Marriage: What is it good for?

[vraiblonde]

Besides, its a bit different when you lose the emotional/stress safety net of "I'm pissed, you're annoying, I'm going home. I'll be back when I calm down," or any mix or flow variation of that.

If Larry and I were just living together, I'd have gotten pissed and ditched him a thousand times by now. Marriage makes you stick it out, especially if there are kids involved. The only ones left at home are his two, but I wouldn't just up and ditch them because I was pissed at their Dad. At least when it was my own kids, I could have taken them with.

 

[sockgirl77]

All the cooking and cleaning?

Sounds like you hooked up with a kid looking for a mommy with priveleges.

He cooks occasionally. Not gourmet, but it's grub.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

Damn! Some secrets are best kept secret.

 

[workin hard]

Honestly, he kept his apartment clean when we first started dating. It wasn't tell a little while after we shacked up together that he became a mess.

Prolly because he knew you would pick up after him....Nip that shiat in the bud now.

 

[Tigerlily]

Good idea. Maybe I should go buy some of those pee pee targets that my brothers had to use.

Fabulous idea then you can train him and your son at the same time

 

[sockgirl77]

Fabulous idea then you can train him and your son at the same time

I can't get my son to leave the potty chair in one spot. He insists on scooting it across the floor.

 

[Tigerlily]

I don't mind doing things for "D". I do his laundry when I am at his house on the weekends and I've done his dishes and straightened things up. He tells me not to bother he'll do it when he's done being lazy but I really don't mind. He comes to my house and fixes things and mows my grass, works on my car so it's kind of a trade off. Thank god he doesn't pee on the floor but then I don't clean his bathroom.

 

[Railroad]

Mrs. RR and I did kinda live together (I was living in the basement of their house) for a few weeks before I joined the Navy. We didn't spend the night together again until she flew down to Florida and stayed over when I graduated from Boot Camp. The next time we saw each other, we were literally in the wedding ceremony.

I would say that learning each other's quirks (toilet paper, toothpaste, etc.) didn't really happen until after we were married.

Even so, if we had it to do over again, we wouldn't have done all the things before marriage that we did (and enjoyed - no, 'enjoyed' is a real understatement).

I think there are things you learn about others over a long period of time that some folks think you only learn when living together. So I don't think living together is the only answer.

The celebrities' influence on the nation's lifestyles is the very thing that makes many of us angry with them. We figure our kids have enough bad influences to begin with. There used to be a time when the "stars" felt like they had a moral duty to at least appear wholesome, even if they weren't.

 

[juggy4805]

I feel you should not get married until your thirtys. At that age you and your partner should know who you are. Should be no questions about it by then.

 

[juggy4805]

Also you should not be a virgin when you get married.

 

[Larry Gude]

Why?

Also you should not be a virgin when you get married.

Is it impossible for two young people to fall in love, marry, be each others first and not fall into the shallowness and insecurities that drive so much of male/female relationships? Is it impossible to grow together, to learn intimacy together and be...happy? Is that not desireable, however unlikely it may be?

Have we reached the point where one must also be married and divorced before one can be married and be happy?

 

[juggy4805]

Is it impossible for two young people to fall in love, marry, be each others first and not fall into the shallowness and insecurities that drive so much of male/female relationships? Is it impossible to grow together, to learn intimacy together and be...happy? Is that not desireable, however unlikely it may be?

Have we reached the point where one must also be married and divorced before one can be married and be happy?

It is definately desireable. It is the hardest thing to do.

 

[Railroad]

I just got back from helping my wife through one of the more embarassing and messy aspects of the partial loss of muscular control caused by MS. While doing that I thought about this thread. Living with her would not have shown me that someday she'd have MS. It would not have prepared me for anything significant, compared to what she and I deal with on a daily basis. She is in her mid-40s and needs my help to do almost everything.

When we were (almost) living together before we got married it was a convenient way to support a very active sex life, the sex life which newlyweds of all sorts enjoy. In view of what we know now compared to what we knew then, the only advantage to the pre-nuptial living together was the number of times we had sex.

Learning about your mate can take a lifetime. Keeping up with the changes can be breathtaking. Staying with your mate is a challenge that isn't easy to endure.

 

[Larry Gude]

Good...

It is definately desireable. It is the hardest thing to do.

...enough.

 

[Nickel]

I just got back from helping my wife through one of the more embarassing and messy aspects of the partial loss of muscular control caused by MS. While doing that I thought about this thread. Living with her would not have shown me that someday she'd have MS. It would not have prepared me for anything significant, compared to what she and I deal with on a daily basis. She is in her mid-40s and needs my help to do almost everything.

When we were (almost) living together before we got married it was a convenient way to support a very active sex life, the sex life which newlyweds of all sorts enjoy. In view of what we know now compared to what we knew then, the only advantage to the pre-nuptial living together was the number of times we had sex.

Learning about your mate can take a lifetime. Keeping up with the changes can be breathtaking. Staying with your mate is a challenge that isn't easy to endure.

 

[Wickedwrench]

Marriage makes you stick it out, especially if there are kids involved.

Not alot of the women in this county. They look at babies as a way to bring them a steady check once a month.

 

[vraiblonde]

Not alot of the women in this county. They look at babies as a way to bring them a steady check once a month.

I'm trying to think of a tactful way to say this.....

Aw, what the hell:

When you meet your beloved at the Rail and she's already got several children by several different men, and isn't shy about jumping in the sack to make you the next Bebe Daddy - what do you expect?

When you have to peel your fiancee off his ex-girlfriend in order to get him to the courthouse so you can be wed - what do you expect?

People who have low standards and poor judgement get what they deserve - each other.

:shrug:

 

[crabcake]

In these days and times when celebrity lifestyles are definiing things and influencing tomorrow's future generations. What is going to become of marriage?

SoMD what say you?

I can't believe I'm the first to say this, but who's dumb enough to let what Hollyweirds do guide their life's decisions? :shrug: If you do, you get what you ask for.

 

[bresamil]

I'm trying to think of a tactful way to say this.....

Aw, what the hell:

When you meet your beloved at the Rail and she's already got several children by several different men, and isn't shy about jumping in the sack to make you the next Bebe Daddy - what do you expect?

When you have to peel your fiancee off his ex-girlfriend in order to get him to the courthouse so you can be wed - what do you expect?

People who have low standards and poor judgement get what they deserve - each other.

:shrug:

THANK YOU!
I've been trying to explain to a friend that he had no reason to be shocked that his wife cheated on him repeatedly. They were both married when they started the affair that led to the dissolution of both marriages and then their subsequent marriage. He cheated. He chose a cheater. It's karma. It's common sense. Why expect more from her, than what he already knew her capable of doing? Personally I think he's just PO'd he didn't cheat first. They've been divorced for several years and he still isn't over her.

 

[Ms. Black Kettl]

People can do whatever they want, shack up, don’t shack up who am I to judge?

But my husband and I will be the first to tell anyone that our relationship would have NEVER survived had we just shacked up. Marriage FORCED us to work it out for each other and the children, and believe me when I say each of us could give a list of infractions that would have been plausible to wanting out.

I read threads like this and I tend to worry about those who fail to take any blame in a failed relationship, because I do feel there is blame on both sides whenever a relationship fails, and rarely, and I mean rarely, is there a circumstance where one person completely caused the devastation and is solely responsible. I’m sorry some feel shammed in their failed relationship, but you really do need to find out why you feel so victimized and ensure you are well prepared if or when you commit again, and most importantly drop the piss poor attitude. It is that attitude towards marriage and commitment in general that will be sure to cause failure at every single relationship they ever fathom getting involved in.

Have I had that attitude? Yep, no doubt, I have had that martyr attitude and so has my husband, but if we had stayed locked into that frame of mind, we would have surely been divorced by now, if we would have even bothered getting married in the 1st place.

Dearest Pandora,

I wish I could know so mucher about relationships like you. Please help.

Your bestest fan,
Ms. Black Kettle