How much do you tell your s/o about your past?
- Thread starter Qurious
- Start date
Could he be worried about STDs, AIDS, and the like? You have sex with every partner your partner ever had before you in a sense. In this day and age, there is good reason for celibacy before marriage besides the spiritual mandate.Qurious said:
Well put. I think people have a tendency to place more importance on their past then is really necessary.
SamSpade
Well-Known Member
I'm pretty much a tell-all kind of person. I understand TMI most of the time, but I don't really feel much of a need to hide things. What's the point? It'll all come out sooner or later - might as well be sooner.
I don't see much of the other guy's situation - only your version of it. I do know if I was arguing with someone and they brought up a ridiculous point (say, someone giving me a hard time for getting laid off, only to know they'd been fired half a dozen times), you're damned skippy I'd bring it up. If someone I'd known had DUI's or been in jail - I'm not going to listen to their "advice" on how much I can drink. I've done that. It's not bringing up the past - it's shutting up a noseybody. I had a girlfriend a long time ago with a history of self-mutilation, attempted suicides, drugs, abuse and promiscuity - lecturing me about my little sister's problems. I let her have it, because it was none of her damned business.
On the other hand ---
Bringing UNRELATED sh!t just because you can is just plain dirty. Poking around in people's past just to be nosey is the product of an insecure control freak.
I think, in a good relationship, you reach a level of trust where it doesn't MATTER how much they know - and as they learn more - it doesn't bother you, either. Heck, this past Thanksgiving my dad told me stuff about his growing up that I'd NEVER heard before. And I thought I knew all of it.
I don't see much of the other guy's situation - only your version of it. I do know if I was arguing with someone and they brought up a ridiculous point (say, someone giving me a hard time for getting laid off, only to know they'd been fired half a dozen times), you're damned skippy I'd bring it up. If someone I'd known had DUI's or been in jail - I'm not going to listen to their "advice" on how much I can drink. I've done that. It's not bringing up the past - it's shutting up a noseybody. I had a girlfriend a long time ago with a history of self-mutilation, attempted suicides, drugs, abuse and promiscuity - lecturing me about my little sister's problems. I let her have it, because it was none of her damned business.
On the other hand ---
Bringing UNRELATED sh!t just because you can is just plain dirty. Poking around in people's past just to be nosey is the product of an insecure control freak.
I think, in a good relationship, you reach a level of trust where it doesn't MATTER how much they know - and as they learn more - it doesn't bother you, either. Heck, this past Thanksgiving my dad told me stuff about his growing up that I'd NEVER heard before. And I thought I knew all of it.
dustin
UAIOE
I think you would both need to go to the counseling, not just him. I don't know all about your relationship, but I would think greater progress could be had with both of you in attendance. Because although it very well could be HIS issue, you might have some play in this which causes HIS issue... which both sides may be brought to light during counseling.Qurious said:
Dougstermd
ORGASM DONOR
Qurious said:
you are too busy
we all should 
you because you think 
= 
you gota know when to fish and when to cut bait. All you are catching is the same old oyster toad. Its fun when you first get a tug on your line then you get it reeled up to the boat and it spits mud all over and you can't wait to throw it back. 
Qurious
Im On 1.
Dougstermd said:you are too busy
I know the difference between lust, infatuation and love.
Its more to it than sex after 4 years BELEIVE ME!!!
kwillia
n/a
Not healthy marriages... Addictive love is ultimately destructive to itself and to the persons involved. Addicted lovers are increasingly unable to cope with anyone or anything else. The relationship becomes the only point of certainty in a bewildering and lonely world. Addictive love does produce a certain excitement that is not present in healthier relationships, which is why some people stay in an unfulfilling relationship long after they've recognized the dysfunctional nature of it.Qurious said:
By contrast, mature lovers have the desire to grow and expand themselves through the relationship. They do not use the lover to fill up the emptiness within themselves, but are self-completed. The relationship brings out the best in them. They are friends who enjoy each other for their own individuality, yet the relationship is integrated into the totality of life, and they maintain other serious interests as well.
I am so confused here. You started this off with how you couldn't believe that he wanted to know about your past and now your yammerin on and on how much you love eachother. My thought is that if asked something answer it. I would not hide anything but I would not necessarily divulge every sordid detail of my life. After four years of being together I would think you would have already shared these things though.