Chores

[sweetprincess23]

Umm, you are talking about something that "might" happen. It could happen in a "together" home too. Then what? Just curious because I am not getting it honestly.

And no offense, or maybe so... I love how some stepmoms say "they are part of the family"... oh really? I don't think so. They are a sometime visitor that pisses ya'll off. Period. Sorry.

Actually, it happened with my family. My step father was friends with my step brothers, he got them every weekend and sometimes half the week. They ended up moving in full time and after a year or so, one of them got into a physical altercation with my stepdad and the other just moved out because he stopped getting his way. They now come around on their birthdays, christmas and other present giving holidays. they didn't even show up for his birthday once, he literally offers to pay them to visit. I feel terrible for my stepfather, I want to cry when I see him hurt. As great of a father he was to me and was even better to his own children.

Also, I did love my stepkids. On the first Christmas together I bought the oldest tons of toys for the house so he could feel at home, his father bought him a pair of shoes. when I heard my stepson was caught in a naughty postion with a girl his age(5) I cried for days thinking someone had molested him and he was mistreated by another adult, while his parents just laughed it off. When the youngest was sick and mommy had to go to work, I offered to keep him. I grew up in blended families and most of the time I felt a like one big happy family, other times I felt a bit out of place. I only tried making everyone feel comfortable.

 

[tygrace]

I highly doubt that

You have no idea about our family, so why would you feel the need to add your 2 cents, when you don't know a freaking thing about what you're talking about.

 

[Kain99]

You have no idea about our family, so why would you feel the need to add your 2 cents, when you don't know a freaking thing about what you're talking about.

You need to stand tall darlin. Seriously! Trust me when I say life has a funny way of turning full circle.

 

[tygrace]

You need to stand tall darlin. Seriously! Trust me when I say life has a funny way of turning full circle.

I'm not understanding what you mean-please give me more. Sometimes "I just don't get it!"

 

[LusbyMom]

You have no idea about our family, so why would you feel the need to add your 2 cents, when you don't know a freaking thing about what you're talking about.

I have no idea? It is not harder to be a step parent then it is to be a real parent especially when that step parent is a part-timer... and has the kids a couple days a month.

And why wouldn't I add my 2 cents? This is a public forum in which you are sharing YOUR 2 cents in and so am I.

 

[LusbyMom]

You have no idea about our family, so why would you feel the need to add your 2 cents, when you don't know a freaking thing about what you're talking about.

What I know about your family is what you have posted. You can't discipline your husband's son because he won't allow it. It sounds like your problems begin with your husband. So how exactly is it harder for you to parent him when you are not allowed to do so?

 

[tygrace]

I have no idea? It is not harder to be a step parent then it is to be a real parent especially when that step parent is a part-timer... and has the kids a couple days a month.

And why wouldn't I add my 2 cents? This is a public forum in which you are sharing YOUR 2 cents in and so am I.

1. I haven't judged in anyway-just stated the facts in my life, you however have judged me.

2. It's no only a "couple days of a month".

3. Regarding my comment about being harder: It's much harder emotionally with my step son because I'm always trying to make it work, make it comfortable, make him feel "at home", because I want him to feel like he's valued and a part of the family-not just a "visitor".

 

[Kain99]

I'm not understanding what you mean-please give me more. Sometimes "I just don't get it!"

The kids will grow up and know 100% who loved them!

 

[tygrace]

The kids will grow up and know 100% who loved them!

You're completely right-they will.
I just don't understand why some people have to make such ignorant comments about what has happened in their life and mirror it on to others.

 

[LusbyMom]

1. I haven't judged in anyway-just stated the facts in my life, you however have judged me.

2. It's no only a "couple days of a month".

3. Regarding my comment about being harder: It's much harder emotionally with my step son because I'm always trying to make it work, make it comfortable, make him feel "at home", because I want him to feel like he's valued and a part of the family-not just a "visitor".

I judged you because I disagreed with your opinion?

Maybe you should stop trying so hard. It's been at least what 6 years? It's not gonna happen if you force it and it's really not gonna happen if you and your husband are not on the same page.

 

[sweetprincess23]

I have no idea? It is not harder to be a step parent then it is to be a real parent especially when that step parent is a part-timer... and has the kids a couple days a month.

And why wouldn't I add my 2 cents? This is a public forum in which you are sharing YOUR 2 cents in and so am I.

I don't know which is harder but I will say that it is more heart breaking at times being the real mom and more frustrating at times being stepmom.

Real mom has to deal with everyday crisis, dr.appts., kid throwing tantrums because your a meany. And as much as a real mom does, we get very little aprreciation. It breaks my heart when my son wants to live with his dad, who he hasn't seen in years because I won't let him watch bad movies or buy him a toy everytime we go to walmart.

step mom has to deal with real mommy (unless good relationship between real and step), must walk on tippy toes around everyone because you don't want to overstep boundaries, any time an accident happens at part-time house good chance you will get blamed. I was frustrated everytime I thought I was doing something right, it was never good enough.

IMO daddy needs to step in and fix some of this. stop being a p*&%#

 

[tygrace]

What I know about your family is what you have posted. You can't discipline your husband's son because he won't allow it. It sounds like your problems begin with your husband. So how exactly is it harder for you to parent him when you are not allowed to do so?

You're right-my problems do start with my husband. He and I disagree on some things when it comes to parenting (alot actually). I am by no means saying I'm perfect and my ideas are the best. An example of what I was talking about when I said I do more for my stepson: when he was 9/10, I had been with his father since he turned 7, he had not seen a dentist since I met him (neither mom nor dad took him). I made the appointment, I took him and I followed up with keeping him going every 6 months. You could tell just by looking at him that he needed braces-but neither parent thought it was important. I'm not on a high horse, but that is one of several things that i'm referring to. I am allowed to do things for my stepson -anything that is pleasureable and helpfull, but when it comes to discipline-I'm not involved-that is frustrating.

 

[LusbyMom]

You're right-my problems do start with my husband. He and I disagree on some things when it comes to parenting (alot actually). I am by no means saying I'm perfect and my ideas are the best. An example of what I was talking about when I said I do more for my stepson: when he was 9/10, I had been with his father since he turned 7, he had not seen a dentist since I met him (neither mom nor dad took him). I made the appointment, I took him and I followed up with keeping him going every 6 months. You could tell just by looking at him that he needed braces-but neither parent thought it was important. I'm not on a high horse, but that is one of several things that i'm referring to. I am allowed to do things for my stepson -anything that is pleasureable and helpfull, but when it comes to discipline-I'm not involved-that is frustrating.

Maybe you should consider disengaging.

 

[Kain99]

You're right-my problems do start with my husband. He and I disagree on some things when it comes to parenting (alot actually). I am by no means saying I'm perfect and my ideas are the best. An example of what I was talking about when I said I do more for my stepson: when he was 9/10, I had been with his father since he turned 7, he had not seen a dentist since I met him (neither mom nor dad took him). I made the appointment, I took him and I followed up with keeping him going every 6 months. You could tell just by looking at him that he needed braces-but neither parent thought it was important. I'm not on a high horse, but that is one of several things that i'm referring to. I am allowed to do things for my stepson -anything that is pleasureable and helpfull, but when it comes to discipline-I'm not involved-that is frustrating.

My husband and I, made a pact upon winning custody of the kids. "United Front" at all times. All disagreements were handled behind closed doors.

Bring Daddy in or all will be lost

 

[tygrace]

I judged you because I disagreed with your opinion?

Maybe you should stop trying so hard. It's been at least what 6 years? It's not gonna happen if you force it and it's really not gonna happen if you and your husband are not on the same page.

It was a statement, not an opinion, I made about my family in which you have no idea about. It was a smart azz comeback to my statement-so yes you judged me.

You're right, i do try to hard-it breaks my heart to think about what he feels inside just about the divorce, let alone having to deal with his father's new family. I feel very sorry for him for the way things go for him. I just want him to be happy and healthy (mentally).

 

[tygrace]

I have tried to disengage, but when you love someone and care for their well being--it's difficult to do. My husband has baggage (paris hilton size baggage!) from childhood that he won't deal with. Until he gets straight with all of that, he won't be helpful.

 

[LusbyMom]

I have tried to disengage, but when you love someone and care for their well being--it's difficult to do. My husband has baggage (paris hilton size baggage!) from childhood that he won't deal with. Until he gets straight with all of that, he won't be helpful.

Here is something on disengaging that I know some step parents have resorted to. StepTogether - Essay - Disengaging


Until you and your husband are united you are fighting a battle you can't win.

 

[Kain99]

Here is something on disengaging that I know some step parents have resorted to. StepTogether - Essay - Disengaging


Until you and your husband are united you are fighting a battle you can't win.

Very true LM! Shes living in hell.

 

[tygrace]

Here is something on disengaging that I know some step parents have resorted to. StepTogether - Essay - Disengaging


Until you and your husband are united you are fighting a battle you can't win.

I'm just hoping that he takes something from what I give to him (ie advice,etc.), and how he sees a different way to act as an adult, other than his father. I love my husband, and I'm determined to stay with him, unless it isn't healthy for our children. They are my main concern. My parents stayed married even though it would have been better on us kids not to. I won't do that to my children.

 

[sweetprincess23]

This brings me to my first statement, say no to baby daddy's. Honestly, I can't say I will NEVER be with another one, love conquers all and there might be better situations out there. Just at this time and if I am to learn from past mistakes, I say no for now. some may think I am selfish but I have been told by others they feel the same and agree with me. It is not the children that are the problem, it is the different parenting styles and parental conflicts. I loved my step kids (weren't really step kids, never married the father) but stress that came with it was just too much for our relationship.