Just thinking...

[Kain99]

What's the price one pays for being in relationships that are comfortable for the sake of familiarity and for the fear of being alone or starting over. Years of dating exclusively, living together, or married...what does one think about or do when, once completely in love and compatible, it no longer exists but yet neither party is willing to end it.

Most know there are spells that all couples go through, but what if it's no longer just a spell, what if the "magic", the "sparks" are really gone? What if one finds it just isn't a compatible, fulfilling relationship anymore? Does one take the step to say I can not exist in this relationship just for the comfort of it, I will not just settle for less than I feel I deserve or want?

What about the reverse? What if one is in a completely passionate relationship but you know this person, in the grand scheme of things is just not the right one to make a life with.

Just thinking out loud...

To be completely honest, the magic is not supposed to last. If you are missing the feeling of being swept off your feet (the feeling you had in the begining.... ) Ya don't get it.

Love evolves, into respect and deep devotion. *That's the real deal*

Sparks burn out quickly! Ever watched one?

Americans are by far the worst, throw away society. War gets tough.... Retreat! A relationship gets rough... run! We are truly a joke to the rest of the world.

Step back and look at your mate.... Good person? Love you? Hold you when you cry?

I don't know you, nor do I have any idea what this is all about but I'll tell ya, it aint looking good.

 

[BS Gal]

What's the price one pays for being in relationships that are comfortable for the sake of familiarity and for the fear of being alone or starting over. Years of dating exclusively, living together, or married...what does one think about or do when, once completely in love and compatible, it no longer exists but yet neither party is willing to end it.

Most know there are spells that all couples go through, but what if it's no longer just a spell, what if the "magic", the "sparks" are really gone? What if one finds it just isn't a compatible, fulfilling relationship anymore? Does one take the step to say I can not exist in this relationship just for the comfort of it, I will not just settle for less than I feel I deserve or want?

What about the reverse? What if one is in a completely passionate relationship but you know this person, in the grand scheme of things is just not the right one to make a life with.

Just thinking out loud...

Don't know. I've been with my husband for 26 years. I love him more today than I did 26 years ago. He is my best friend.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

For 18 years, then you trade them in on a Vette and turn their room into a gym....

10 years here and day won't quit talkin' about a new 'vette.

 

[BS Gal]

10 years here and day won't quit talkin' about a new 'vette.

If he'd buy me a vette, I'd quit riding the motorcycle.

 

[aps45819]

you still need the ability to bend and flex

like the way you think

 

[Bronwyn]

Life is made up of more than your man (or woman). I say fill your life with things that make you happy, and go for what ever career you long for. Don't wait for someone else to complete you. When you love someone, it should be for the long haul if you marry that person. For better or worse. I may have old fashioned ideas, but I believe in commitment.

 

[Chain729]

What's the price one pays for being in relationships that are comfortable for the sake of familiarity and for the fear of being alone or starting over. Years of dating exclusively, living together, or married...what does one think about or do when, once completely in love and compatible, it no longer exists but yet neither party is willing to end it.

Most know there are spells that all couples go through, but what if it's no longer just a spell, what if the "magic", the "sparks" are really gone? What if one finds it just isn't a compatible, fulfilling relationship anymore? Does one take the step to say I can not exist in this relationship just for the comfort of it, I will not just settle for less than I feel I deserve or want?

What about the reverse? What if one is in a completely passionate relationship but you know this person, in the grand scheme of things is just not the right one to make a life with.

Just thinking out loud...

This got me thinking about my own life. Tell ya what, try the following test (or something similar)...

Pick a weekend day, and get too caught up fixing stairs, patching drywall, chemically stripping floors, scrubbing walls and smoking to remember to take a shower, let alone eat (personally I get light-headed and extremely irritable if I don't eat often- even if I'm not that hungry). Now, try to get some from your significant other without taking a shower first. If you can manage, without being arrested for rape, you've got it better than you thought.

You're S/O might not be a wild monkey anymore, but if you can manage the above, either their sniffer's busted, or they really do love and want you.

 

[signora]

What's the price one pays for being in relationships that are comfortable for the sake of familiarity and for the fear of being alone or starting over. Years of dating exclusively, living together, or married...what does one think about or do when, once completely in love and compatible, it no longer exists but yet neither party is willing to end it.

Most know there are spells that all couples go through, but what if it's no longer just a spell, what if the "magic", the "sparks" are really gone? What if one finds it just isn't a compatible, fulfilling relationship anymore? Does one take the step to say I can not exist in this relationship just for the comfort of it, I will not just settle for less than I feel I deserve or want?

What about the reverse? What if one is in a completely passionate relationship but you know this person, in the grand scheme of things is just not the right one to make a life with.

Just thinking out loud...

I think when the love no longer exists and neither party is willing to end it - it just leads to problems and unhappiness in the marriage. I could not stay in a marriage/relationship where the feelings are not there. I don’t think a “spark” “magic” last forever, but once the love/feelings is gone for that person, I think it’s impossible to recapture it and if you do or keep trying to it will fad quickly.

Trying to find love again to get that “spark” back is not something you should have to constantly keep working on. It you really loved the person from the start – that love should carry through the marriage/relationship through good times and bad. Relationships are not easy, but it’s what you both put into the relationship that makes it last.

I know there are different factors in why people will continue to stay in a relationship/marriage such as age, children or finances, but in the end is it really worth it when you know you’re not happy. I think eventually it will just lead to going to others to find what is missing in the relationship.

 

[Chain729]

I think when the love no longer exists and neither party is willing to end it - it just leads to problems and unhappiness in the marriage. I could not stay in a marriage/relationship where the feelings are not there. I don’t think a “spark” “magic” last forever, but once the love/feelings is gone for that person, I think it’s impossible to recapture it and if you do or keep trying to it will fad quickly.

Trying to find love again to get that “spark” back is not something you should have to constantly keep working on. It you really loved the person from the start – that love should carry through the marriage/relationship through good times and bad. Relationships are not easy, but it’s what you both put into the relationship that makes it last.

I know there are different factors in why people will continue to stay in a relationship/marriage such as age, children or finances, but in the end is it really worth it when you know you’re not happy. I think eventually it will just lead to going to others to find what is missing in the relationship.

This is what happens when you forget what should've been the 11th commandment: Thou shalt not mistake lust- even mutual lust- for love.

 

[LexiGirl75]

But think about how much you sacrifice for your kids, and how much they can cramp your style on occasion. You still keep them, don't you?

I was thinking about that with my dog. Not that I don't want him anymore. But, I can't just give him back either. He is pretty much a member of the family. So if I want to take a romantic vacation somewhere just like my son will need to have care provided, doggy will too. People should only be expendable when they are toxic.

Julz,

I have no long term relationship experience so I really can't say too much. Knowing me, I would bounce. Listen to those with long haul experience.

 

[Azzy]

I was thinking about that with my dog. Not that I don't want him anymore. But, I can't just give him back either. He is pretty much a member of the family. So if I want to take a romantic vacation somewhere just like my son will need to have care provided, doggy will too. People should only be expendable when they are toxic.

Julz,

I have no long term relationship experience so I really can't say too much. Knowing me, I would bounce. Listen to those with long haul experience.

Does this mean you don't still want me to take Rufus? Guess I can stop looking for a house that allows pets

 

[julz20684]

I think "magic" and "sparks" are for kids. After 10 (or 20 or 30 or even only 5) years of watching someone snore, eat over the sink, be rude, fart, burp and scratch their nuts, the "magic" and "spark" fade a bit.

I think if after all that time, you can manage to be in the same room with them and restrain yourself from killing them, you're doing pretty good.

Seriously, though, real life things have a way of interfering with even the most passionate romance. You could run off with some other guy and it would be all magical and sparky, but he'd soon be farting and scratching himself, too. So if you're compatible and happy with the one you've built a life with, I think it's foolish to jeopardize that by chasing some Hollywood idea of what true love is.

Comfort and familiarity are not bad things. Fulfill yourself and don't rely on some guy to do it for you.

I agree with everything you've said here Vrai, except the magic and sparks for kids only. Having been in an on/off relationship with a man for three years (1 of which we lived together), and yes I know three years really isn't much compared to your life with hubby...but hear me out, through all the highs and lows, to this day everytime I see him I get that spark inside of me. He still makes my heart skip a beat.

 

[LexiGirl75]

Does this mean you don't still want me to take Rufus? Guess I can stop looking for a house that allows pets

If the dog was transferrable he'd be yours. I'm stuck with him less I give him back and I don't want him back in the system.

You are more than welcome to visit him. Bring him more toys as he has eaten all 10 stuffies including the talking ones that he got for Christmas.

Besides, I have broken him in and made him a non-barking beagle who likes to lay around the house. You will have to get your own dog and make him lazy.

Sorry

 

[julz20684]

*DING* *DING* *DING* I do believe this is the answer to life. Once I realized I was the one who had control over my happiness, my well-being it changed my entire outlook on my relationship and my life fell into place.

Okay so one is happy with oneself, in control of one's happiness, but there's a nagging feeling that something just isn't right...with either scenario...what do you do?

 

[Azzy]

If the dog was transferrable he'd be yours. I'm stuck with him less I give him back and I don't want him back in the system.

You are more than welcome to visit him. Bring him more toys as he has eaten all 10 stuffies including the talking ones that he got for Christmas.

Besides, I have broken him in and made him a non-barking beagle who likes to lay around the house. You will have to get your own dog and make him lazy.

Sorry

I will settle for watching him when you go for your romantic weekends. I might even watch your son too. Now, I'm gonna go cry, you Indian giver

 

[julz20684]

you still need the ability to bend and flex in any relationship...or beat them to a bloody pulp

I'm thinking you really like beating

 

[julz20684]

To be completely honest, the magic is not supposed to last. If you are missing the feeling of being swept off your feet (the feeling you had in the begining.... ) Ya don't get it.

Love evolves, into respect and deep devotion. *That's the real deal*

Sparks burn out quickly! Ever watched one?

Americans are by far the worst, throw away society. War gets tough.... Retreat! A relationship gets rough... run! We are truly a joke to the rest of the world.

Step back and look at your mate.... Good person? Love you? Hold you when you cry?

I don't know you, nor do I have any idea what this is all about but I'll tell ya, it aint looking good.

It's really not anything or anyone specific...just know friends where each relationship is a complete varying degree of passion/happiness/longevity/grass being greener/etc. and what their basis are for those....hence the reason I made the thread, just wanted to see what my dear forumites thought.

 

[kwillia]

Okay so one is happy with oneself, in control of one's happiness, but there's a nagging feeling that something just isn't right...with either scenario...what do you do?

Then you look at the bigger picture... do you and your S/O have the same goals, visions of the future? Tho you both may be happy individually, are you both happy together? There are a lot of variables.

 

[vraiblonde]

He still makes my heart skip a beat.

Larry would make my heart skip a beat if I didn't have to live with him and put up with his #### every day.



Live with your guy non-stop for five years without running away from home, then get back to me on that "spark" and "magic" business.

 

[julz20684]

I was thinking about that with my dog. Not that I don't want him anymore. But, I can't just give him back either. He is pretty much a member of the family. So if I want to take a romantic vacation somewhere just like my son will need to have care provided, doggy will too. People should only be expendable when they are toxic.

Julz,

I have no long term relationship experience so I really can't say too much. Knowing me, I would bounce. Listen to those with long haul experience.

I'm happily single!