Dating

[ZARA]

It sounds like you've had a very interesting life, Zara. I went to school with a girl who graduated and went to college at age 14, but never anyone who had lived on her own! She was monitored pretty close at college, and I guess technically she lived on her own, because she wasn't allowed to have a roommate at that age. She didn't turn out as well-balanced as you are - she kind of stuck in that "i'm a 14 year old genius stage" for years. As if everyone should still be amazed at her. By the time she turned 25 or so, she was still doing the "I'm amazing for how young I am" gig, with a useless major and an entry level job, knowing everyone thought she was the bee knees, while her not so smart contemporaries were on their own with jobs and responsibilities and families. It's curious how people with similar circumstances can turn out so differently.

I have met some people like that and I have found they lack common sense which is greatly needed to survive in this world.

I graduated from the school of hard knocks at a very early age. Street smarts, common sense, and some serious good luck (and/or a few guardian angels) is what prevented me from becoming a statistic. I'm smart but I'm not a prodigy, if only I were...Streets smarts, common sense, plus genius...I would be the ruler of the world right now. LMAO

I have all ways known my own mind and what I want out of life. I'm not a wishy washy person. My only "Goal" is to live a happy life. I was never happy as a child because my life sucked. All I wanted was to feel happiness, to be loved, and to love. I have an older brother that made fun of me when I told him all I wanted out of life was to be happy. Sounds like such a simple answer without much depth...at least that's what my older brother thought. His words hurt me. It was the last time I spoke to him. That was 15 yrs ago.

I have found that most people do not know what it takes to make them happy. So they flounder around in life, staying in stagnant relationships, stagnant jobs, being miserable. They whine, moan, groan about their lives, feeling empty inside and not really feeling true love, joy, happiness...their world is grey, figuratively speaking.
They lack vision. They lack passion. They lack the motivational drive to work for what they need to feel happiness.

I cannot remain in a stagnant life. If I am not happy I make the changes needed so that I am happy. I have walked away many times and started over. My Beloved learned the hard way just how serious I am when it comes to being happy. I have no problem walking away from everything and starting over from scratch. Well, I take that back, at this point in my life, I’m taking half of everything. I have worked too hard to walk away from everything. LOL

Happiness, such a simple word and one that most people do not truly know the meaning of.
I find happiness in the simplest of things but it takes a lot overall to make me happy. (I am high maintenance but I give as good as I get.) I love working, being crazy busy makes me happy. I actually enjoy having a ton of things that all need to be done at the same time. It makes me happy. I’m kind of crazy like that. Before we moved here I worked for a college building their online classrooms from scratch and tailored to each professors teaching style. I actually sat in the classrooms and listened to the professors teach and then tailored their online classrooms to match so that if a student missed class, everything that was covered that day could be accessed anytime online. Now there is a TON of work that goes into this, especially when one is building classrooms for 15 professors. It made me happy because I was able to use all my technical skills, my artistic skills, learned new programs, and I got to teach as well. I love teaching. I taught professors how to build & maintain their online classrooms, taught students that were computer illiterate, and tutored in my free time. It was amazing. I loved it. It made me happy. Happiness- not such a simple word any more.

Back to your original statement, the only reason I had accomplished so much in such a short time is because I am essentially a selfish woman and if someone/something does not make me happy and better my life, I change it, walk away & start over, and/or do whatever it takes to bring happiness back into my heart and my life.

This is my life. It’s the only one I have here. I will live it well and die a happy woman knowing I did not waste one second of it. That is the legacy I leave my children.

You callin' Zara a liar?

LOL Don't sweat it love. I don't really care if people believe me or not. Those that are apart of my life know.

 

[ArkRescue]

This is my boyfriend. He's cute, sings now and then, but otherwise is rather quiet.

 

[ArkRescue]

Whoops I have 2 boyfriends ..... can't forget Foxy.

 

[vraiblonde]

This is my boyfriend. He's cute, sings now and then, but otherwise is rather quiet.

He looks like a pussy.

 

[Hank]

This is my boyfriend. He's cute, sings now and then, but otherwise is rather quiet.

View attachment 100798

Is that Gilligan?

 

[Railroad]

I have met some people like that and I have found they lack common sense which is greatly needed to survive in this world.

I graduated from the school of hard knocks at a very early age. Street smarts, common sense, and some serious good luck (and/or a few guardian angels) is what prevented me from becoming a statistic. I'm smart but I'm not a prodigy, if only I were...Streets smarts, common sense, plus genius...I would be the ruler of the world right now. LMAO


This is my life. It’s the only one I have here. I will live it well and die a happy woman knowing I did not waste one second of it. That is the legacy I leave my children.

Very impressive and very well written, Zara.

 

[mamatutu]

I think it was the hockey mask.

I came to bed wearing that (and only that). And she said, "We need to talk".

I bet she will miss your humor most of all! I always tell my daughter, who is getting married in May 2014, that she is so lucky to be marrying a guy with a sense of humor that is off the charts. That is so important when looking at a future together. I am glad you are BFF with your ex. You will make a great catch for the next lucky lady.

 

[acommondisaster]

I have met some people like that and I have found they lack common sense which is greatly needed to survive in this world.
....

I have found that most people do not know what it takes to make them happy. So they flounder around in life, staying in stagnant relationships, stagnant jobs, being miserable. They whine, moan, groan about their lives, feeling empty inside and not really feeling true love, joy, happiness...their world is grey, figuratively speaking.
They lack vision. They lack passion. They lack the motivational drive to work for what they need to feel happiness.

......

Back to your original statement, the only reason I had accomplished so much in such a short time is because I am essentially a selfish woman and if someone/something does not make me happy and better my life, I change it, walk away & start over, and/or do whatever it takes to bring happiness back into my heart and my life.

I shortened your post up, mostly to save space, no agenda - and I apologize if it seemed that I was questioning your post. I've known a couple of guys who left home at 15 because life was so rotten - one is a successful lawyer - but other than the girl I mentioned, the only girls I knew growing up who were on their own at that early of an age don't count, because they were pregnant and got married...heh...things have changed a lot since I was in high school.

Your post gave me a lot of insight. I mentioned the girl I went to school with - her mother is a psychologist - and used to have a weekly (?) segment on the Today show. It always amused me that she spoke as such an authority, when her own daughter was such a mess. So after I responded to your post, I bing'ed her to find that she's written a bunch of books about "gifted children" and one especially amused me, about "when gifted children fail in school" type book. Seriously, my friends and I in high school with her daughter could see exactly why she ended up as she did - she was coddled and told how special and amazing she was; teachers treated her like a celebrity - I wonder now if her mother had some sort of influence on the BOE. No one thought to tell her that in the real world, she needed to be able to relate to people on a level that didn't include revolving around her. Whereas you learned to go after things, she expected a silver platter, with everything sitting on it.

Since this is a dating thread, and I've derailed it, I wanted to bring it back to your earlier post, about how you wouldn't date anyone with "less" than you. In passing, I can remember hearing studies that professional women are actually marrying "down", for many reasons. It's easier on a relationship (in some cases) to only have one high-power career going on, and one supporting career. If I were dating, I don't know that I'd rule out someone based on salary or possessions or, to some extent, accomplishments. If the guy was well balanced, happy, interesting, and not a free-loader, I wouldn't hesitate to date him, no matter what he earned, or had. Would you really pass up an otherwise "right" guy based on salary disparity?

 

[ZARA]

I shortened your post up, mostly to save space, no agenda - and I apologize if it seemed that I was questioning your post. ..

… In passing, I can remember hearing studies that professional women are actually marrying "down", for many reasons. It's easier on a relationship (in some cases) to only have one high-power career going on, and one supporting career. If I were dating, I don't know that I'd rule out someone based on salary or possessions or, to some extent, accomplishments. If the guy was well balanced, happy, interesting, and not a free-loader, I wouldn't hesitate to date him, no matter what he earned, or had. Would you really pass up an otherwise "right" guy based on salary disparity?

Shorten all you need! I’m wordy sometimes. lol

I didn’t think you were questioning me in the least. My reply to Hank was because he thought Mama was calling me a liar, not you.

Keep in mind that at 23 I was a single mom. My number one goal was to be an amazing mom and what I wanted most at that time was to be a full time mom so that I could dedicate all my time to raising my son. I worked 2 jobs because I had to, not because I wanted to. It took away from time being spent with my son and that made me angry (unhappy). I wanted to live a life where I didn’t have to work if I didn’t want to, hence I wanted to be with someone willing to support me and my son so that I could be a full time mom, which would make me happy (in my heart). Dating someone that had less than I did would defeat my goals and so that automatically eliminated a lot of people. (I am a selfish woman. But my selfishness usually benefits those in my life.)

When I met my Beloved he had crap because his divorce was just finalized and he gave up everything. To me he was a kindred spirit because I understand the need to walk away from everything and start over. BUT he had a career/job security (Navy), ambition, so all though he had nothing in the manner of earthly possessions; he had the motivational drive, aptitude, and ability to rebuild. He had a great deal of potential. He is also very goal oriented and when he sets his mind to something or if he says he is going to do something, I know for fact he will follow through.

I should probably explain what I mean by “less than I did.”
Someone flipping burgers living at home.
Vs
Someone starting over but has motivational drive to follow through.

Back to the beginning, I had a list of standards a man HAD to meet before I would be willing to date him, as I said before my Beloved met each one. Now, the kicker…My poor Beloved was overseas for 6 months and we “dated” via letters and AOL messenger. I wrote him 15 page letters every day and I poured my heart and soul out to him. I figured my “crazy” would run him off and that would be the end. Nope. He didn’t budge. Then I sent him a letter that detailed exactly what I expected out of a relationship and what I would not under any circumstance ever tolerate. I flat out told him I expected to be treated like a Queen and that I wanted to be a full time mom and dedicate all my time to my family. I JUST KNEW he would run away and hide. Nope. He is steadfast. In the next letter I told him all my faults and bad personality traits..he didn’t care. He fell in love with my mind.

I was so brutally honest with him. My honesty usually sends people running. I told him every secret I had, all the crap I endured as a child, and he remained. I was so insanely madly in love with him when he came home from overseas that he was in my mind every second of every day including when I was asleep.

He promised to live up to my list of standards and I promised to treat him like a King. And I do. And he has.

People may see my words as insanely selfish but in reality it is not selfishness, it is honesty; being honest with yourself, with your mate, with your friends and family. There isn’t any guess work involved. Everyone knows exactly where I stand at all times and what I expect as well as what I am willing to give in return.

I will not settle for less. A couple can be honest with one another, incorporate their goals and work as a team to accomplish them, or they will fail and separate. We failed once because somewhere along the years we fell out of touch with one another. I was not happy and felt our relationship had become stagnant. So I left everything behind and walked away.

In my mind and heart our time together was over. But he came back. The man is steadfast. While we were apart I felt like I was dying inside. I know pain. Pain had always been a hated friend that would never go away. But the pain I felt because I left him…So help me Gods I do not ever want to feel that again.

Our relationship was broken beyond repair. As I told him, “It’s like a calculus problem gone horribly wrong. You can’t fix this. But we can start out as friends and go from there. You made me fall in love with you once, I have faith you can do it again.” So we started over as friends with a new list of standards (lol poor guy), began dating, and he made me fall in love with him all over again.

When we started over we discussed all the things that made us lose touch with one another. All the things that had hurt or pissed off one another and we both agreed that we would not allow those things to happen again. I promised to not hold my tongue and to speak my mind when I get pissed. (One of my greatest faults back then was that I would just “grin and bear it” when he pissed me off, which lead me to simmering in my anger and then everything would build up like a pressure cooker until I finally blew up (which is when I pack my chit and left).

In essence, the bottom line will always remain the same. How honest are you with yourself? How honest are you with your mate/SO/ whatever? How well do you know your own mind and do you know what you need to make your life worth living? And the most important one of all…Do you know what love means in your own mind?

The answers to these questions are unique for every person. But once you can answer them without any doubt, life becomes a whole lot simpler.

 

[ArkRescue]

Is that Gilligan?

no that's Austin - Gilligan is cute too though (he's the one on the left in the 1st picture). Austin is a Pixiebob kitty with extra toes and a stubby tail. Austin is a senior kitty that came to us to be a permanent rescue resident. Austin does best at eating and napping, followed by a trip to the litter box, and then drinking water, then napping again. Austin is very good at napping . The 2nd picture is when Austin and the dog met.

 

[HeavyChevy75]

I have all ways known my own mind and what I want out of life. I'm not a wishy washy person.

I have found that most people do not know what it takes to make them happy. So they flounder around in life, staying in stagnant relationships, stagnant jobs, being miserable. They whine, moan, groan about their lives, feeling empty inside and not really feeling true love, joy, happiness...their world is grey, figuratively speaking.
They lack vision. They lack passion. They lack the motivational drive to work for what they need to feel happiness.

I cannot remain in a stagnant life. If I am not happy I make the changes needed so that I am happy. I have walked away many times and started over. My Beloved learned the hard way just how serious I am when it comes to being happy. I have no problem walking away from everything and starting over from scratch. Well, I take that back, at this point in my life, I’m taking half of everything. I have worked too hard to walk away from everything. LOL

That is how I started living my life last year. I was in a situation that I needed to make a drastic change. I wasn't happy with the direction my life was going and I did something selfish for once. I relocated and changed the direction. IT hasn't been easy living down here on my own but it has given me some tools in life that I needed to get.

I have a list of standards that the man I date/marry has to meet. They are not very difficult to meet, but shockingly enough many of the men I have met recently don't have those attributes. I have worked SO hard to get where i am in life that I refuse to settle for someone that is a jerk. I don't deserve that treatment. I will stay single before going back to being treated like dirt.

 

[ArkRescue]

That is how I started living my life last year. I was in a situation that I needed to make a drastic change. I wasn't happy with the direction my life was going and I did something selfish for once. I relocated and changed the direction. IT hasn't been easy living down here on my own but it has given me some tools in life that I needed to get.

I have a list of standards that the man I date/marry has to meet. They are not very difficult to meet, but shockingly enough many of the men I have met recently don't have those attributes. I have worked SO hard to get where i am in life that I refuse to settle for someone that is a jerk. I don't deserve that treatment. I will stay single before going back to being treated like dirt.

I agree - I have lost most of the monetary things I have worked hard for most of my life, had to throw away, give away, or donate most of my possessions. I even had to place some of my chickens to be able to move to a smaller place. 5 years later and I've lived in several temporary homes, always had my critters with me (it was hard to find mini farms that I could afford on my own) and I am now settled and hope I can stay put for about 10-15 years. I figured if I had to do every thing as if I lived alone, but I had the added burden of someone else around telling how I wasn't crap, that I could live alone and do better, and I have, and I AM better off.

 

[GWguy]

... but shockingly enough many of the men I have met recently don't have those attributes. I have worked SO hard to get where i am in life that I refuse to settle for someone that is a jerk.

Funny thing.... I know many men, including myself, who say the same thing.

Men go one way, women the other, never to meet in the middle. The earth is doomed.

 

[ArkRescue]

Funny thing.... I know many men, including myself, who say the same thing.

Men go one way, women the other, never to meet in the middle. The earth is doomed.

nah it's ain't so and you know it. She isn't talking about nice, decent guys like you, she's talking about the jerk men out there who get their kicks from being .. well ... a jerk.

I thought I was doomed to accept the decision I had made for better or for worse, goodness knows I had no clue just how "worse" it could be. When you strive to live a good life, and someone in your life is dragging you down, you either go/stay down, or you get out.

 

[GWguy]

nah it's ain't so and you know it. She isn't talking about nice, decent guys like you, she's talking about the jerk men out there who get their kicks from being .. well ... a jerk.

I thought I was doomed to accept the decision I had made for better or for worse, goodness knows I had no clue just how "worse" it could be. When you strive to live a good life, and someone in your life is dragging you down, you either go/stay down, or you get out.

*sigh*

Didn't think I needed the sarcasm smilie after the 'world is doomed' part.....

Anyway, the Mexicans and 3rd world countries will keep the world populated.

 

[HeavyChevy75]

*sigh*

Didn't think I needed the sarcasm smilie after the 'world is doomed' part.....

Anyway, the Mexicans and 3rd world countries will keep the world populated.

I am sure your not a jerk.

I am to old now to have a baby. My cousin's reproduce like rabbits so no need for me to reproduce.

 

[Hank]

pity party

 

[HeavyChevy75]

pity party

Sorry um no. I am perfectly happy being single right now. My divorce was drawn out and every bit of patience was used.

 

[Hank]

Sorry um no. I am perfectly happy being single right now. My divorce was drawn out and every bit of patience was used.

Wasn't necessarily directed towards you in particular, but if the shoe fits.

 

[ArkRescue]

Wasn't necessarily directed towards you in particular, but if the shoe fits.

Will you stop being a PITA every so often? Sure would give people an opportunity to see your sensitive side, you know .