Chores

[rack'm]

Exactly. Thank you.

They do not live there. They are pretty much just a visitor really. Do people really make guests clean their house??

Depends on the parent You would think that some parents have children so they can pawn off their household chores on the kids so they don't have to do anything.

 

[tygrace]

Can you be more specific? I'm not getting your problem with this child.

It's frustrating to me when my stepson's mom allows him not to do things i.e. homework (i'm talking about important things). And when he's not disciplined for ANYTHING.

And in reference to the comments about it not being fair/right to have my stepson do chores around the house, i'd like to know if you are in my situation with step kids.

 

[meangirl]

1. Most likely the full time parent probably has the kid do chores or at least clean up after themselves. So if the part-time parent makes it nothing but a fun visit guess what happens... Kid doesn't want to live with mean full-time parent who makes them follow rules, kid wants to live with fun part-time parent. This will involve years of child putting full-time parent down and always sticking up for fun parent, begging to live with part-time parent making full-time parent feel bad.

2. Obviously a kid who doesn't spend 100% of time in a house shouldn't have to clean up after everyone while they sat around doing nothing. But the child should be expected to help around the house a bit, clean their room or shared playroom if they also made a mess. My point was you can't expect the kids who live in a home 100% of the time to clean up after themselves but when the step kids come around now step-daddy is cleaning up after his kids. Does that sound fair?

3. I may have gotten a bit off topic, I was think more of my situations. Like when the step-son drew on the walls, flushed toys down the toilet, ran back in forth across the street and almost got hit by a car (just a few examples) and never got in trouble. But when my son didn't want to eat all his veggies, he got sent to his room. I am sure I was not perfect in making everyone feel equal, obviously every parent is going to defend their child. I can honestly say I was hardest on my child at first, trying to make the step-kiddies feel comfortable but when I noticed the step-kiddies NEVER getting in trouble I was a bit disappointed.

1. Cleaning up after themselves is totally different from where I saw this thread heading. That is a given to me. Chalk one up for you. My oldest is a "step child" for my husband. Her dad did and still does only make things "fun"... she never said, omg, I wanna go live with fundaddy because I don't have to clean. I mean, really.

2. To me, that does sound fair. I mean...the kid is actually a "guest" as sad as that is. Call it what you will, but I'm being honest.

3. Well, the "real" kids do all that stuff too and get punished at their real home. That is my feeling on it. The step kid?? Daddy knows mommy is going to deal with it, he doesn't have to. I don't agree that a child is treated differently in front of the other as you may have been getting at. That would be wrong and I would just say it outright. :shrug:

 

[sweetprincess23]

Exactly. Thank you.

They do not live there. They are pretty much just a visitor really. Do people really make guests clean their house??

You are right, they shouldn't have to do major chores when they don't make all the mess. But they aren't a visitor, they are a part of the family also, with the exception of a child who only sees a parent during summer or holiday breaks because of distant, than those every other weekends add up and it gets tiring making special visits for a child. I have seen many friends grow up with "friend" parents, and when the kids get out of control during teen years the parent tries putting their foot down, it's too late. So what happens if the kid moves in full-time, they might be used to having such a fun time that when parents need to get serious the kid won't listen.

 

[meangirl]

It's frustrating to me when my stepson's mom allows him not to do things i.e. homework (i'm talking about important things). And when he's not disciplined for ANYTHING.

And in reference to the comments about it not being fair/right to have my stepson do chores around the house, i'd like to know if you are in my situation with step kids.

Why does he not getting disciplined bother you when he is with his mom? Homework, etc? Honestly... it's none of your business. That is between he and mom...who, I might add, is raising him.

So if I don't have step kids I have no validation here? What if mine is the step child? She is.

 

[meangirl]

Depends on the parent You would think that some parents have children so they can pawn off their household chores on the kids so they don't have to do anything.

Yep.

 

[Kain99]

Sometimes we get frustrated, by Disney Dadddies and Mommies. It's natural but in the end, the full time parent gets all of the respect.

I look at my grown children today and thank God for all of those years of frustration. They know where their bread is buttered.

 

[LusbyMom]

Sometimes we get frustrated, by Disney Dadddies and Mommies. It's natural but in the end, the full time parent gets all of the respect.

I look at my grown children today and thank God for all of those years of frustration. They know where their bread is buttered.

Yep!! I agree! As frustrating as it might be to always be the "mean" parent they will appreciate it when they get older.

 

[tygrace]

Why does he not getting disciplined bother you when he is with his mom? Homework, etc? Honestly... it's none of your business. That is between he and mom...who, I might add, is raising him.

So if I don't have step kids I have no validation here? What if mine is the step child? She is.[/QUOT

You're right it is her business, but are you going to tell me that when you see a parent not doing their job "parenting" it doesn't upset you? Maybe it's because I love my stepson and I see him going down a bad path because the lack of parental involvement. I want my stepson to prosper, and I feel that all parents involved must be completely involved.
The part about chores--are you telling me that it's okay for the stepson to feel like a visitor--because if you're treating him like one, he's going to feel like one. The reason for chores for children are to feel like they are a part of "the Family", among other things i.e. responsibilty. I've read alot about how to smooth a blended family, and i've read several times they must be included in household chores--if not, they will not feel a part of the family.

 

[meangirl]

You are right, they shouldn't have to do major chores when they don't make all the mess. But they aren't a visitor, they are a part of the family also, with the exception of a child who only sees a parent during summer or holiday breaks because of distant, than those every other weekends add up and it gets tiring making special visits for a child. I have seen many friends grow up with "friend" parents, and when the kids get out of control during teen years the parent tries putting their foot down, it's too late. So what happens if the kid moves in full-time, they might be used to having such a fun time that when parents need to get serious the kid won't listen.

Umm, you are talking about something that "might" happen. It could happen in a "together" home too. Then what? Just curious because I am not getting it honestly.

And no offense, or maybe so... I love how some stepmoms say "they are part of the family"... oh really? I don't think so. They are a sometime visitor that pisses ya'll off. Period. Sorry.

 

[sweetprincess23]

Yep!! I agree! As frustrating as it might be to always be the "mean" parent they will appreciate it when they get older.

My mom was the mean parent, my father (when I saw him) was the fun parent. I love my mom more than anything for her trying to teach me better, I will admit that I was a brat at times and asked to live with the fun dad. I am now grown with a child of my own, and as many times as I said I won't be like my mom, guess what, I am.

 

[Kain99]

Why does he not getting disciplined bother you when he is with his mom? Homework, etc? Honestly... it's none of your business. That is between he and mom...who, I might add, is raising him.

So if I don't have step kids I have no validation here? What if mine is the step child? She is.[/QUOT

You're right it is her business, but are you going to tell me that when you see a parent not doing their job "parenting" it doesn't upset you? Maybe it's because I love my stepson and I see him going down a bad path because the lack of parental involvement. I want my stepson to prosper, and I feel that all parents involved must be completely involved.
The part about chores--are you telling me that it's okay for the stepson to feel like a visitor--because if you're treating him like one, he's going to feel like one. The reason for chores for children are to feel like they are a part of "the Family", among other things i.e. responsibilty. I've read alot about how to smooth a blended family, and i've read several times they must be included in household chores--if not, they will not feel a part of the family.

My husband raised my 3 children.... They absolutely love and respect him as if he was their father. No doubt about it!

 

[tygrace]

Umm, you are talking about something that "might" happen. It could happen in a "together" home too. Then what? Just curious because I am not getting it honestly.

And no offense, or maybe so... I love how some stepmoms say "they are part of the family"... oh really? I don't think so. They are a sometime visitor that pisses ya'll off. Period. Sorry.

Are you fkkking kidding me? We're not a part of the family? Does your daughter have a mean stepmom? Why else would you say something completely off base? I do everything for my stepson plus some that his own father won't do for him. How dare you say I'm not a part of the family.

 

[meangirl]

You're right it is her business, but are you going to tell me that when you see a parent not doing their job "parenting" it doesn't upset you? Maybe it's because I love my stepson and I see him going down a bad path because the lack of parental involvement. I want my stepson to prosper, and I feel that all parents involved must be completely involved.
The part about chores--are you telling me that it's okay for the stepson to feel like a visitor--because if you're treating him like one, he's going to feel like one. The reason for chores for children are to feel like they are a part of "the Family", among other things i.e. responsibilty. I've read alot about how to smooth a blended family, and i've read several times they must be included in household chores--if not, they will not feel a part of the family.

Ok, if you hated me before, you will really hate me now.

It doesn't bother me at all, EVER, if a step parent isn't doing a great job parenting. Guess what? You are not his mom. In the big picture, you matter not at all unless you are the *main* caregiver/parent. (Which my child did/does have)

Chores to this day do not make me feel "part of the family" come on now. You are really reaching.

 

[Kain99]

Are you fkkking kidding me? We're not a part of the family? Does your daughter have a mean stepmom? Why else would you say something completely off base? I do everything for my stepson plus some that his own father won't do for him. How dare you say I'm not a part of the family.

Secret of success in a step family.... NO DIVIDE!

 

[LusbyMom]

My mom was the mean parent, my father (when I saw him) was the fun parent. I love my mom more than anything for her trying to teach me better, I will admit that I was a brat at times and asked to live with the fun dad. I am now grown with a child of my own, and as many times as I said I won't be like my mom, guess what, I am.

I was the same way growing up. Once I was grown up and had children of my own I appreciated my own mom more than ever.

I now watch my own daughter going through the same thing. She thinks her father's house is cool because she has no rules or responsibility. I am mean and make her do homework and go to bed at a certain hour. And they do fun stuff whenever she is there. That's easy to do when you are a parent every other weekend. We do lots of "fun" things to... but they are mixed it with REAL LIFE.

 

[LusbyMom]

My husband raised my 3 children.... They absolutely love and respect him as if he was their father. No doubt about it!

Same with my hubby. He has raised my daughter since she was 10 months old. She worships him and is his little girl. She knows that he is the one she can ALWAYS depend on.

 

[tygrace]

Ok, if you hated me before, you will really hate me now.

It doesn't bother me at all, EVER, if a step parent isn't doing a great job parenting. Guess what? You are not his mom. In the big picture, you matter not at all unless you are the *main* caregiver/parent. (Which my child did/does have)

Chores to this day do not make me feel "part of the family" come on now. You are really reaching.

No I'm not reaching at all--do you have some kind of degree that has educated you so much to dismay anything that I have said? I never said I wanted to be his real Mom. I did say, however, I love my stepson. Yes, I know that stepkids look at step parents with a third eye-but it really upsets me that you are so negative about stepmoms. It's harder being a step mom than being a bio mom-that is for certain. I'm always thinking ahead so anything I might say/do won't hurt/offend stepson.

I can see how people really lose it on these forums with some of the remarks made by others.

 

[LusbyMom]

No I'm not reaching at all--do you have some kind of degree that has educated you so much to dismay anything that I have said? I never said I wanted to be his real Mom. I did say, however, I love my stepson. Yes, I know that stepkids look at step parents with a third eye-but it really upsets me that you are so negative about stepmoms. It's harder being a step mom than being a bio mom-that is for certain. I'm always thinking ahead so anything I might say/do won't hurt/offend stepson.

I can see how people really lose it on these forums with some of the remarks made by others.

I highly doubt that

 

[Kain99]

No I'm not reaching at all--do you have some kind of degree that has educated you so much to dismay anything that I have said? I never said I wanted to be his real Mom. I did say, however, I love my stepson. Yes, I know that stepkids look at step parents with a third eye-but it really upsets me that you are so negative about stepmoms. It's harder being a step mom than being a bio mom-that is for certain. I'm always thinking ahead so anything I might say/do won't hurt/offend stepson.

I can see how people really lose it on these forums with some of the remarks made by others.

HELLO PEOPLE! I'm telling you that step parents can be hugely important and successful in step kids lives. We are living proof!