How do I get him to take care of his son??????????
- Thread starter chemommy25
- Start date
bcp
In My Opinion
hint.
If, and this is a big if,
If he is on his own. as in, not living with parents, he has a very good chance of getting loans and reduced tuition at various schools. If he is still living at home, his parents income will be considered when the base the need.
Va tech has some pretty good plans like this, and when it comes to engineering, man if he had a degree from there, You would never worry about retirement, he would be writing his own paycheck the rest of his life.
check into it.
bcp
In My Opinion
Dont let his attitude fool you.
example.
Skillet girl gets done with her homework, in one of the problems (hour or so working on it) she has figured trajectory, time of launch date of launch etc... and ended up with the needed figures to send a rocket to the moon. (pretty sure NASA would come up with a better figure) then she tells me she cant figure out how to work the washing machine.
Im like,
You can figure out how to get a rocket to the moon, but hitting a button that says ON completely stumps you?
Im telling, as soon as homework is done, she turns blonde.
example.
Skillet girl gets done with her homework, in one of the problems (hour or so working on it) she has figured trajectory, time of launch date of launch etc... and ended up with the needed figures to send a rocket to the moon. (pretty sure NASA would come up with a better figure) then she tells me she cant figure out how to work the washing machine.
Im like,
You can figure out how to get a rocket to the moon, but hitting a button that says ON completely stumps you?
Im telling, as soon as homework is done, she turns blonde.
bcp
In My Opinion
Here.
A place to start
A place to start
bcp
In My Opinion
one other thing.
VA Tech and the University of Maryland have this thing going.
IF the student completes four years at the university of Maryland, not only do all applicable credits transfer, but Virginia Tech will take that student at in state rates.
no, Im not already checking this stuff out.
VA Tech and the University of Maryland have this thing going.
IF the student completes four years at the university of Maryland, not only do all applicable credits transfer, but Virginia Tech will take that student at in state rates.
no, Im not already checking this stuff out.
how is the family supporting his actions? he lives somewhere in texas - that's over 17 hours away. i don't like his actions and i agree he should step up to the plate, i don't hate him though - afterall he is still my brother.
it's not my responsibility to turn him in, hell i don't even know where he is in texas. do my parents know? hell if i know. i got my own life to worry about, my life is my first priority (i'm single with no kids, unless you count my trucks - which is costing a pretty penny
). when and if i have kids, i will do the same you are doing. you're not an ignorant person, the comment you made, made you sound pretty ignorant though.
bcp
In My Opinion
Ok, I admit, it did sound ignorant. Let me put it in another way then, that may, or may not represent what is going on, because honestly, I dont know the whole story, I only can comment on what is posted here.
If the family knows where the son is, and is in somewhat regular contact with him, then they should be doing everything possible to get him to step up to the plate.
I do know that if it were me that skipped out on a child, my parents would turn me in the moment they discovered my location. Im not too sure they would even give me the chance to run by letting me know they were doing this. If I refused to let them know where I was, they wouldnt even take my call. Disowned would be a good word for how they would look at it.
So, IF the family knows where he is, and is hiding his location, or refusing to turn him in, then that is wrong.
This isnt about you, or your parents or anyone else this is only about doing what is best for that child. And right now I honestly think that the best thing is for the absent father to just be totally out of the picture so the child can grow up not feeling like he/she was abandoned.
If on the other hand the family really honestly does not know the location of the father, and that would require that the father be unemployed and constantly moving about, then the family holds little responsibility for the actions of that adult son.
But it was mentioned that he was from texas, and that his calls came from blocked numbers, that right there is enough contact for authorities to track him down pretty quick. Blocked numbers are only blocked to the recieving end, they are still recorded by the phone companies, so if someone were to call on a blocked number, and then the authorities were notified, they can go to the phone company and do a traceback on that number and find the originating number/location.
Thats why I assumed (perhaps wrongfully) that the family was helping him hide. You just cant hide in this country, its almost impossible. Unless he has gone so far as to change his name, ssn etc...
And yes, I would without the chid knowing I was doing it, use him as a leverage against the family to try and force their hand at turning the father in.
chemommy25
New Member
o.k. thanks to all who gave me some feedback.
i have been in touch with my local Child support enforcement agency. and the agency and I did figure out a plan that we hope will work out.
And, i just want to say that i never once said that my son's grandparents could not see thier grandson. not ever. like she stated in earlier posts. i did ask for some assistance financially from her because i didn't want to pay my bills late. but she told me it was not her responsibility so i let it go. she also told me if my son needed diapers, food, etc.. she would help me out with that. But my son comes before everything including bills. so he never goes without. Che has food, diapers, clothes, everything he needs before i even think about putting money towards a car payment. so i already have everything that che needed.
Grandma texted me and asked if she could have the little guy for a couple of days. I said yes. but i only asked two things of her. That she provide transportation for the visit both ways. (its about an hour drive one-way.) and that she does not let her son (the sperm donor) have any contact with my son. When my son visits she tells him daddys on the phone and lets his dad talk to him on the phone. I am very much against this, For one he doesnt deserve to talk to him on the phone because, being a father isn't making a restricted phone call less than once a month and tell the kid its daddy. he doesnt pay child support, he doesnt even call and ask me how my son is. he does nothing. so why is it so easy for him to pick up the phone and make a call, but not easy to do anything else for him. nobody even has any contact information for him, so my son's father only gets to know whats going on with him, when he decides he wants to know. But claims he misses him so much. and the while family makes such a big deal over this ridiculous phone call. and the second reason i am against this so much is because my son has no clue who his father is. my son is not even 20 months old and has not seen his father since the beginning of january. So when you tell my son " daddy is on the phone" he has no idea who he is talking to.
So to get to see Che, you have to provide all transportation and not let Che have contace with his father. And that can change as soon as his father starts acting like a father. I figured maybe it would be some incentive to step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities.
Her response at first was offering me ten dollars to pick him up on sunday. i told her it was not my responsibilty, as she told me when i asked a favor of her. Then she cancelled the whole weekend even though i said she could see him because my "DEMANDS" were immature. and she would give up time to see her grandson because she has to drive both ways for her own visit. and not let che have contact with his father. i also said if i find out that they are letting sperm donor talk to the child he completely abandoned behind my back, just to help out thier son, who refuses to take care of his son. that they will no longer be able to have visits with Che. it's thier visit. not thier son's visit. it shouldnt matter if Che's dad really misses him. he should have thought about that before he moved halfway acrossed the country and is working harder at dodging child support then actually paying it.
i have been in touch with my local Child support enforcement agency. and the agency and I did figure out a plan that we hope will work out.
And, i just want to say that i never once said that my son's grandparents could not see thier grandson. not ever. like she stated in earlier posts. i did ask for some assistance financially from her because i didn't want to pay my bills late. but she told me it was not her responsibility so i let it go. she also told me if my son needed diapers, food, etc.. she would help me out with that. But my son comes before everything including bills. so he never goes without. Che has food, diapers, clothes, everything he needs before i even think about putting money towards a car payment. so i already have everything that che needed.
Grandma texted me and asked if she could have the little guy for a couple of days. I said yes. but i only asked two things of her. That she provide transportation for the visit both ways. (its about an hour drive one-way.) and that she does not let her son (the sperm donor) have any contact with my son. When my son visits she tells him daddys on the phone and lets his dad talk to him on the phone. I am very much against this, For one he doesnt deserve to talk to him on the phone because, being a father isn't making a restricted phone call less than once a month and tell the kid its daddy. he doesnt pay child support, he doesnt even call and ask me how my son is. he does nothing. so why is it so easy for him to pick up the phone and make a call, but not easy to do anything else for him. nobody even has any contact information for him, so my son's father only gets to know whats going on with him, when he decides he wants to know. But claims he misses him so much. and the while family makes such a big deal over this ridiculous phone call. and the second reason i am against this so much is because my son has no clue who his father is. my son is not even 20 months old and has not seen his father since the beginning of january. So when you tell my son " daddy is on the phone" he has no idea who he is talking to.
So to get to see Che, you have to provide all transportation and not let Che have contace with his father. And that can change as soon as his father starts acting like a father. I figured maybe it would be some incentive to step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities.
Her response at first was offering me ten dollars to pick him up on sunday. i told her it was not my responsibilty, as she told me when i asked a favor of her. Then she cancelled the whole weekend even though i said she could see him because my "DEMANDS" were immature. and she would give up time to see her grandson because she has to drive both ways for her own visit. and not let che have contact with his father. i also said if i find out that they are letting sperm donor talk to the child he completely abandoned behind my back, just to help out thier son, who refuses to take care of his son. that they will no longer be able to have visits with Che. it's thier visit. not thier son's visit. it shouldnt matter if Che's dad really misses him. he should have thought about that before he moved halfway acrossed the country and is working harder at dodging child support then actually paying it.
Your post is way too long to quote but as a mother myself I would love to reach right through my keyboard right now and give you a good 
You should be ashamed that you chose to join a forum that you knew that grandma participated in and then chose to rant on and on about what in the end was your bad choice.
You should be ashamed that you chose to join a forum that you knew that grandma participated in and then chose to rant on and on about what in the end was your bad choice.You should also not use the lack of child support that you may or may not receive as leverage on whether your child can or cannot speak to his father. I am not saying visitation mind you but your kid don't care what dad does or does not pay. He just want's to know him. You stated first that a twenty month old does not know whom they are talking to. If this is the case how are you so sure that your child has even talked to his father?
You should be thanking your lucky stars that Suz still wants to deal with you after all the horrible things you have posted here. 
to Grandma for being enough of a lady to rise above her son's issue's and yours as well in order to try and maintain a relationship with her grandchild.
to Grandma for being enough of a lady to rise above her son's issue's and yours as well in order to try and maintain a relationship with her grandchild.chemommy25
New Member
thats your opinion. I ask questions on here all the time. not so much recently. but in my original post i asked what did other parents do to try to get child support from parents that wouldnt pay. because at that time i already tried everything. after going to court three times and calling every number in the phone book having to do with legal advice on child support. and court houses and child support enforcement agency. i was not getting anywhere with them. and on top of that the courts screwed up on some paperwork, and i almost had to do everything all over again because they claimed they had no case on file for me. So i came on here and asked what other people had to do, because this happens so much i figured other people would be able to tell me what they did. since it felt like i already tried everything. i never went in to detail and put down the other family or made it personal. The other family saw my post and started bringing up all the personal stuff. i simply asked a question wanting help. thats it.
And i know that they let my son talk to his father on the phone because they told me they did.
And i always said i would not keep my son away from them because thier son is a POS. but that they don't let him have contact with my son during thier own visit and they provide transportation. and that was way to much to ask for, and she didn't want to have my son over for the weekend anymore. the plan was alreay set, and she changed her mind.
And i know that they let my son talk to his father on the phone because they told me they did.
And i always said i would not keep my son away from them because thier son is a POS. but that they don't let him have contact with my son during thier own visit and they provide transportation. and that was way to much to ask for, and she didn't want to have my son over for the weekend anymore. the plan was alreay set, and she changed her mind.
chemommy25
New Member
If my son's father wanted to know his son. he wouldnt have packed up everything, knowing we had a mediation date and a court date coming up and moved to texas. and is hiding out from everyone so he doesnt have to pay. At the first court date he asked for mediation between the two of us so we could come up with an agreement on the custody issue, for one to make him look like he cared if he custody or not, and two, to buy more time before a final judgement. during that week between the fisrst court date and mediation he skipped town without telling anyone, and has not seen his son since. if he wanted a relationship with his son. he would still be here. or he would have notified somebody that he was moving. or atleast when he got there, should have told somebody something. but still nothing.
All I get from you, is my loss , my inconvenience, my gas, my time. Whine, whine, whine whine 
. If you are looking for the fast ticket to dealing with munchkin all on your own, I think you may be right on target. Where the heck are your parents at? How much money do they give you each week to take care of their grandchild ? You should be thankful she even offered you gas money, after all she gave you a two day pass from your kid. Good gawd you make my skin crawl. I only hope that one day you will realize and miss what the heck you have screwed up. It is not my job or hers to find him and make him accountable for his child. It's yours. Afterall in was you in that bed that night and not us.
. If you are looking for the fast ticket to dealing with munchkin all on your own, I think you may be right on target. Where the heck are your parents at? How much money do they give you each week to take care of their grandchild ? You should be thankful she even offered you gas money, after all she gave you a two day pass from your kid. Good gawd you make my skin crawl. I only hope that one day you will realize and miss what the heck you have screwed up. It is not my job or hers to find him and make him accountable for his child. It's yours. Afterall in was you in that bed that night and not us.
sockgirl77
Well-Known Member
Exactly!Your post is way too long to quote but as a mother myself I would love to reach right through my keyboard right now and give you a good
Che's Mommy- grow the hell up! Take your child to see his grandmother. I NEVER expect my kids' grandparents to drive to see my kids. I take them to see them weekly. My daughters' grandparents live an hour away and I drive her all the way up there most of the time. A few times it hasn't worked out and she's met me 1/2 way. You'll never have a good relationship with Suz if you don't grow up and put your child's needs in front of your childish games. Che deserves to know his grandma. Quit using him as a damn pawn. My kids' fathers have been crappy but I sure as hell never take it out of their parents or use my kids as pawns.
LusbyMom
You're a LOON :)
First off give up thinking you can get something from a deadbeat... It's not gonna happen. Deadbeats are not gonna change and the system is screwed up. Believe me I deal with one myself and he loves to play the system and screw over my kid. But my kid wants for nothing, lucky for her my hubby has taken care of her for 10 years and has been the daddy to her. When she needs or wants something she knows exactly who she can count on. You will never be able to make your son's father pay.
As for your son talking to him big deal. If he fights you on this you will have to let him talk to him and visit. Child support and visitation have nothing to do with each other. The grandparents can fight you for visitation and probably get it. It's wrong of you to deny access to the father even if you think he is a piece of crap. He probably doesn't want to deal with you so he calls grandma instead. And it's wrong to ask grandma for money. If you truly needed something for your son I am sure grandma would gladly help out and buy some food or diapers.. I can't see a grandma letting a kid suffer... but to hand over cash? I wouldn't. You should be thankful grandma isn't like her son and wants to be involved in the baby's life. It wouldn't kill you to pick him up from her once in awhile and your son would only benefit from it.
As for your son talking to him big deal. If he fights you on this you will have to let him talk to him and visit. Child support and visitation have nothing to do with each other. The grandparents can fight you for visitation and probably get it. It's wrong of you to deny access to the father even if you think he is a piece of crap. He probably doesn't want to deal with you so he calls grandma instead. And it's wrong to ask grandma for money. If you truly needed something for your son I am sure grandma would gladly help out and buy some food or diapers.. I can't see a grandma letting a kid suffer... but to hand over cash? I wouldn't. You should be thankful grandma isn't like her son and wants to be involved in the baby's life. It wouldn't kill you to pick him up from her once in awhile and your son would only benefit from it.