How do I get him to take care of his son??????????

[LusbyMom]

If my son's father wanted to know his son. he wouldnt have packed up everything, knowing we had a mediation date and a court date coming up and moved to texas. and is hiding out from everyone so he doesnt have to pay. At the first court date he asked for mediation between the two of us so we could come up with an agreement on the custody issue, for one to make him look like he cared if he custody or not, and two, to buy more time before a final judgement. during that week between the fisrst court date and mediation he skipped town without telling anyone, and has not seen his son since. if he wanted a relationship with his son. he would still be here. or he would have notified somebody that he was moving. or atleast when he got there, should have told somebody something. but still nothing.

You don't ask for mediation it is ALWAYS court ordered in Maryland unless the parents agree already.

 

[chemommy25]

All I get from you, is my loss , my inconvenience, my gas, my time. Whine, whine, whine whine . If you are looking for the fast ticket to dealing with munchkin all on your own, I think you may be right on target. Where the heck are your parents at? How much money do they give you each week to take care of their grandchild ? You should be thankful she even offered you gas money, after all she gave you a two day pass from your kid. Good gawd you make my skin crawl. I only hope that one day you will realize and miss what the heck you have screwed up. It is not my job or hers to find him and make him accountable for his child. It's yours. Afterall in was you in that bed that night and not us.

nobody gives me any money to take care of my son. i work 7 days a week to take care of him. and im not complaining about taking care of my son. i love him more than life itself and would do anything for him, and don't mind working my a** off to make sure he is happy and healthy. I have driven him all the way to thier house and back plenty of times without asking for gas money. but im just not doing it anymore. And they asked for the visit with my son, therefore they should come get him and drop him off. im not helping anybody else out anymore when i get no help from anyone in return. and i don't need anyone to take my son off my hands for two days. i don't need a break from him, i love him and i am just fine being with him everyday all day. Believe me, i have not messed up anything with his grandparents. nor have i said they could not take him whenever they wanted to visit. like i said i asked for two things, they provide transportation and not to let him have contact with the father who abandoned him. thats it. If they wanted to see him so bad those two things should not be that hard to do. And still to this day i am fine with them coming to get him and taking him to thier house to visit. she told me to have a nice life and that she is not going to see her grandson anytime soon because my "demands" were immature. that was her decision.

 

[chemommy25]

Exactly!

Che's Mommy- grow the hell up! Take your child to see his grandmother. I NEVER expect my kids' grandparents to drive to see my kids. I take them to see them weekly. My daughters' grandparents live an hour away and I drive her all the way up there most of the time. A few times it hasn't worked out and she's met me 1/2 way. You'll never have a good relationship with Suz if you don't grow up and put your child's needs in front of your childish games. Che deserves to know his grandma. Quit using him as a damn pawn. My kids' fathers have been crappy but I sure as hell never take it out of their parents or use my kids as pawns.

like i said i have drove him to see his grandparents many times. prob more than two or three times a month for weekends at a time in the past. i just was not going to this weekend. i work all weekend and if they wanted to see him they would have to provide all transportation. they have not seen him in so long because she was to busy the last couple times i asked. i figured it would not be that big of a deal. i guess it is.

 

[chemommy25]

like i said i have drove him to see his grandparents many times. prob more than two or three times a month for weekends at a time in the past. i just was not going to this weekend. i work all weekend and if they wanted to see him they would have to provide all transportation. they have not seen him in so long because she was to busy the last couple times i asked. i figured it would not be that big of a deal. i guess it is.

And i really am not using him as a pawn. I do not want him to have contact with his father. the man who abandoned him and moved halfway across the country to avoid taking care of him. once again i never said she could not see her grandson. Che loves his grandparents and his sister (his other child he doesnt take care of) and would not take him away from them. But i just do not want him having contact with thier son. and that is the only thing i ask other than transportation. And As my son's mother that is all i ask of them. and it has to turn into a fight.

 

[sockgirl77]

like i said i have drove him to see his grandparents many times. prob more than two or three times a month for weekends at a time in the past. i just was not going to this weekend. i work all weekend and if they wanted to see him they would have to provide all transportation. they have not seen him in so long because she was to busy the last couple times i asked. i figured it would not be that big of a deal. i guess it is.

I may not know Suz all that well but I know enough about her to know that she loves her grandbabies. She's offered to help you with Che's necessities and you denied it because you wanted cash. That's your ignorance. Take the offers and save the money you would have spent on them to pay your bills. And whether you like it or not, his father has rights. As soon as you get your CS order he'll have more rights.

 

[LusbyMom]

And i really am not using him as a pawn. I do not want him to have contact with his father. the man who abandoned him and moved halfway across the country to avoid taking care of him. once again i never said she could not see her grandson. Che loves his grandparents and his sister (his other child he doesnt take care of) and would not take him away from them. But i just do not want him having contact with thier son. and that is the only thing i ask other than transportation. And As my son's mother that is all i ask of them. and it has to turn into a fight.

WHAT YOU DON'T GET IS HE IS YOUR SONS FATHER. You can't change that because you are mad or upset with him.. or even if he is a deadbeat. HE STILL HAS RIGHTS TO HIS SON!

If he talks to the baby who really cares? It's some effort. And you know what if you act like this about it they could just lie to you and not tell you they let him talk and your son is to young to say anything.

So he left, deal with it.Don't put your son in the middle of it. Why did he leave and move away?

 

[chemommy25]

I may not know Suz all that well but I know enough about her to know that she loves her grandbabies. She's offered to help you with Che's necessities and you denied it because you wanted cash. That's your ignorance. Take the offers and save the money you would have spent on them to pay your bills. And whether you like it or not, his father has rights. As soon as you get your CS order he'll have more rights.

I do have a child support order. and he is a year behind, and owes me over eight thousand dollars. i also have full custody, and the only visitation he has is supervised. he has not been back in the state to see his son. he has not called me. nor has he made any payments to the child support. like i said my son is fully stocked up on diapers and food..etc.. but i needed some help on paying one bill i was really worried about. i didnt want cash. and i would have paid it back. but that is in the past and i only asked one time because i didnt know where else to turn and i was desperate. its taken care of now. and i have never asked for help in the past, and i never will again.

 

[LusbyMom]

I do have a child support order. and he is a year behind, and owes me over eight thousand dollars. i also have full custody, and the only visitation he has is supervised. he has not been back in the state to see his son. he has not called me. nor has he made any payments to the child support. like i said my son is fully stocked up on diapers and food..etc.. but i needed some help on paying one bill i was really worried about. i didnt want cash. and i would have paid it back. but that is in the past and i only asked one time because i didnt know where else to turn and i was desperate. its taken care of now. and i have never asked for help in the past, and i never will again.

Who is suppose to supervise it?

 

[chemommy25]

WHAT YOU DON'T GET IS HE IS YOUR SONS FATHER. You can't change that because you are mad or upset with him.. or even if he is a deadbeat. HE STILL HAS RIGHTS TO HIS SON!

If he talks to the baby who really cares? It's some effort. And you know what if you act like this about it they could just lie to you and not tell you they let him talk and your son is to young to say anything.

So he left, deal with it.Don't put your son in the middle of it. Why did he leave and move away?

I left him because he was abusive. he ended up getting another girl pregnant and married her. right before they made a judgement (like within a week) before the court/mediation. he got married and moved to texas. which i don't have anything against him being married, and i really dont care that he moved away, i can't stand him. but he needs to take care of his son.

 

[chemommy25]

Who is suppose to supervise it?

his parents. in thier home.

 

[LusbyMom]

his parents. in thier home.

Guess what... YOU ARE IN CONTEMPT!!! You have a court order stating that it is supervised visitation in their home. They are there when your son talks to his father. So what they are doing they have a legal right to do and you are in the wrong.

 

[Tigerlily]

You come across as impossible to please. On one hand you want the break and will gladly will send bebe off to the grandparents but only as long as they follow your rules. Wake up Che and smell the coffee, as protective as your are of your child that is also how Suz feels about hers. Mother's are very protective of their cubs, no matter how old they might be. Grandma is in an awful position in this deal and & if you choose to make waves and take advantage of it then you may very well be left to figure it out on your own. Please don't make the grandparents pay for your and bebe's dad's mistake. They are trying as best as they can to make up for his.

 

[Wenchy]

You could pull the same thing your baby daddy did. Leave town and leave no forwarding address or phone number.

 

[LusbyMom]

I left him because he was abusive. he ended up getting another girl pregnant and married her. right before they made a judgement (like within a week) before the court/mediation. he got married and moved to texas. which i don't have anything against him being married, and i really dont care that he moved away, i can't stand him. but he needs to take care of his son.

But WHY did he move? I believe all states have the new hire registry. So is he not working at all? But even if they find him and attach his wages it's not going to matter. Last month I sat in child support court. Their was a man there that owed $106,000 dollars... know what they did? Told him he had to pay a purge amount of a couple hundred bucks within less than 2 months. That goes to show how much the system sucks. How does someone even owe that much? Because they let him off time and time again. Is it frustrating? yes... but not much you can do about it. So even if they find him it doesn't mean you will get anything. I have had 15 court dates in the past 3 years and it doesn't do anything.

I do understand your frustration over him not supporting your son. I just don't agree with the grandparents issue and your son's father talking to him.

 

[chemommy25]

Guess what... YOU ARE IN CONTEMPT!!! You have a court order stating that it is supervised visitation in their home. They are there when your son talks to his father. So what they are doing they have a legal right to do and you are in the wrong.

yea i might be in contempt. he gets supervised visitation if he pays the child support. seeing he is eight thousand dollars behind he is in contempt too. if he can't hold up his end of the bargain neither will I. my son doesnt know his father so its not like he is missing him or asking about him. if that were the case i would let my son talk to him. but im not going to start letting him talk to his father when he doesnt do what he is supposed to do, and he only calls like once every two months, and im not letting my son have that kind of relationship, because that will only let him down and hurt his feelings if he only has a relationship when his dad feels like calling.

 

[sockgirl77]

yea i might be in contempt. he gets supervised visitation if he pays the child support. seeing he is eight thousand dollars behind he is in contempt too. if he can't hold up his end of the bargain neither will I. my son doesnt know his father so its not like he is missing him or asking about him. if that were the case i would let my son talk to him. but im not going to start letting him talk to his father when he doesnt do what he is supposed to do, and he only calls like once every two months, and im not letting my son have that kind of relationship, because that will only let him down and hurt his feelings if he only has a relationship when his dad feels like calling.

If he pays? No dear, it does not work like that. And by saying that it proves to me that you are using your child as a pawn!

 

[LusbyMom]

yea i might be in contempt. he gets supervised visitation if he pays the child support. seeing he is eight thousand dollars behind he is in contempt too. if he can't hold up his end of the bargain neither will I. my son doesnt know his father so its not like he is missing him or asking about him. if that were the case i would let my son talk to him. but im not going to start letting him talk to his father when he doesnt do what he is supposed to do, and he only calls like once every two months, and im not letting my son have that kind of relationship, because that will only let him down and hurt his feelings if he only has a relationship when his dad feels like calling.

CHILD SUPPORT AND VISITATION ARE TWO DIFFERENT ISSUES! You need to understand that.

It's not your choice.. you have a court order. You risk losing your son if you want to play an eye for an eye. I mean seriously are you going to stand in front of a judge and say "well he is in contempt too" That is so stupid.

One day your son will grow up and yes he will miss out on having a father. And even if his father is not around much he will still love him.

My ex doesn't do what he is suppose to do but guess what.... he still gets his visitation. You should be thankful your son has grandparents that care about him.

 

[Tigerlily]

nobody gives me any money to take care of my son. i work 7 days a week to take care of him. and im not complaining about taking care of my son. i love him more than life itself and would do anything for him, and don't mind working my a** off to make sure he is happy and healthy. I have driven him all the way to thier house and back plenty of times without asking for gas money. but im just not doing it anymore. And they asked for the visit with my son, therefore they should come get him and drop him off. im not helping anybody else out anymore when i get no help from anyone in return. and i don't need anyone to take my son off my hands for two days. i don't need a break from him, i love him and i am just fine being with him everyday all day. Believe me, i have not messed up anything with his grandparents. nor have i said they could not take him whenever they wanted to visit. like i said i asked for two things, they provide transportation and not to let him have contact with the father who abandoned him. thats it. If they wanted to see him so bad those two things should not be that hard to do. And still to this day i am fine with them coming to get him and taking him to thier house to visit. she told me to have a nice life and that she is not going to see her grandson anytime soon because my "demands" were immature. that was her decision.

Blood is thicker than water. You are the water, your child and their son is blood. You may not agree with it but it is a realilty. You really need to prepare yourself for the reality that he will not do the right thing ever. There may not ever be a check in your BOSE account and you may be angry, hurt and whatever else. You will need to move past all that though and rely on yourself. I wish I could just wave a wand and give you the resolution you want but life just doesn't work that way. If your are strong you will survive and most importantly learn from this experience.

 

[chemommy25]

But WHY did he move? I believe all states have the new hire registry. So is he not working at all? But even if they find him and attach his wages it's not going to matter. Last month I sat in child support court. Their was a man there that owed $106,000 dollars... know what they did? Told him he had to pay a purge amount of a couple hundred bucks within less than 2 months. That goes to show how much the system sucks. How does someone even owe that much? Because they let him off time and time again. Is it frustrating? yes... but not much you can do about it. So even if they find him it doesn't mean you will get anything. I have had 15 court dates in the past 3 years and it doesn't do anything.

I do understand your frustration over him not supporting your son. I just don't agree with the grandparents issue and your son's father talking to him.

My son is very young and doesn't know his father. i don't want his father to start a relationship with him that only consists of a phone call whenever he feels like calling. i've already said this about five times, but thier is no issue with his grandparents, if they want to see him, they can. But the only thing i ask is if thier son calls while my son is in thier care, not to put him on the phone with him. there is more to being a parent than a restricted phone call to a child who can't even speak. every two months or so. what is the point of even calling a child who is to young to understand what is going on, and who has no clue who you are.

 

[LusbyMom]

My son is very young and doesn't know his father. i don't want his father to start a relationship with him that only consists of a phone call whenever he feels like calling. i've already said this about five times, but thier is no issue with his grandparents, if they want to see him, they can. But the only thing i ask is if thier son calls while my son is in thier care, not to put him on the phone with him. there is more to being a parent than a restricted phone call to a child who can't even speak. every two months or so. what is the point of even calling a child who is to young to understand what is going on, and who has no clue who you are.

He doesn't know his father... and you won't let him. And maybe you don't want him in and out.. i understand that to, because I deal with it myself. Consistancy would be awesome but it's not going to happen.

You can't ask them not to let him talk to his father. You have a court order. Do you seriously not understand that? And if your son is to young to speak or understand the phone call why are you so worried about it? Next time they might just not tell you they let them talk. And as your son grows older he will then be put in the middle... he will have to lie to you... or risk losing his grandparents.