Betrayed

[harleygirl]

I can understand your pain...........been there, done that. I would consider trying to get your child on another team. Remember, in some cases they are an ex for a reason.

 

[vraiblonde]

The hard thing is he is coaching my childs team.

Why? YOU didn't do anything wrong - he did. If anyone should be embarrassed to face someone, it should be him, not you.

 

[vraiblonde]

I would consider trying to get your child on another team.

Why? Neither Dance nor her kids did anything wrong - why should they be disrupted? If anything, the guy should have to go coach another team.

 

[Kizzy]

Why? YOU didn't do anything wrong - he did. If anyone should be embarrassed to face someone, it should be him, not you.

I agree but you are hell on wheels, and some people are a bit more emotional and know that they will listen to explanations and excuses if confronted. If she IS that kind of person, she is best to avoid it. She could give it a shot and see how it goes :shrug:, but any inclination of a problem, bam, that child would be out of that situation.

 

[vraiblonde]

And the thing is, the children don't understand, thus really becomming the victims.

I think kids understand better than adults. Adults are the ones with all these issues, sneaking around behind people's backs, doing things they're not supposed to be doing, then not being able to let go and move on with their lives.

Once you explain things to kids, they understand crystal clear. It's just adults do these nefarious things that they don't want their kids to know about, so they lie to them.

 

[harleygirl]

It is hard when you are hurt to face the person that hurt you...........besides, if he is not good to his own kids, I would not want him around mine.

 

[Kizzy]

I think kids understand better than adults. Adults are the ones with all these issues, sneaking around behind people's backs, doing things they're not supposed to be doing, then not being able to let go and move on with their lives.

Once you explain things to kids, they understand crystal clear. It's just adults do these nefarious things that they don't want their kids to know about, so they lie to them.

Who is sneaking and doing things they are not suppose to be doing?

The thing here is subjecting the kids to a situation that has potential to be ugly. It might not be her at all, but him and his way of dealing with it. If she pulls that child out, even with an explanation, the child suffers. It might be best to go with the flow and see how this goes. :shrug:

 

[vraiblonde]

Anyway, Dance learned Cardinal Rule #1 of Dating:

Do not date anyone having to do with your child. Not their teacher, not their coach, not their friend's parent - NOT ANYONE. Keep your love life completely separate from their lives.

 

[vraiblonde]

Who is sneaking and doing things they are not suppose to be doing?

Hypothetically speaking. You know, like how someone might cheat on their husband, then become upset when their boytoy dumps them, then they might proceed to trashing them constantly and making fools of themselves, telling lies and trying to paint themselves as a victim because their feelings are hurt and they can't let go.

Just an example - not talking about anyone in particular. I was just saying that I think kids DO understand, but many times they're not given the correct information to be ABLE to understand.

 

[Kizzy]

Hypothetically speaking. You know, like how someone might cheat on their husband, then become upset when their boytoy dumps them, then they might proceed to trashing them constantly and making fools of themselves, telling lies and trying to paint themselves as a victim because their feelings are hurt and they can't let go.

Just an example - not talking about anyone in particular. I was just saying that I think kids DO understand, but many times they're not given the correct information to be ABLE to understand.

Sure your not - but hypothetically speaking - say there was never a boy toy and that person understood that - or so they said - and yet a day comes when said person has to be cut out of that person’s life since knowing men and women cannot be friends since one person will always expect more - of course it would be the one with nothing to lose - and that person not wanting the “truth” to come out about demands made - thus resorting to personal back stabbing - since unknown to so called boytoy that it was already out in the open.

Of course I'm not talking about anyone in patricular since your not either and if you were - it surely doesn't help in the letting go.

Anyway, kids are agile and shouldn't be subjected to that stuff. They will bounce back and do when they are not put in a volatile situation.

 

[cattitude]

Hypothetically speaking.

Funny you should mention this. We are going through a similar situation here at work. We have a friend who, despite our warnings, went through on her quest to have an affair. Most of us told her she really needed to work on her marriage because she has kids and her husband is a pretty good guy.

We find it's getting increasingly difficult to be around her because she is so angry all the time over the whole way it ended. She's constantly telling us what a jerk the guy is, when we know better...we know the guy. We just want to say I TOLD YOU SO. It's a shame, but we turn the other way now when we see her coming.

 

[Bruzilla]

I just wish people would wise up and realize that the person they're dating is not the person they'll be marrying. Both men and women put on the game faces when they're dating. No one ever exclaims their negatives, only the positives. Men want to get laid, women want a provider, so we all join a mutual society to convince the opposite sex that we're worthy of their affection. Then after the marriage things change and the real people we are comes out. The trick to a long and healthy marriage isn't hoping to stumble into your soul mate while tripping around a blind dating room with your di..., er... flashlight in your hand, it's getting to really know the person you want to marry - and that takes time.

I cringe whenever I see people getting married, or even talking about getting married, after only a few weeks or months. At that point the factor is still on max and you have no idea what the person is really like. I was in the Navy when I met my wife, and we were engaged for 18 months before we got married. The delay was because I knew long deployments were a fact of life with my career, and I wanted her to endure one before deciding if she could really hack being a Navy wife. That was 21 years ago, so I'm thinking my plan worked.

One other thing for the ladies... you can never, ever, "fix" a guy. Never, never, ever going to happen. If a guy has issues that you can't deal with, get a new guy. He may change for a short time to make you happy, but he's going to go back to being broken before too long. He may make you think you're having an effect, but you're not and as soon as an opportune moment arises, he'll revert back. That's the way we are, so either deal with our shortcomings or find someone who's a better match for you.

And quit projecting your feelings on your kids! I guarantee you that they're taking the breakup much better than you are, in fact, they probably don't really care one way or the other. Kids don't have the emotional development to really grasp the concepts you're projecting on them until their mid teens. I've known so many divoriced women who project their feelings onto the kids, while the kids are telling me "I don't care." The kids have their own unique problems, they don't need you pushing yours onto them.

 

[morganj614]

To whom it applies

I really don't want to hypothetically hear the hypothetical story anymore. Why does it ALWAYS come up? Doesn't anything die around here? Is this the Forum Of Dorian Gray? :sheesh:

 

[bresamil]

I just wish people would wise up and realize that the person they're dating is not the person they'll be marrying. Both men and women put on the game faces when they're dating. No one ever exclaims their negatives, only the positives. Men want to get laid, women want a provider, so we all join a mutual society to convince the opposite sex that we're worthy of their affection. Then after the marriage things change and the real people we are comes out. The trick to a long and healthy marriage isn't hoping to stumble into your soul mate while tripping around a blind dating room with your di..., er... flashlight in your hand, it's getting to really know the person you want to marry - and that takes time.

I cringe whenever I see people getting married, or even talking about getting married, after only a few weeks or months. At that point the factor is still on max and you have no idea what the person is really like. I was in the Navy when I met my wife, and we were engaged for 18 months before we got married. The delay was because I knew long deployments were a fact of life with my career, and I wanted her to endure one before deciding if she could really hack being a Navy wife. That was 21 years ago, so I'm thinking my plan worked.

One other thing for the ladies... you can never, ever, "fix" a guy. Never, never, ever going to happen. If a guy has issues that you can't deal with, get a new guy. He may change for a short time to make you happy, but he's going to go back to being broken before too long. He may make you think you're having an effect, but you're not and as soon as an opportune moment arises, he'll revert back. That's the way we are, so either deal with our shortcomings or find someone who's a better match for you.

Dating=the big lie. Everyone on their best behavior. Everyone has an agenda.
A friend and I discussed this not too long ago. There ought to be some paper you sign that says what you want out of the relationship. Either both want the same and sign or shake hands and walk away. Why waste each others time.

 

[vraiblonde]

I cringe whenever I see people getting married, or even talking about getting married, after only a few weeks or months. At that point the factor is still on max and you have no idea what the person is really like.

Preach, brotha!

 

[vraiblonde]

Sure your not - but hypothetically speaking - say there was never a boy toy and that person understood that - or so they said - and yet a day comes when said person has to be cut out of that person’s life since knowing men and women cannot be friends since one person will always expect more - of course it would be the one with nothing to lose - and that person not wanting the “truth” to come out about demands made - thus resorting to personal back stabbing - since unknown to so called boytoy that it was already out in the open.

Of course I'm not talking about anyone in patricular since your not either and if you were - it surely doesn't help in the letting go.

Anyway, kids are agile and shouldn't be subjected to that stuff. They will bounce back and do when they are not put in a volatile situation.

I have no idea what any of that means. But you should:

I really don't want to hypothetically hear the hypothetical story anymore. Why does it ALWAYS come up? Doesn't anything die around here? Is this the Forum Of Dorian Gray? :sheesh:

listen to your friend.

 

[Kizzy]

I have no idea what any of that means. But you should:


listen to your friend.

You were the one that brought it up vria. Memberships must really be hurting so your looking for to create when there is none.

It over and has been. Now, could you be a doll and go answer my question in the "Matthew" thread? Thank you.

 

[danceintherain]

am i missing something?

 

[bresamil]

am i missing something?

No. Now follow me

 

[cattitude]

could you be a doll

Now, where have we heard that before?