How do I get him to take care of his son??????????

C

CalvertNewbie

Guest
I wonder what would happen if courts "reached back" into deadbeats families and forced their parents to pay child support if the parent didn't.

Would deadbeats change their tune and pay if their mom and dad were getting hosed?

Would parents beat their kids more often if they knew they could be potentially screwed by their scofflaw attitudes?

I doubt it would make any difference to these losers. They have no sense of personal responsibility and no respect for anyone, not even themselves. If they don't even care about their own kids, I doubt they'd care if they screw their parent's lives up either. Any "parent" who doesn't pay to support their children is trash. But it's not the responsibility of the grandparents to pay up.

Like all the other deadbeats out there, this guy needs to pay for his son. It's not just the mother's responsibility to financially support her son, although she doesn't have much of a choice here. That's because the bebe daddy is acting like a child, running from his responsibility and knocking someone else up in the process.

I'm happy to hear that the OP is working to support her son so I don't have to pay to support him. It's exhausting having to pay for everyone else's mistakes because they won't. I sure wish this guy would stop having kids. He's clearly a poor excuse for a father and should get himself snipped before he has more kids he doesn't support.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
I doubt it would make any difference to these losers. They have no sense of personal responsibility and no respect for anyone, not even themselves. If they don't even care about their own kids, I doubt they'd care if they screw their parent's lives up either. Any "parent" who doesn't pay to support their children is trash. But it's not the responsibility of the grandparents to pay up.

I haven't read hardly any of this thread - okay, that's an understatement because yours is the only post I've read at all. :lol:

You can't always blame the guy for not wanting to support kids some woman pops out. Maybe he took precautions and it didn't work. Maybe she lied and told him she was on the pill or whatever.

So is it fair that he gets trapped by some bebe mama looking for a meal ticket?

The real problem is people - men AND women - who jump in the rack with some dip#### they picked up at a bar and hardly know. Ideally sex wouldn't be some recreational thing that's of no more consequence than clipping your nails, but there it is. And unwanted children by people you hate are the result.
 
C

CalvertNewbie

Guest
I haven't read hardly any of this thread - okay, that's an understatement because yours is the only post I've read at all. :lol:

You can't always blame the guy for not wanting to support kids some woman pops out. Maybe he took precautions and it didn't work. Maybe she lied and told him she was on the pill or whatever.

So is it fair that he gets trapped by some bebe mama looking for a meal ticket?

The real problem is people - men AND women - who jump in the rack with some dip#### they picked up at a bar and hardly know. Ideally sex wouldn't be some recreational thing that's of no more consequence than clipping your nails, but there it is. And unwanted children by people you hate are the result.

Well, what a fabulous one post you decided to read! :lol:

Whatever was said by either party before they jumped in the sack doesn't really matter, imo. You shouldn't be dumb enough to trust anyone except yourself in situations like that. What matters is that both of them chose to do the deed and should know that there's always a risk of pregnancy. Along with a baby comes financial obligations for both momma and daddy (as well as us tax payers oftentimes), whether they planned on her getting knocked up or not.

I guess what I'm saying is this.....if you don't want to spend the next 18 years paying for a child, then get some brains BEFORE getting busy. Guys should know that there are many women out there who will get knocked up to "trap" him for various reasons.
 

Suz

33 yrs & we r still n luv
o.k. thanks to all who gave me some feedback.

i have been in touch with my local Child support enforcement agency. and the agency and I did figure out a plan that we hope will work out.

And, i just want to say that i never once said that my son's grandparents could not see thier grandson. not ever. like she stated in earlier posts. i did ask for some assistance financially from her because i didn't want to pay my bills late. but she told me it was not her responsibility so i let it go. she also told me if my son needed diapers, food, etc.. she would help me out with that. But my son comes before everything including bills. so he never goes without. Che has food, diapers, clothes, everything he needs before i even think about putting money towards a car payment. so i already have everything that che needed.

Grandma texted me and asked if she could have the little guy for a couple of days. I said yes. but i only asked two things of her. That she provide transportation for the visit both ways. (its about an hour drive one-way.) and that she does not let her son (the sperm donor) have any contact with my son. When my son visits she tells him daddys on the phone and lets his dad talk to him on the phone. I am very much against this, For one he doesnt deserve to talk to him on the phone because, being a father isn't making a restricted phone call less than once a month and tell the kid its daddy. he doesnt pay child support, he doesnt even call and ask me how my son is. he does nothing. so why is it so easy for him to pick up the phone and make a call, but not easy to do anything else for him. nobody even has any contact information for him, so my son's father only gets to know whats going on with him, when he decides he wants to know. But claims he misses him so much. and the while family makes such a big deal over this ridiculous phone call. and the second reason i am against this so much is because my son has no clue who his father is. my son is not even 20 months old and has not seen his father since the beginning of january. So when you tell my son " daddy is on the phone" he has no idea who he is talking to.

So to get to see Che, you have to provide all transportation and not let Che have contace with his father. And that can change as soon as his father starts acting like a father. I figured maybe it would be some incentive to step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities.

Her response at first was offering me ten dollars to pick him up on sunday. i told her it was not my responsibilty, as she told me when i asked a favor of her. Then she cancelled the whole weekend even though i said she could see him because my "DEMANDS" were immature. and she would give up time to see her grandson because she has to drive both ways for her own visit. and not let che have contact with his father. i also said if i find out that they are letting sperm donor talk to the child he completely abandoned behind my back, just to help out thier son, who refuses to take care of his son. that they will no longer be able to have visits with Che. it's thier visit. not thier son's visit. it shouldnt matter if Che's dad really misses him. he should have thought about that before he moved halfway acrossed the country and is working harder at dodging child support then actually paying it.

That is exactly why I cancelled. Driving both ways had nothing to do with it at all. I'm tired of all the drama and demands.

And your continually putting PERSONAL INFORMATION out on this public forum proves how immature you are Madi. I'm tired of it.
 

Suz

33 yrs & we r still n luv
Suz has money and if there was a verbal agreement to Suz picking up of Che and bringing him back, it is a big deal. If there was not then a halfway point should be met. This child and his mother are receiving no child support, and I don't understand why everyone is ganging up on her. Diapers and food are only a portion of what this child needs.

You have NEVER even met me. How the hell would you know if I had money or not?

And who the hell are you anyway? Oh that's right. Your the 'awesome' mother who abandoned her own child to move in with her lover...... Give me a break Wenchy and STFU. You don't know sh*t.
 

Chasey_Lane

Salt Life
You have NEVER even met me. How the hell would you know if I had money or not?

And who the hell are you anyway? Oh that's right. Your the 'awesome' mother who abandoned her own child to move in with her lover...... Give me a break Wenchy and STFU. You don't know sh*t.

So, Wenchy doesn't know you personally, but you seem to know a lot about her. :lol: Funny!
 

01mds10

New Member
Everyone?
no just my son's dad.
And i can afford him, But just because i can afford him, doesnt give his father the right to not do anything at all for him.

get with reality that a deadbeat is a deadbeat and is not going to pay..

why did you even post this thread? to see how to get money from a deadbeat father? if you found the answer to that, alot of people would be thankful.. you won't be able to find the answer to that here...
 

chemommy25

New Member
I haven't read hardly any of this thread - okay, that's an understatement because yours is the only post I've read at all. :lol:

You can't always blame the guy for not wanting to support kids some woman pops out. Maybe he took precautions and it didn't work. Maybe she lied and told him she was on the pill or whatever.

So is it fair that he gets trapped by some bebe mama looking for a meal ticket?

The real problem is people - men AND women - who jump in the rack with some dip#### they picked up at a bar and hardly know. Ideally sex wouldn't be some recreational thing that's of no more consequence than clipping your nails, but there it is. And unwanted children by people you hate are the result.

Not that it really matters. But me and my son's father were living with eachother and loved eachother very much when we concieved. i also was on birth control, and i guess i was the 0.1% that it just didn't really work for. I was in college, working two jobs, had my own car that was paid off, and my own apartment. No i was not looking for a meal ticket, nor was i ready for a child. And i did not get pregnant on purpose. But i couldn't bring myself to having an abortion. And although it's rough being a single parent and having to deal with his father who does nothing for him. i would not go back and change my decision on having my son. He is my whole world and i love him more than life itself, and i'm glad that I have him. After me and Che's dad got over the initial shock that we were having a child together, we were happy. About four months into the pregnancy he changed for the worst into a person i didn't even know. and i tried my hardest to stay with him because we were having a child together. when my son was about 5 or 6 months old i left him because i could not take the abuse anymore. mentally and physically, and i didn't want my son around it either. My son's father unfortuantely is not a very nice person and did not show his true colors until it was too late. his father did not hate me at all when i left and begged me not to go. So nobody tricked anybody, and he did not have a woman having his baby that he hated. After I left, he decided if he could not have me, he wanted nothing to do with either of us. Now the only relationship he is willing to have is a restricted phone call to his son when he hears he will be at his parents house, once every two months or so. Why start a realtionship like that? i would rather my son not know him at all if that is all he is getting from his father.
 

PrepH4U

New Member
Not that it really matters. But me and my son's father were living with eachother and loved eachother very much when we concieved. i also was on birth control, and i guess i was the 0.1% that it just didn't really work for. I was in college, working two jobs, had my own car that was paid off, and my own apartment. No i was not looking for a meal ticket, nor was i ready for a child. And i did not get pregnant on purpose. But i couldn't bring myself to having an abortion. And although it's rough being a single parent and having to deal with his father who does nothing for him. i would not go back and change my decision on having my son. He is my whole world and i love him more than life itself, and i'm glad that I have him. After me and Che's dad got over the initial shock that we were having a child together, we were happy. About four months into the pregnancy he changed for the worst into a person i didn't even know. and i tried my hardest to stay with him because we were having a child together. when my son was about 5 or 6 months old i left him because i could not take the abuse anymore. mentally and physically, and i didn't want my son around it either. My son's father unfortuantely is not a very nice person and did not show his true colors until it was too late. his father did not hate me at all when i left and begged me not to go. So nobody tricked anybody, and he did not have a woman having his baby that he hated. After I left, he decided if he could not have me, he wanted nothing to do with either of us. Now the only relationship he is willing to have is a restricted phone call to his son when he hears he will be at his parents house, once every two months or so. Why start a realtionship like that? i would rather my son not know him at all if that is all he is getting from his father.

It sounds like you are trying to make the best out of your situation. One question, if he is at a restricted number and the grandparents do not know how to get in touch with him, how does he hear when your son is going to be at the grandparents house. :shrug:
 

chemommy25

New Member
That is exactly why I cancelled. Driving both ways had nothing to do with it at all. I'm tired of all the drama and demands.

And your continually putting PERSONAL INFORMATION out on this public forum proves how immature you are Madi. I'm tired of it.

If anybody has any information on where i should start or what i should do to get him to start paying his child support.I dont evenknow where he is. I mean i have done everything i think i could do. i have been to court. i have paid EVERY court cost. he has not shown up but for one court date. As of right now i have spent hundreds of dollars just trying to get him to take care of his son. and still i get nothin. please let me know. Thanks in advance.

This is what my question was in the original post. After i gave a little bit of details about the case. i didn't say anything about his family. nor did i bring up any names. i didn't say anything personal. i have asked questions on here before and got some really good feedback from people who have already been there and done that. I was genuinely asking a question in hope that somebody could give me some help because they went through the same thing and they could give me some insight. The personal stuff came up when this was said...

"I didn't "play" so I don't HAVE to PAY. It is NOT my responsibility. I am the grandparent, not the parent.

Now, if she needed diapers, food, clothes all she has to do is ask. I take Che' for days at a time so she doesn't have to pay for a sitter. (and enjoy every minute I have him.) No, she wants cash. Which she asked for via texting my cell phone last night. Hence this thread....... and now I understand I can't see my grandson once again because I said no to the cash.

Tell you what. All of you are so quick to jump on the bandwagon...Why don't ya'll just pass the plate, give up some cash, and I'll let you know where to send it to her? How's that for a solution? Since ya'll seem to know the answer for everything......"


For one i never said she couldnt see her grandson, so that was a lie. two all i did was ask a question and it turned into it being a personal attack on the family. three, she purposely made me sound like i was using my son to try to get money out of the family. I asked one time for some help in paying off a bill i had because i was really worried about it. i didnt just want cash. And then claimed that i said since you will not give me money you cannot see your grandson. that is not the case AT ALL. after i asked for some help, and she said it was not her responsibility, i let it go. and i came on the SOMD forum to see what others did when they were in the same situation as me.

I'm not sure if somebody has a guilty conscience and feels the need to defend themselves.

But i seriously was asking to know what other people did when they were put in a situation like this. not to start any arguments.

I would never hold my son at "ransom" to get money from his grandparents. And i would not use my son as a pawn in some game, ever. And to this very moment, the offer is still on the table that if she wanted to come and get her grandson for the weekend, the answer is yes. it was never no. and it never will be. just because i asked for help one time and i was turned down, does not mean i would keep Che from his grandparents. But the only thing i asked for was for them to provide the transportation, and if, and only if, Thier son decided to call while my son was in thier care, not to put them on the phone with eachother. that is it. all of a sudden it turned into me saying that they cant visit with my son because they didnt give me money and i am making "demands" and blah blah blah. for god sakes I am my son's mother. And i ask two simple requests as his mother, and i would like it if those requests were respected. and this is what it turns into. I am not a selfish brat and i am not playing games. And as his mother i would hope i would have some say in what my child does. if anybody really cared that they see thier grandson, then those two simple things that i asked of them would not be a big deal at all. i am expected to not ask for help, to do everything on my own, and not to say anything about it because this is the life i chose. o.k well if i can do all that, then i should be able to say who my son is allowed to talk to and to ask for them to provide the transportation. And if that is to much to ask for, than so be it. i hope this clears it up for everyone.
 
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chemommy25

New Member
It sounds like you are trying to make the best out of your situation. One question, if he is at a restricted number and the grandparents do not know how to get in touch with him, how does he hear when your son is going to be at the grandparents house. :shrug:

his parents tell me he calls once a week to talk to his father. but always calls from a restricted number. and i guess if they have plans to see thier grandson they tell him the days he is supposed to be over there, and he calls then. that is all i can come up with if they really do not know any way to reach him. i want to believe they do not know any more information than I do,Because if they do know anything at all that would help in finding where he is, then they are just as bad as he is for defending him. but its kinda hard to believe that they are just as clueless as I am when it comes to the whereabouts of thier son. But like i said they claim they know nothing, so i leave it at that.
 

Suz

33 yrs & we r still n luv
If anybody has any information on where i should start or what i should do to get him to start paying his child support.I dont evenknow where he is. I mean i have done everything i think i could do. i have been to court. i have paid EVERY court cost. he has not shown up but for one court date. As of right now i have spent hundreds of dollars just trying to get him to take care of his son. and still i get nothin. please let me know. Thanks in advance.

This is what my question was in the original post. After i gave a little bit of details about the case. i didn't say anything about his family. nor did i bring up any names. i didn't say anything personal. i have asked questions on here before and got some really good feedback from people who have already been there and done that. I was genuinely asking a question in hope that somebody could give me some help because they went through the same thing and they could give me some insight. The personal stuff came up when this was said...

"I didn't "play" so I don't HAVE to PAY. It is NOT my responsibility. I am the grandparent, not the parent.

Now, if she needed diapers, food, clothes all she has to do is ask. I take Che' for days at a time so she doesn't have to pay for a sitter. (and enjoy every minute I have him.) No, she wants cash. Which she asked for via texting my cell phone last night. Hence this thread....... and now I understand I can't see my grandson once again because I said no to the cash.

Tell you what. All of you are so quick to jump on the bandwagon...Why don't ya'll just pass the plate, give up some cash, and I'll let you know where to send it to her? How's that for a solution? Since ya'll seem to know the answer for everything......"


For one i never said she couldnt see her grandson, so that was a lie. two all i did was ask a question and it turned into it being a personal attack on the family. three, she purposely made me sound like i was using my son to try to get money out of the family. I asked one time for some help in paying off a bill i had because i was really worried about it. i didnt just want cash. And then claimed that i said since you will not give me money you cannot see your grandson. that is not the case AT ALL. after i asked for some help, and she said it was not her responsibility, i let it go. and i came on the SOMD forum to see what others did when they were in the same situation as me.

I'm not sure if somebody has a guilty conscience and feels the need to defend themselves.

But i seriously was asking to know what other people did when they were put in a situation like this. not to start any arguments.

I would never hold my son at "ransom" to get money from his grandparents. And i would not use my son as a pawn in some game, ever.
For one i never said she couldnt see her grandson, so that was a lie.The response from you definitely gave that impression. Calling me a liar isn't helping the situation at all.

three, she purposely made me sound like i was using my son to try to get money out of the family.What would you call it? There was no mention of paying the money back when the request was made..........

I asked one time for some help in paying off a bill i had because i was really worried about it. i didnt just want cash. Child support isn't to be used to pay YOUR BILLS. And if you didn't want cash what the hell did you want?

his parents tell me he calls once a week to talk to his father. but always calls from a restricted number. and i guess if they have plans to see thier grandson they tell him the days he is supposed to be over there, and he calls then. that is all i can come up with if they really do not know any way to reach him. i want to believe they do not know any more information than I do,Because if they do know anything at all that would help in finding where he is, then they are just as bad as he is for defending him. but its kinda hard to believe that they are just as clueless as I am when it comes to the whereabouts of thier son. But like i said they claim they know nothing, so i leave it at that.

No one ever said he calls once a week. In fact he hasn't called in WEEKS. And NO, we don't let him know when we have che'. How could we? We DON'T have a phone number for him, and never know when he might call HIS FATHER. DURING THE DAY WHILE HE IS AT WORK BECAUSE HIS FATHER DOESN'T KEEP HIS CELL ON WHEN HE IS HOME. Give me a ####ing break Madi.


"i want to believe they do not know any more information than I do,Because if they do know anything at all that would help in finding where he is, then they are just as bad as he is for defending him. but its kinda hard to believe that they are just as clueless as I am when it comes to the whereabouts of thier son. But like i said they claim they know nothing, so i leave it at that"

How dare you...... I have done nothing but help you out with information. You know damn well I have told you everything. I volunteer information to you. "they claim to know nothing, so I leave it at that" But yet you make a public statement implying otherwise????????? WTF????
 

BS Gal

Voted Nicest in 08
This entire thread makes me ill. You two should handle your differences privately, not on a public forum. It's awful, really.
 

chemommy25

New Member
For one i never said she couldnt see her grandson, so that was a lie.The response from you definitely gave that impression. Calling me a liar isn't helping the situation at all.

three, she purposely made me sound like i was using my son to try to get money out of the family.What would you call it? There was no mention of paying the money back when the request was made..........

I asked one time for some help in paying off a bill i had because i was really worried about it. i didnt just want cash. Child support isn't to be used to pay YOUR BILLS. And if you didn't want cash what the hell did you want?



No one ever said he calls once a week. In fact he hasn't called in WEEKS. And NO, we don't let him know when we have che'. How could we? We DON'T have a phone number for him, and never know when he might call HIS FATHER. DURING THE DAY WHILE HE IS AT WORK BECAUSE HIS FATHER DOESN'T KEEP HIS CELL ON WHEN HE IS HOME. Give me a ####ing break Madi.


"i want to believe they do not know any more information than I do,Because if they do know anything at all that would help in finding where he is, then they are just as bad as he is for defending him. but its kinda hard to believe that they are just as clueless as I am when it comes to the whereabouts of thier son. But like i said they claim they know nothing, so i leave it at that"

How dare you...... I have done nothing but help you out with information. You know damn well I have told you everything. I volunteer information to you. "they claim to know nothing, so I leave it at that" But yet you make a public statement implying otherwise????????? WTF????

Just leave it alone please. i got the feedback that i needed and from the feedback that people from the forum gave me i called the local child support agency and we are working on making him pay. i am leaving it at that. you can see your grandson. i will not ever ask for your help ever again. sorry i ever did in the first place. Sorry you thought that i was not going to let you see che because you didnt help me out the only time i ever asked. and thier was no mention of paying any money back because you turned me down as soon as i asked. so no i didn't continue with the conversation about any money. ok? its over with. im not arguing with you anymore.
 

tygrace

New Member
his parents tell me he calls once a week to talk to his father. but always calls from a restricted number. and i guess if they have plans to see thier grandson they tell him the days he is supposed to be over there, and he calls then. that is all i can come up with if they really do not know any way to reach him. i want to believe they do not know any more information than I do,Because if they do know anything at all that would help in finding where he is, then they are just as bad as he is for defending him. but its kinda hard to believe that they are just as clueless as I am when it comes to the whereabouts of thier son. But like i said they claim they know nothing, so i leave it at that.

Try looking on myspace or facebook. That's how my girlfriend found her son's father.
 

chemommy25

New Member
Try looking on myspace or facebook. That's how my girlfriend found her son's father.

Yea, him and his wife both have one. i have looked at it several times. we all know what city and state he lives in. but we have to find where he works, so on and so forth. they also block any messages from anybody but thier friends so i can't contact him through there, it won't let me. he is working harder at avoiding his son than to help his son. that is why i don't want him to contact his son, because he is working so hard to avoid him.
 

SoccerMom2

New Member
Have you ever thought it might you he is avoiding? If he calls his parents on the they have your son doesn't that say something? I didn't read the whole thread. It is too long. It sucks that your son has to suffer but freaking out and taking it out on the grandparents isn't helping anyone. It can take years before you get any money from if. Just take help where you can get and go about your business. I Wish you all the luck in the world . You are going to need it.
 
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