Forgiving A Cheater

[vraiblonde]

I was so devastated that I suddenly wasn't good enough for him

When a spouse cheats, it's not YOU that's not good enough, honey. And think about the dumb broad he cheated with. If she knew he was married and catted around with him anyway, then she must have the self-esteem of a gnat.

If your friend came to you with this same problem, what advice would you give her?

Now, give yourself that same advice.

 

[mamajo]

Cheating

When a spouse cheats, it's not YOU that's not good enough, honey. And think about the dumb broad he cheated with. If she knew he was married and catted around with him anyway, then she must have the self-esteem of a gnat.

If your friend came to you with this same problem, what advice would you give her?

Now, give yourself that same advice.

Your one very smart lady, Vrai!

 

[MDTerps]

To my karma giver.... I didn't know. Now I understand why she feels that way. All I have to say is one day..... it will probably happen again.

Do tell Camily...... How many times are you suppose to forgive and forget?

 

[Sweet 16]

Exactly people make mistakes

Um......no. A "mistake" is when you do something you didn't know is wrong -- like calling someone by the wrong name or mis-dialing a phone number. This guy did intentionally, willfully and habitually cheat, lie, steal, throw stuff, drink and do drugs. I love how people try to justify bad behavior as a "mistake".

 

[vraiblonde]

Um......no. A "mistake" is when you do something you didn't know is wrong -- like calling someone by the wrong name or mis-dialing a phone number. This guy did intentionally, willfully and habitually cheat, lie, steal, throw stuff, drink and do drugs. I love how people try to justify bad behavior as a "mistake".

Now the sob sisters will give you all kinds of hell for being so judgmental, but I got your back

 

[godsbutterfly]

Listen to your instincts. My ex-husband threatened many times that if I ever left he would kill me. I realize yours has not said anything that drastic, but I am just pointing out that you should not stay just because you are worried about a scene. Have someone there with you when you are ready to go if you think you need to. My children saw so many things I wish that they hadn't. Let your daughter avoid that by all means. Best of luck to you.

 

[carolinagirl]

Yes, of course, there's more than I'm telling! I can say that I've hidden a lot of things from a lot of people. . . . My husband is a recovering alcoholic/addict. He's been clean for about 2.5 years now. That's when things turned sour - although you'd expect the opposite, right?? He put me through the ringer for about 8 years - sneaking out of the house for crack, and taking my ATM card to withdraw the rent money with him. Kinda see why mom no likes him? But I would always hide it from her, claiming that I had had an unexpected expense come up. I did not do drugs with him - and a heavy night for me is 2 wine coolers! But still, I loved him. This was my husband, I picked him and vowed to stay for better or worse.

Obviously, the things I saw THIS MORNING hurt me bad - bad enough to come on to here, a place where people don't really know me and 'noobs' are generally slammed and ask for opinions.

I am at the end of my rope with the situation. He acts like he is the only 'victim' because he was thrown out - and I'm devastated that, for once in my life, I can't make everybody happy. Even if it is at my own expense. . . .

Sweetie, you are an enabler and your husband has learned you will forgive him and take him back no matter what he does. He no longer respects you or fears losing you forever, because you have proven time and time again that you will put up with anything he does.

I know you fear being away from your daughter, but what you should be more afraid of is that you are teaching her that a man can treat you anyway he wants to, but as long as he says he loves you and asks for forgiveness that everything will be fine.

Your marriage vows do not require, nor does GOD expect for you to stay in an abusive, adulterous relationship.

YW.

 

[camily]

To my karma giver.... I didn't know. Now I understand why she feels that way. All I have to say is one day..... it will probably happen again.

Do tell Camily...... How many times are you suppose to forgive and forget?

Um, let me see......as many as you want I guess. For me, it's once. I did it and would do it again in a heartbeat (not take him back if he cheated, I mean I would make the same choice the first time around). It's hard yes, but marriage is hard. Life is hard. If marriage were easy then there would be no divorce. It takes work on both parts. I was not going to give up on 18 years that easily. If you are a quitter then more power to you, I on the other hand will fight for my family any day.
He was with me for 18 years before he cheated, he was never with her without cheating (crazy as it sounds as he was MY husband) and it was only for about 2 months.

 

[MDTerps]

Um, let me see......as many as you want I guess. For me, it's once. I did it and would do it again in a heartbeat (not take him back if he cheated, I mean I would make the same choice the first time around). It's hard yes, but marriage is hard. Life is hard. If marriage were easy then there would be no divorce. It takes work on both parts. I was not going to give up on 18 years that easily. If you are a quitter then more power to you, I on the other hand will fight for my family any day.
He was with me for 18 years before he cheated, he was never with her without cheating (crazy as it sounds as he was MY husband) and it was only for about 2 months.

While it's great that things worked out for you. It doesn't always happen for everyone. I worked hard for my marriage. Like I said before, it kept happening so enough was enough. How would you feel if your husband was sleeping with his POS slut the night before you got married? How do you handle that?

Kudos to you, but not every situation is the same.

 

[Cowgirl]

I was not going to give up on 18 years that easily. If you are a quitter then more power to you, I on the other hand will fight for my family any day.

Now wait just a cotton-pickin minute. Don't you DARE try to imply that women who leave their cheating husbands are giving up on their family. Sounds to me that the cheating husband was the first to give up on the family. Maybe he should have been the one to fight for the family instead of sleeping with another woman. But no...if a woman decides she's not going to let her husband treat her like she doesn't matter, she's the one giving up on the family.

He was with me for 18 years before he cheated, he was never with her without cheating (crazy as it sounds as he was MY husband) and it was only for about 2 months.

What does this mean? And ONLY 2 months?

 

[camily]

While it's great that things worked out for you. It doesn't always happen for everyone. I worked hard for my marriage. Like I said before, it kept happening so enough was enough. How would you feel if your husband was sleeping with his POS slut the night before you got married? How do you handle that?

Kudos to you, but not every situation is the same.

Of course not. I never said it was. If you believe what you say, why do you say in the previous post that it will probably happen again?
You do not know me or my husband. Sorry it happened to you repeatedly, but that does not mean all relationships are the same.

 

[camily]

Now wait just a cotton-pickin minute. Don't you DARE try to imply that women who leave their cheating husbands are giving up on their family. Sounds to me that the cheating husband was the first to give up on the family. Maybe he should have been the one to fight for the family instead of sleeping with another woman. But no...if a woman decides she's not going to let her husband treat her like she doesn't matter, she's the one giving up on the family.




What does this mean? And ONLY 2 months?

Only compared to 18 years.
He made a mistake. I forgave. My choice. He did fight for his family as well when he realized the mistake.
You're takinbg my post further than intended.

 

[Cowgirl]

Only compared to 18 years.
He made a mistake. I forgave. My choice. He did fight for his family as well when he realized the mistake.
You're takinbg my post further than intended.

The beef I had with your post was the part where you implied that women who leave their lying, cheating husbands were giving up on their families.

I don't care what your husband did, or that you took him back.

 

[vraiblonde]

He made a mistake. I forgave. My choice.

See, and if you'd flaked him off, you could have a new boyfriend by now, maybe even be remarried to your perfect soul mate.

So how do you know that the decision you made is the best one?

 

[camily]

See, and if you'd flaked him off, you could have a new boyfriend by now, maybe even be remarried to your perfect soul mate.

So how do you know that the decision you made is the best one?

My gut tells me, and my heart. I am married to my perfect soul mate.

 

[Larry Gude]

Ok...

See, and if you'd flaked him off, you could have a new boyfriend by now, maybe even be remarried to your perfect soul mate.

So how do you know that the decision you made is the best one?

...I said I'm SORRY about the whole shower thing. Do you beleive me???

 

[Sweet 16]

Now the sob sisters will give you all kinds of hell for being so judgmental, but I got your back

^5 Actually, I admit I don't have a point of reference because I've never had to make that choice. Her original post was about much more than cheating, with violence, drinking, drugs, lying, stealing and small children involved. I still maintain that cheating is no "mistake".

 

[rich70]

Um, let me see......as many as you want I guess. For me, it's once. I did it and would do it again in a heartbeat (not take him back if he cheated, I mean I would make the same choice the first time around). It's hard yes, but marriage is hard. Life is hard. If marriage were easy then there would be no divorce. It takes work on both parts. I was not going to give up on 18 years that easily. If you are a quitter then more power to you, I on the other hand will fight for my family any day.
He was with me for 18 years before he cheated, he was never with her without cheating (crazy as it sounds as he was MY husband) and it was only for about 2 months.

Why would he cheat on you after 18 years? And how can you ever have complete trust again. And what do you think he would have done if it was you that cheated on him after 18 years. Men hold a grudge alot longer than women. You think he would forgive you.

 

[camily]

Why would he cheat on you after 18 years? And how can you ever have complete trust again. And what do you think he would have done if it was you that cheated on him after 18 years. Men hold a grudge alot longer than women. You think he would forgive you.

I did. I cheated first about 5 years ago. He took me back. He cheated about a year ago. I took him back.

 

[rich70]

I did. I cheated first about 5 years ago. He took me back. He cheated about a year ago. I took him back.

You two are better people than I am. I just don't think I would ever have any trust again.