Off to a great start...

[Larry Gude]

Ask yourself just how much you really will change for someone without resenting having to change at some point down the road.

.

Another good question.

I won't change much at all and neither will she. The thing is, how do I deal with it? How does she? In the past, I would get defensive and insecure and feel the need to be right. Vrai has a wonderful saying that goes something like this "Do you want to get bent or do you want to make a deposit?" She's found a guy who, it seems by nature, is a dude who is only interested in making deposits and has no time for getting bent. I've not yet had the pleasure of meeting Mo but, he sounds like a hell of a guy and I know Vrai well enough to know when I think she is full of #### or not and I think he's perfect for her. I actually use him as a bit of a motivator. A chick I met on my journey had a take on that and hers was "is this a hill worth dying on? If so, fine. If not, forget it. Let it go and never give it a second thought." Point being there is a LOT of stuff that may or could annoy us that is absolutely not worth the time of day in the broader scheme.

So, B and I, she said, again "You better be careful what you wish for..." and I stopper her and said "OK, let's walk through a potential conflict..." We talked through some real world issues I've had in the past and some that she had. So far, so good. There seems to be some innate deeper compatibilities as well, how we both naturally deal with some things.

 

[Larry Gude]

Personally, I think you are spending way too much time checking boxes and over thinking. You can talk yourself into or out of just about anything, if your mind is willing. And I think you've done that a time or two already in the past. I also think you're looking for the wrong woman. .

Fair enough but, what is the right woman if what I am attracted to, starting with chemistry, is wrong?

 

[2BRN2B]

You've only been out on one date and have all of this information already?!?!

I'm doing things way, way wrong.
:shrug:

 

[Larry Gude]

You've only been out on one date and have all of this information already?!?!

I'm doing things way, way wrong.
:shrug:

Some e mails, then phone and texts, one date that turned into an over nighter and then another over nighter.

Way wrong? That's the whole point of this tread; what the heck is right, let alone wrong?

 

[Radiant1]

You've only been out on one date and have all of this information already?!?!

I'm doing things way, way wrong.
:shrug:

No you're not. Imo, Larry and this woman are getting way ahead of themselves. Freight trains that run fast tend to lose steam and crash sooner than later, if you know what I mean.

 

[Larry Gude]

No you're not. Imo, Larry and this woman are getting way ahead of themselves. Freight trains that run fast tend to lose steam and crash sooner than later, if you know what I mean.

And that's why I've got this going; to get feed back, to ask questions, to think and talk it along as I'm living it.

 

[vraiblonde]

One thing to remember:

You don't know this woman. You only know what she has chosen to tell you and how she's choosing to present herself.

That she's insulting you to your face is the red flag that popped up on my radar. That's a rather bold thing to say, "I would have never looked twice at a guy like you." Not to mention, "You're probably a lousy #### anyway." If a man said that to me on our first date, there wouldn't be a second one. I'd assume he was trying to "put me in my place" and establish some sort of dominance over me, which stems from deep-seated insecurities.

That said, only you know the tone of that exchange. So if you're enjoying her and the click is there, hang on and see what happens. You can't win if you don't play.

 

[vraiblonde]

No you're not. Imo, Larry and this woman are getting way ahead of themselves. Freight trains that run fast tend to lose steam and crash sooner than later, if you know what I mean.

However "love at first sight" happens all the time. Several people on here have long marriages that started right away with no dilly dallying.

Plus that, if they lose steam and crash....so? Having fun along the way is worth something, as long as you don't alter your life or neglect to have an exit strategy. People will say, "Oh, I wasted a lot of time on that relationship," but if you had fun doing it it wasn't a waste. Not everything has to be forever. Rollercoaster rides last an average of 90 seconds, yet we still enjoy them and get on them over and over.

:shrug:

 

[2BRN2B]

No you're not. Imo, Larry and this woman are getting way ahead of themselves. Freight trains that run fast tend to lose steam and crash sooner than later, if you know what I mean.

I think he's doing something that's positive. Obviously, I don't know your situation Radiant1, but dating ####ing sucks assballs. There are so many deceptions at play in so many different situations. The people I have encountered are all making an attempt to game the system. Don't hate the playa, hate the game. It is refreshing when I encounter someone that is direct and straight forward.

What's way ahead of themselves? I've gathered Larry is older, as is she. Older people, who are serious in what they want, cut through the flotsam fast. It does sound as if they're enjoying themselves and that's what matters.

As to your "freight train" comment. Why the negativity, Debbie?

 

[2BRN2B]

One thing to remember:

You don't know this woman. You only know what she has chosen to tell you and how she's choosing to present herself.

That she's insulting you to your face is the red flag that popped up on my radar. That's a rather bold thing to say, "I would have never looked twice at a guy like you." Not to mention, "You're probably a lousy #### anyway." If a man said that to me on our first date, there wouldn't be a second one. I'd assume he was trying to "put me in my place" and establish some sort of dominance over me, which stems from deep-seated insecurities.

That said, only you know the tone of that exchange. So if you're enjoying her and the click is there, hang on and see what happens. You can't win if you don't play.

Very true words. Also remember that this is a one sided exchange described from a man's perspective. I'm sure there's a lot of summation going on from that perspective, and we truly do not get the context of the conversation.

 

[Larry Gude]

I think he's doing something that's positive. Obviously, I don't know your situation Radiant1, but dating ####ing sucks assballs. There are so many deceptions at play in so many different situations. The people I have encountered are all making an attempt to game the system. Don't hate the playa, hate the game. It is refreshing when I encounter someone that is direct and straight forward.

What's way ahead of themselves? I've gathered Larry is older, as is she. Older people, who are serious in what they want, cut through the flotsam fast. It does sound as if they're enjoying themselves and that's what matters.

As to your "freight train" comment. Why the negativity, Debbie?

Good post. I am older, pushing 100, she my junior by 7 years. We're both cutting through the 'game' so fast there isn't one. She's been saying 'this is too easy' and I asked her is she'd like me to play harder to get, if she thought she should be playing that, and she said 'no and hell no...it's just weird and exciting and scary and fun'. And it is but, I'm not scared because the chemistry I think is essential is there.

Radiant has a good point because odds are, not always but, odds are, we could be running ahead of ourselves. So, far, and again, that's why this tread, I don't think so. The dating has been fun and it's helped, a lot, cut through the noise for me and be able to let dates go where nothing much seems to be happening.

 

[Larry Gude]

Rollercoaster rides last an average of 90 seconds, yet we still enjoy them and get on them over and over.

:shrug:

Good 'un!!!

 

[Larry Gude]

Very true words. Also remember that this is a one sided exchange described from a man's perspective. I'm sure there's a lot of summation going on from that perspective, and we truly do not get the context of the conversation.

Good point. I think I'll let her read all this and see what she thinks.

 

[Larry Gude]

O

That said, only you know the tone of that exchange. .

Valid points. The tone and context we're fabulous.

 

[2BRN2B]

Good point. I think I'll let her read all this and see what she thinks.

No ####? Good luck with that!!

 

[Radiant1]

However "love at first sight" happens all the time. Several people on here have long marriages that started right away with no dilly dallying.

Plus that, if they lose steam and crash....so? Having fun along the way is worth something, as long as you don't alter your life or neglect to have an exit strategy. People will say, "Oh, I wasted a lot of time on that relationship," but if you had fun doing it it wasn't a waste. Not everything has to be forever. Rollercoaster rides last an average of 90 seconds, yet we still enjoy them and get on them over and over.

:shrug:

I think he's doing something that's positive. Obviously, I don't know your situation Radiant1, but dating ####ing sucks assballs. There are so many deceptions at play in so many different situations. The people I have encountered are all making an attempt to game the system. Don't hate the playa, hate the game. It is refreshing when I encounter someone that is direct and straight forward.

What's way ahead of themselves? I've gathered Larry is older, as is she. Older people, who are serious in what they want, cut through the flotsam fast. It does sound as if they're enjoying themselves and that's what matters.

As to your "freight train" comment. Why the negativity, Debbie?

Look people, I'm not dissing Larry of the way he's going about this, nor am I really trying to be a Debbie Downer, I'm just calling it how I see it. I'm under the impression he's looking for something solid, and since I don't think this is going to be it I'm not going to cheer him on and blow rainbows up his ass. :shrug:

Very true words. Also remember that this is a one sided exchange described from a man's perspective. I'm sure there's a lot of summation going on from that perspective, and we truly do not get the context of the conversation.

Good point. I think I'll let her read all this and see what she thinks.

Better yet, ask her to join in the convo.

 

[2BRN2B]

Look people, I'm not dissing Larry of the way he's going about this, nor am I really trying to be a Debbie Downer, I'm just calling it how I see it. I'm under the impression he's looking for something solid, and since I don't think this is going to be it I'm not going to cheer him on and blow rainbows up his ass. :shrug:

Fair enough. I'm going back to read the entire thread...

What doesn't seem solid? It appears they've had frank open discussions. Chemistry seems apparent based on Larry's comments. Two dates, two sleepovers provides a lot of face time and he's still giddy. Something is going right.

Everyone needs a little cheer and blow!

 

[Radiant1]

Everyone needs a little cheer and blow!

I have no doubt Larry is getting his share.

 

[kwillia]

Look people, I'm not dissing Larry of the way he's going about this, nor am I really trying to be a Debbie Downer, I'm just calling it how I see it. I'm under the impression he's looking for something solid, and since I don't think this is going to be it I'm not going to cheer him on and blow rainbows up his ass. :shrug:

I completely get where you are coming from. Chemistry and the "newness" excitement only buys you a couple months, typically 3 months to be exact. The lust and the excitement WILL dull down and that's when real compatibility tests come into play. Verbal agreements and ideals discussed during the thrill will be overshadowed by actual personalities and habits regardless of how bad one, the other or both want it to work. It can't be forced and it's gonna truly be a long term relationship only time will tell.

And Larry, that's why the main message from folks is to stop trying to over-analyze it or "see into the future" based on actions and words at this point. Just enjoy the NOW and let it flow. If it's going to work it will work if not you'll have enjoyed while it lasted.

 

[Larry Gude]

And Larry, that's why the main message from folks is to stop trying to over-analyze it or "see into the future" based on actions and words at this point. Just enjoy the NOW and let it flow. If it's going to work it will work if not you'll have enjoyed while it lasted.

I hear you but, this isn't over analyzing...for me.

And I am enjoying now. Work, band (we did an open mic Tuesday, but, that's another story ) the farm and now her. I feel balance.