If he goes first, on the floe she goes.

C’mon, at least make her last voyage pleasant.

 

[Louise]

C’mon, at least make her last voyage pleasant.

I don’t get it. Sarcasm?

 

[Louise]

We brought my mom up from TX to live with us. She lived in our daughter’s room because she went to college. My mom was, always, a smart and sweet person, but the Alz changed her, completely. She lived with us for 2 years, and it was completely insane. So, we took her back to a TX nursing home. I was so sad. In Feb of 2007, her nurse called me on her personal phone at 3am to tell me that my mom would not make it through the night because her organs were shutting down. That was so nice, and I got to tell my mom how much I loved her, and what a great mom she was. My mom never said a word, but I know she heard me. There is a thing to this Alz thing being another killer too young. My grandparents on both sides lived on farms and ate eggs and bacon, everyday, and lived into their 90’s. My mom was 78 when she died.
I just turned 67. Scary stuff. And, I know that we want the best for our parents, and family. We can only do the best we can. I know I, probably, will get backlash, but there is something to the processed foods, chem trails, and 5G.

 

[Sneakers]

Good luck, have a safe trip, and best wishes for your dad.

Thanx. Didn't mean to hijack the thread.
Endoscope tomorrow for a blocked bile duct. Fastest trip ever to AR. Left yesterday at 3pm, drove until 10pm, slept in a rest stop until 2am, back on the road, quick power nap at 7:30am, then straight thru arriving at 5pm, 1350 miles. Showered and dressed and at his bedside by 6pm.

Nighty night...

 

[SandieGarry]

We are here to help with any questions that anyone might have. My wife had her own home health care business and is a wealth of information. Usually, if she can't answer your question, she can direct you to who can. As for in home care, she always tells people to do your research about any prospective caregiver. If they are a Maryland resident, check their name on Maryland Judiciary website. Be careful of an agency, DO NOT pay in advance. My own mother just got taken because she paid in advance and the last day, the caregiver left early and my mom never got a refund. Private messages are ok if you don't want to ask publicly.

 

[Louise]

To mitzi. Thank you for the sad emoji. I should have said in my post, also, that the reason we took my mom back to TX is because my brothers lived there at that time, and wanted to be able to visit her. Thanks for your response.

 

[mitzi]

To mitzi. Thank you for the sad emoji. I should have said in my post, also, that the reason we took my mom back to TX is because my brothers lived there at that time, and wanted to be able to visit her. Thanks for your response.

I was fortunate this didn't happen with my parents . I can only imagine how heartbreaking and hard it is.

 

[Louise]

I was fortunate this didn't happen with my parents . I can only imagine how heartbreaking and hard it is.

Thank you.

 

[Gilligan]

My Mom just turned 89 and so far we (her four kids) have managed to keep her content with home care provided by ourselves. She stays semi-permanently at my sister's place in WV where my bro-in-law operates his business out of their home office. Then from there we rotate Mom to our island compound, where she also has a room that is all "hers" with her personal stuff in it and someone is always here...and to my other sister's place in southern VA where, again, Mom has her own room and that bro-in-law is retired so he's around to assist during the day.

So far so good...but we're anticipating the need for an in-home assistant to help care for her in the not-to-distant future as her mobility declines...which unfortunately it is. We've already looked in to the options and it's roughly $3000/month for typical in-home caregiver in WV (visiting..not live-in, of course).