Forgiving A Cheater

[shygirlmd]

I've been indirectly in the situation. My dad cheated on my mom, multiple times....and each time it was the "poor me, I'm so sorry, I won't do it again" excuse. I'm not going to put up with it. :shrug:


But I'm glad you and your husband are happy now.

Your dad sounds like my dad. Cheated on my mom throughout their marriage. When mom said no more, he married one of the women he cheated on her with. Proceeded to cheat on his new wife but the new wife either accepts it (and why not? She knew he was a cheater because he cheated with her) or ignores it.

 

[jetmonkey]

Not true, most people that cheat ARE happy at home, they just want some on the side too. FACT.

"The bitterness is strong in this one."

 

[vraiblonde]

Men cheat to get something they're not getting at home. Men are too effing lazy to go to the store if there's milk in the fridge.

 

[KWAK]

Why did she ask him to leave in the first place?

It was a long time coming. . . there were many reasons - the one time he was unemployed and my sister gave him a job - then had to fire him (he did deserve it) he got wasted and left a crude message on the answering machine. . . he cussed her a couple of times. . . those were times my excuses for him were bad.

Essentially, she just thought I deserved better.

 

[whome20603]

You've never been in the situation.
I teach my children people are human and if you love them it's worth saving. At least trying.

I agree with you BUT how many times should she, or anyone, "try" to make it work? For the children, sure but they see what's going on. At least her child's two, very young, and hopefully she hasn't witnessed what many other children do and is certainly possible if she stays with him. In this particular situation, Angel has been through quite a bit...alcohol, drugs, theft of money for stated problems...repeated cheating. I don't know.

 

[lovinmaryland]

...right there. If I go sleep with some other woman other than my wife and everything is just peachy at home, getting along, communicating, work is fine, getting off on each other in the boudoir, got hobbies do fin stuff together, no effing way.

Men cheat to get something they're not getting at home. Men are too effing lazy to go to the store if there's milk in the fridge.

I dont think people cheat just for shiats and giggles... :shrug:

 

[rich70]

Ok, Well I don't condone cheating in any way.... BUT, You kinda cut off your husbands b***s. If you let mommy tell you that you can't live with your husband, I am sure your husband felt abandoned by you. Nothing worse for a man than thinking he can't take care of his family and be the "head of household". Most married couples
will tell you that the woman takes care of everything but let the man think he does!
Lots of couples don't live together for a period of time, like military. But you chose your mommy over your husband..... Just a thought but maybe this is the reason he found warmth someplace else... You need to understand your husband/spouse is first. Hopefully you will learn this before you get married again.

Thats BS You mean to tell me that you would want your daughter to choose her carck head, money stealing, cheating ass husband over you. Come now give me a break. If my daughter was with some one like that his ass would have been gone a long time ago.

 

[mamajo]

Get out, Get out, Get out....I am watching this happen in my own family right now, only its the cheating wife who repeatedly, and I do mean repeatedly, finds other men...one, two, three hell maybe even ten or twenty, who knows, lost count. Just what does this teach the children in these relationships...that your vows mean nothing and that comittment is a joke? All are better off if the cheater is out of the picture, that gives the other spouse a chance to find happiness and trust and truth in a more mature relationship...cheating hurts everyone involved within the family....I am living with this truth every day as I watch my adult son try to deal with the situation. RUN, RUN, RUN It will only get worse.

 

[vraiblonde]

It was a long time coming. . . there were many reasons - the one time he was unemployed and my sister gave him a job - then had to fire him (he did deserve it) he got wasted and left a crude message on the answering machine. . . he cussed her a couple of times. . . those were times my excuses for him were bad.

What? And your Ma didn't want you to be the dutiful wife and make this sterling example of manhood feel like the head of the household??



You already know the answer to your question, you're just looking for confirmation because you're confused; torn between loyalty and survival.

Consider yourself confirmed and dump the chump.

 

[FemmePrincess]

Let me set the stage for this one. . . You and your husband/wife have been married for 6 years, when suddenly you aren't living under the same roof - not because anyone chose to leave, but because the 'landlord' wouldn't allow one of you to stay. During this time, you continue to see each other every day - spend holidays together - celebrate your wedding anniversary - say "I Love You's" - bedroom action stays the same. . . . all while you're trying to save money to move your family elsewhere.

Thats BS You mean to tell me that you would want your daughter to choose her carck head, money stealing, cheating ass husband over you. Come now give me a break. If my daughter was with some one like that his ass would have been gone a long time ago.

But he wasn't really gone from the marriage, just the household. They were not "seperated".

 

[Roberta]

...right there. If I go sleep with some other woman other than my wife and everything is just peachy at home, getting along, communicating, work is fine, getting off on each other in the boudoir, got hobbies do fin stuff together, no effing way.

Men cheat to get something they're not getting at home. Men are too effing lazy to go to the store if there's milk in the fridge.

Ok, lets agree to disagree. I have known a lot of people ( men and women ) who just can't resist the thrill of " the chase ".

 

[mamajo]

Cheating

Ok, lets agree to disagree. I have known a lot of people ( men and women ) who just can't resist the thrill of " the chase ".

Amen to that. The funny part is that the cheater can often make the spouse out to be the guilty party....he did this, he did that, these people are often compulsive liers, physcos, manipulaters....they snow everyone they know to garner sympathy...pick up a new man every few days and play it for all its worth...all the while, saying poor me. Wonder what the new man would think if he knew the whole truth, he## wonder what everyone on the forum would think if they knew the truth to as this person is well known here! I for one would not want to be with someone that had been passed around like a roll of toilet paper!

 

[Larry Gude]

I have...

I'd take him back if he came to me and confessed. That would tell me it was just a momentary lapse, he's genuinely sorry and wants to make our marriage work. If I had to "catch" him after he'd been having a full-blown affair, that would be the end because I'd never trust him again. Ever.

...a confession to make...

 

[Larry Gude]

And that's...

Ok, lets agree to disagree. I have known a lot of people ( men and women ) who just can't resist the thrill of " the chase ".

...it? Just 'the chase'? What that tells me is the thrill of getting her in the mood or her just being in the mood is gone. That tells me all is not well at home.

I live 120 miles from my wife and could get laid 8 nights a week if that's what I wanted, but she is still the only one that can make my knees weak and my heart go thump thump just by smiling at me or simply when I see her name on the caller ID.

So, anyone who is seeking 'the chase' doesn't have that. THAT is what they are looking for and if THAT is what makes them happy, then, by default, again, they ain't happy at home.

 

[toppick08]

...it? Just 'the chase'? What that tells me is the thrill of getting her in the mood or her just being in the mood is gone. That tells me all is not well at home.

I live 120 miles from my wife and could get laid 8 nights a week if that's what I wanted, but she is still the only one that can make my knees weak and my heart go thump thump just by smiling at me or simply when I see her name on the caller ID.

So, anyone who is seeking 'the chase' doesn't have that. THAT is what they are looking for and if THAT is what makes them happy, then, by default, again, they ain't happy at home.

 

[Pete]

you stupid

I think people are to quick to judge. Maybe if they had another kid he would straighten out.

 

[Roberta]

...it? Just 'the chase'? What that tells me is the thrill of getting her in the mood or her just being in the mood is gone. That tells me all is not well at home.

I live 120 miles from my wife and could get laid 8 nights a week if that's what I wanted, but she is still the only one that can make my knees weak and my heart go thump thump just by smiling at me or simply when I see her name on the caller ID.

So, anyone who is seeking 'the chase' doesn't have that. THAT is what they are looking for and if THAT is what makes them happy, then, by default, again, they ain't happy at home.

Oh, you are making me reply again.
In a way you have a point. These people will never be happy at home with anyone. Enough said??

 

[Larry Gude]

No...

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Oh, you are making me reply again.
In a way you have a point. These people will never be happy at home with anyone. Enough said??

...I now have a challenge; to MAKE you post again!

 

[mamajo]

Amen

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Oh, you are making me reply again.
In a way you have a point. These people will never be happy at home with anyone. Enough said??

Man are you ever right there.....all they want is the thrill of the chase and then on to the next conquest!!!!!

 

[vraiblonde]

...a confession to make...

I can feel the private forums going crazy with a flurry of posts.