Grossly Overweight Spouses

[whiteterri38]

I really have to wonder at what point did they stop caring about themselves. I had a very good looking boyfriend (husband now), he was, I would say, vane about his looks and physical attributes before we got married. Although, you see it all the time. People get married and let themselves go. Like they don't care if they look good for their spouse or not (they're married now - so why try to look good)! If I try to look good then I'm trying to look good for someone else! He can't understand that it makes me feel better about myself. It is hard on a marriage. I do not have the figure I used to either, but four kids later, I have always tried to drop the weight after a pregnancy. I work out on a regular basis. I started bike riding in July 2003 and now I'm on the tredmill for the winter months. I hoped this would motivate him and he would exercise with me. But, no go.....

 

[whiteterri38]

T.Rally

Grow up - join a juvenile chat site!

 

[T.Rally]

Re: T.Rally

Originally posted by whiteterri38
Grow up - join a juvenile chat site!

It was a joke, rabbitlady didn't seem to mind. Don't get mad at me because you've failed as a wife.

 

[SxyPrincess]

Re: Re: T.Rally

Originally posted by T.Rally
Don't get mad at me because you've failed as a wife.

Are you saying that her husband has gained weight because she "failed" as a wife? :shrug:

 

[Pookie]

Re: Re: T.Rally

Originally posted by T.Rally
It was a joke, rabbitlady didn't seem to mind. Don't get mad at me because you've failed as a wife.

T.Rally, that wasn't a very fair comment.

 

[pixiegirl]

Originally posted by RabbitLady


(No, I'm not this "pixie-thin" wife, and I know I married my husband "for better or worse", but his weight problem has brought many problems to our marriage.)

~Help

I don't know how I missed the "pixie" reference.

It's all about ME!

 

[RabbitLady]

To Whiteterry38,

Keep up the good work exercising! I too have 4 children and I have done the same thing as you, asking hubbie to walk with me, but he has always something better to do
You'd think with all that weight he's carrying he would consider some physical exercise. First he would get two benefits: one a little exercise and two some bonding time with me, his wife. So, lately I have been doing some calisthenics (spelling?) for me and not for him.

To everyone else, be nice....especially to Whiteterry38. Unless you're in our position, you all shouldn't get too nasty.
So be good!!

 

[Pete]

Ever thought of the "HUT" method? Hard Unadulterated Truth It goes something like this.

Excuse me dear, do you have a minute to talk? Well it's like this

You are gross

I have honestly tried to spur you into losing weight and keeping better hygene and you have ignored it. Now I have a problem, I am embarrased to go out in public with you, you smell bad, your toe nails are curling up they are so long and it has to stop or I am going to walk. It is terribly rude, inconsiderate and just plain wrong that you have let yourself go to this point and that you have forced me to say these things. Now, I have taken out a $750,000 life insurance policy on you and you have some choices to make.

1. Lose weight and clean your act up

2. Sign the divorce papers now.

3. Sit there in your own filth and eat yourself to a coronary, die and my new boyfriend and I will live it up on the insurance money.

 

[Kain99]

I guess the truth is, that an incredibly overweight spouse makes you feel unloved and unimportant.

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by Kain99
I guess the truth is, that an incredibly overweight spouse makes you feel unloved and unimportant.

Yea it would and trapped. What do you do?

 

[whiteterri38]

You can only fail if you are in control - and obviously I'm not the one eating myself to death. It took me up until about a month ago to suggest that he lose weight. It has been bothering me, but I didn't want to hurt him by saying anything. I am not spiteful or say hurtful things about his weight. That isn't failing as a wife-that's love. Yes, the truth hurts sometimes especially from those you love the most.

 

[SxyPrincess]

That's a little rough, Pete. Personally, I couldn't imagine being some 100 plus lbs overweight. If I started to gain an extra few, I'd do something about it before it became too obvious.

Yes, there are many health issues and concerns with obesity, but I wouldn't necessarily divorce my husband because of his weight. Unless of course I had simply fallen out of love with him, but that's highly doubtful. Maybe RL's hubby doesn't know his weight is really bothering her that much. She hasn't said anything until now. Why? :shrug:

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by SxyPrincess
That's a little rough, Pete. Personally, I couldn't imagine being some 100 plus lbs overweight. If I started to gain an extra few, I'd do something about it before it became too obvious.

Yes, there are many health issues and concerns with obesity, but I wouldn't necessarily divorce my husband because of his weight. Unless of course I had simply fallen out of love with him, but that's highly doubtful. Maybe RL's hubby doesn't know his weight is really bothering her that much. She hasn't said anything until now. Why? :shrug:

She said that she has said something to him before. I bet if you married some hunk-o-burning-love and he packed on 40lbs a year, got smelly from not bathing and his toe nails took a "saw" to cut you would change your tune. She is talking about grossly obese, that is probably a bit more than the 100lbs overweight.

 

[SxyPrincess]

Originally posted by Pete
She said that she has said something to him before. I bet if you married some hunk-o-burning-love and he packed on 40lbs a year, got smelly from not bathing and his toe nails took a "saw" to cut you would change your tune. She is talking about grossly obese, that is probably a bit more than the 100lbs overweight.

Well, I'd still love him, but whether or not I'd want to be intimate with him is entirely different. Of course I want my s/o to look well and be healthy enough to enjoy the outdoors.

Maybe she said something, but he might not have heard her. :shrug:

 

[Kain99]

Originally posted by SxyPrincess
Maybe she said something, but he might not have heard her. :shrug:

That happens all the time!

 

[SxyPrincess]

Originally posted by Kain99
That happens all the time!

That's why you don't say anything. Instead, take the Platinum card and go shopping. He'll be relieved that he gets to watch football without you nagging. And you'll be happy about a girls day out.

 

[Kain99]

Originally posted by kwillia
Alllllll, Have you considered starting a thread to ask us all for marriage advice... ... we would love to help...

Old Kain: Why No, I hadn't given that any thought.... Thanks for the great idea!

New Kain: Hey K go **** off! Have a Nice Day!

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by SxyPrincess
Well, I'd still love him, but whether or not I'd want to be intimate with him is entirely different. :shrug:

I was wondering about that. About the time he dropped the foot long Subway BMT with extra mayo, wiped his mouth on his sleeve and wanted to play a little "slap and tickle" you would be but it would be your marital duty right?

 

[mainman]

Originally posted by Kain99
Old Kain: Why No, I hadn't given that any thought.... Thanks for the great idea!

New Kain: Hey K go **** off! Have a Nice Day!

I repeat....

 

[SxyPrincess]

Originally posted by Pete
but it would be your marital duty right?

Um, NO! I don't think of it as my duty to have sex with my husband, it a priviledge for him. If he doesn't take out the trash, mow the lawn, clean the gutters..etc...he doesn't get any.