Betrayed

D

deadbeatdad

New Member
vraiblonde said:
Well, no wonder you feel that way, considering your user name.
Click to expand...

Why would you judge me by a moniker? I feel that way because I think it is a fact. How many times have most of us believe that we have finally met "that special someone" only to find out that they are not what we thought. Indeed, take a poll and find out how many couples still believe they have found their soul mate. I would daresay few...
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
deadbeatdad said:
Indeed, take a poll and find out how many couples still believe they have found their soul mate. I would daresay few...
Click to expand...
I have...:howdy:

And Catt says I can have him too...:smile:
 
sweetpea

sweetpea

Bjo
deadbeatdad said:
How many times have most of us believe that we have finally met "that special someone" only to find out that they are not what we thought. Indeed, take a poll and find out how many couples still believe they have found their soul mate. I would daresay few...
Click to expand...
That special someone and a soul mate are 2 different things in my book.
 
K

Kizzy

Guest
vraiblonde said:
Bebe Mama is my husband's ex-wife who is going through a similar situation. She, however, is making the mistake that you're NOT going to make (right?) - she is still trying to get an "explanation" out of him so she can feel a sense of "resolve".

It's hurting her feelings that he duped her, then dumped her when confronted. She thinks it's her fault and that she wasn't good enough, for some reason. Because, of course, if she WAS good enough, he would have fallen madly in love with her and been the kind of man he never was with any of his other wives or girlfriends. <--- this is sarcasm

You shouldn't feel stupid at all - bad guys happen to the best of us. Bebe Mama, unfortunately, is being stupid.
Click to expand...

:yeahthat:

It is like the "Wizard of Oz." The ole great Oz was nothing more than a tiny man with low self-esteem and somebody that had to hide behind a curtain to make the world think more of him.

Once you start seeing these qualities that make somebody/anybody become the person they are not, you first feel like you need answers. It is a knee jerk reaction. How could I be so stupid? How could they lie to me? How could somebody I admire and respect possess these horrible devilish qualities?

Women are ‘fixers' by nature so we set about figuring out how to ‘fix' things. It is normal. Completely and utterly normal to go over and over it in your mind, obsessively and wonder what flags were missed, why me? Why didn't I see how played I was?

You are right. No contact. No contact can serve as a method of closure. It says, I will not take being used and treated this way no more. I'm done and I do this by not offering you a smidgen or ounce of any attention or acknowledgment what-so-ever, done, good-bye.

Later, in time, she'll realize she was the smarter one. She saw the game. She saw the lies, the manipulation and the reasons she is better off without it in her life.

Life goes on....... life gets better.... and they will still be the miserable person inside who will move on to their next victim.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Nickel

Nickel

curiouser and curiouser
Kizzy said:
It says, I will not take being used and treated this way no more. I'm done and I do this by not offering you a smidgen or ounce of any attention or acknowledgment what-so-ever, done, good-by.
Click to expand...
And that is the worst thing you can do to a manipulator, because without someone to play emotional ping-pong with, they're nothing. My ex hated me after we broke up, because I wasn't like all the other girls, who would constantly call him, and ask for apologies or explanations. I gave him zero attention. Moving on is the key to empowerment.
 
K

Kizzy

Guest
I'm sure he trashed you afterwards, every chance he could get; if what you had already dealt with wasn't enough, emotionally, mentally and yes, physically draining, the grapevine can be cruel.

Part of you wants to lash out and strike back, but it is the worst mistake you can make. They are better game players than their victims. No contact. It isn't easy, but in the end, it is the best method.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
404

404

In your head
Still pining away for Pete, I see. Hey, Pete, slip this woman a bone, willya, so she'll shut up already.
 
D

danceintherain

New Member
Kizzy said:
I'm sure he trashed you afterwards, every chance he could get; if what you had already dealt with wasn't enough, emotionally, mentally and yes, physically draining, the grapevine can be cruel.

Part of you wants to lash out and strike back, but it is the worst mistake you can make. They are better game players than their victims. No contact. It isn't easy, but in the end, it is the best method.
Click to expand...
Thanks, I havent spoken with him since last Tuesday. The hard thing is he is coaching my childs team.
 
K

Kizzy

Guest
danceintherain said:
Thanks, I havent spoken with him since last Tuesday. The hard thing is he is coaching my childs team.
Click to expand...

And the thing is, the children don't understand, thus really becomming the victims. Not sure if I'd continue that. :ohwell: Kinda puts you in a position to have contact.
 
D

danceintherain

New Member
dems4me said:
I realize that :spank: I'm just saying that shoudl have been a red flag...its different if it was his pet dog, cat or bird, but we are talking about his kids for shiat sake... weekend after weekend, after weekend, after weekend, after weekend, after weekend, same excuse... woudln't the father have been more inclined to say eff' it and bend his schedule to go see the kids? I'Their his KIDS - not his pets or plants or anything. Something would begin to smell fishy. :shrug: I've dated guys and was even engaged to a guy that had a kid, that's one of the first things discussed in a relationship, and if he'd told me the same excuse everyweekend and out and out saying he can't see his kid, I would be very concerned... I'm just saying from my point of a view (a girls point of view) I woudl have saw that as a big red flag and it would have alarmed me somewhat. ooooohhhh... never mind.. :frown: Why do I even try to explain.:frown:
Click to expand...
I have read your posts and thank you for the responses. His ex lives 5 hours away. She has the kids. He told me he was to have their kids every other weekend. In the beinging he did see them everyother weekend. Then things started to change. When he wasnt getting them every other weekend. I questioned him and he told me that they changed the visitation to the first weekend a month because it was too hard on the kids making the 5 hour road trip. Ok, well then he wasnt getting them on the one weekend a month that he was supposed to. When I questioned that he told me they switched weekends. Then he would get them and there were no problems but it started up again. He told me that his ex started a new job and couldnt meet him the first weekend of the month. I told him to get off his butt and drive up there, pick up the kids and take his visitation papers. Well, he just ignored me. So I just kept asking questions to see if I could help. I made phone calls and found out he doesnt even have formal custody/visitation agreement. And you know the rest from there.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top