Just thinking...

[julz20684]

What's the price one pays for being in relationships that are comfortable for the sake of familiarity and for the fear of being alone or starting over. Years of dating exclusively, living together, or married...what does one think about or do when, once completely in love and compatible, it no longer exists but yet neither party is willing to end it.

Most know there are spells that all couples go through, but what if it's no longer just a spell, what if the "magic", the "sparks" are really gone? What if one finds it just isn't a compatible, fulfilling relationship anymore? Does one take the step to say I can not exist in this relationship just for the comfort of it, I will not just settle for less than I feel I deserve or want?

What about the reverse? What if one is in a completely passionate relationship but you know this person, in the grand scheme of things is just not the right one to make a life with.

Just thinking out loud...

 

[aps45819]

I either case it's important to let the other person know how you feel

 

[julz20684]

I either case it's important to let the other person know how you feel

Good point and let's say each other knows from both perspectives. What then, I guess it boils down to the individual and whether they WANT to make a change in their life.

 

[BlackSheep]

To thine ownself be true-most of us are familiar with that quote taking from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, but how many of us know this verse: “And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou can not then be false to any man.” Unless we can be true to ourselves first, we cannot be true to others.
The greatest act of love towards another is living a life that is truthful. For those who find it difficult to love ourselves, they will find it will come more easily when they walk in truth about who they are. If we walk in truth, we walk in perfect love, and if we walk in perfect love, then we do not walk in fear because perfect love cast out fear. Because we have been honest with ourselves, we are able to love ourselves with all of our imperfections, knowing that we are in “process” and therefore need not have others approval. This is freedom indeed.

 

[vraiblonde]

I think "magic" and "sparks" are for kids. After 10 (or 20 or 30 or even only 5) years of watching someone snore, eat over the sink, be rude, fart, burp and scratch their nuts, the "magic" and "spark" fade a bit.

I think if after all that time, you can manage to be in the same room with them and restrain yourself from killing them, you're doing pretty good.

Seriously, though, real life things have a way of interfering with even the most passionate romance. You could run off with some other guy and it would be all magical and sparky, but he'd soon be farting and scratching himself, too. So if you're compatible and happy with the one you've built a life with, I think it's foolish to jeopardize that by chasing some Hollywood idea of what true love is.

Comfort and familiarity are not bad things. Fulfill yourself and don't rely on some guy to do it for you.

 

[aps45819]

Good point and let's say each other knows from both perspectives. What then, I guess it boils down to the individual and whether they WANT to make a change in their life.

Pretty much. That and how much is on wiling to sacrifice in order to maintain the statuse quo

 

[BadGirl]

I think "magic" and "sparks" are for kids. After 10 (or 20 or 30 or even only 5) years of watching someone snore, eat over the sink, be rude, fart, burp and scratch their nuts, the "magic" and "spark" fade a bit.

I think if after all that time, you can manage to be in the same room with them and restrain yourself from killing them, you're doing pretty good.

Seriously, though, real life things have a way of interfering with even the most passionate romance. You could run off with some other guy and it would be all magical and sparky, but he'd soon be farting and scratching himself, too. So if you're compatible and happy with the one you've built a life with, I think it's foolish to jeopardize that by chasing some Hollywood idea of what true love is.

Comfort and familiarity are not bad things. Fulfill yourself and don't rely on some guy to do it for you.

 

[morganj614]

Good point and let's say each other knows from both perspectives. What then, I guess it boils down to the individual and whether they WANT to make a change in their life.

We can only chose to change ourselves. If I wanted to make a relationship work and I needed to change something I would have to, for the sake of working on the relationship. All relationships take an amount of compromise and working through things and change is a natural part of it, for one or both parties involved.

 

[Christy]

I think "magic" and "sparks" are for kids. After 10 (or 20 or 30 or even only 5) years of watching someone snore, eat over the sink, be rude, fart, burp and scratch their nuts, the "magic" and "spark" fade a bit.

I think if after all that time, you can manage to be in the same room with them and restrain yourself from killing them, you're doing pretty good.

Seriously, though, real life things have a way of interfering with even the most passionate romance. You could run off with some other guy and it would be all magical and sparky, but he'd soon be farting and scratching himself, too. So if you're compatible and happy with the one you've built a life with, I think it's foolish to jeopardize that by chasing some Hollywood idea of what true love is.

Comfort and familiarity are not bad things. Fulfill yourself and don't rely on some guy to do it for you.

Well said. :

 

[vraiblonde]

That and how much is on wiling to sacrifice in order to maintain the statuse quo

But think about how much you sacrifice for your kids, and how much they can cramp your style on occasion. You still keep them, don't you?

 

[mainman]

But think about how much you sacrifice for your kids, and how much they can cramp your style on occasion. You still keep them, don't you?

For 18 years, then you trade them in on a Vette and turn their room into a gym....

 

[cattitude]

I think I saw Larry scratching in front of me yesterday.

 

[kwillia]

Fulfill yourself and don't rely on some guy to do it for you.

*DING* *DING* *DING* I do believe this is the answer to life. Once I realized I was the one who had control over my happiness, my well-being it changed my entire outlook on my relationship and my life fell into place.

 

[vraiblonde]

I think I saw Larry scratching in front of me yesterday.

The honeymoon's over

 

[aps45819]

Comfort and familiarity are not bad things. Fulfill yourself and don't rely on some guy to do it for you.

..or woman (as the case may be). If you're not a complete person, you don't have much to share with somebody

 

[aps45819]

But think about how much you sacrifice for your kids, and how much they can cramp your style on occasion. You still keep them, don't you?

E-Bay wouldn't list them

 

[vraiblonde]

..or woman (as the case may be). If you're not a complete person, you don't have much to share with somebody

For real. By a certain age you should really have your stuff together.

 

[morganj614]

For real. By a certain age you should really have your stuff together.

you still need the ability to bend and flex in any relationship...or beat them to a bloody pulp

 

[DoWhat]

I think "magic" and "sparks" are for kids. After 10 (or 20 or 30 or even only 5) years of watching someone snore, eat over the sink, be rude, fart, burp and scratch their nuts, the "magic" and "spark" fade a bit.

I think my wife loves me, long time.

 

[oldman]

I think my wife loves me, long time.

I don't believe you. Eating over the sink is just not you.