Your beef is with God and you can't change His requirements. And no, life isn't only about being good to others. It should be, but what about people who are good to others and yet don't believe in the true God. They are warned of in the Bible in a number of places. Paul said: "beware of people preaching a different Jesus other than the true one" (2 Corinthians 11 v 3, 4). He didn't say: don't worry about a different Jesus, just be good to everyone. Sorry Geek. God Himself said this in the OT & NT and if someone doesn't like it, it's not likely to change God's mind.
As for your friend saying that someone won't get to heaven because they're not catholic; I would advise them that the same fate might await them, because that is NO WHERE in the Bible.
And, sad to say, a person can be Jewish and not make it to heaven but I can't speak for that 4 year old child. If they believe in and follow the teachings of Jesus (as Messianic Jews do) they'll get to heaven. I'm sorry if you don't like or accept that but it isn't my rule, it's God's.