Question for the men

[migtig]

Now I know you've got to be kidding...

No. he has a good point. So you ask your darling hubby to make up the bed. He doesn't do it quick enough for you. You get angry because you have a million and one things to do so you go around muttering under your breathe about it. Next time you ask him to make up the bed and he doesn't do it cause he still mad inside over the way you acted the last time. So now both of you are mad and upset but for different reasons.

 

[migtig]

I wouldn't have a problem with doing this every once in a while, but when it gets to be every time, it is very annoying. I have a deal w/ BF...I'll put the laundry in the washer, move it to the dryer, and then fold it all.....but I have asked him to put it away. It ends up sitting in the basket waiting to be put away for DAYS and DAYS before he actually does it. AND....I end up having to remind him several times to actually put it away. It's not that he forgets....because it's sitting right there in the living room, where we spend most of our time. He procrastinates because he is stubborn, and he doesn't want to do something that I've asked him to do. He's like a damned cat...he only wants to do something if it's HIS idea...he wants to think he did it because it was his idea, not because I asked him. So now, I just let the clothes pile up....we'll see how long this lasts. I put my own clothes away, but his stuff and the kids' clothes are sitting on the love seat in the living room. I would guess there are about 6 loads worth out there. Every morning he has to go into the living room to find clothes to wear. I can guarantee this won't last much longer...I'll probably explode and he'll say "Stop nagging me."


Ok...sorry, got into ##### mode there. But, you see my point. Every now and then I'll do one of 'his' chores...but I'm not going to do them all the time, or else he'll take advantage of that. :shrug:

Then talk to him about it before you explode. :shrug:

 

[BS Gal]

I've noticed that Desertrat is missing from this thread. I must be perfect.

 

[The_King]

Ummmmm... sign yourself in next time.

TYVM.

P.S. Now would be the time to think about that 2nd computer.

I'd like to add 2 things to my complaint list.

1.She's always wanting to spend unnecessary money.

2. She #####es about sharing "her" computer.

 

[Tonio]

I have a deal w/ BF...I'll put the laundry in the washer, move it to the dryer, and then fold it all.....but I have asked him to put it away. It ends up sitting in the basket waiting to be put away for DAYS and DAYS before he actually does it. AND....I end up having to remind him several times to actually put it away. It's not that he forgets....because it's sitting right there in the living room, where we spend most of our time. He procrastinates because he is stubborn, and he doesn't want to do something that I've asked him to do. He's like a damned cat...he only wants to do something if it's HIS idea...he wants to think he did it because it was his idea, not because I asked him.

That's my point - when it happens over and over, there is something else going on emotionally. It may be not necessarily stubbornness. It may be a passive-aggressive way of asserting independence. Again, not when it happens once in a while, but when it happens all the time.

 

[kwillia]

Then talk to him about it before you explode. :shrug:

It sounds like she already has...:shrug: My advice to Cowgirl would be to re-evaluate her role in all of this. She already knows she can MAKE him do something he has no intention on doing so it's wasted energy to keep trying to force it. If it were me, I would simply shift the chores a bit. I would take on responsiblity of washing, drying, folding and putting away the clothes for me and the kids... he would be responsible for washing, drying, folding and putting away his own clothes. Easy peasy.

 

[pixiegirl]

Now I know you've got to be kidding...

B admitted to this! Of course after the split....

 

[kwillia]

B admitted to this! Of course after the split....

IMO, if this is really happening in a relationship, it's involving bigger issues than just the petty stuff that gets bantered about in biatch sessions and that would be another thread.

 

[nachomama]

That's my point - when it happens over and over, there is something else going on emotionally. It may be not necessarily stubbornness. It may be a passive-aggressive way of asserting independence. Again, not when it happens once in a while, but when it happens all the time.

Or it could just be that they are lazy, deaf...or retarded. :shrug:

My ex was spoiled rotten by his mom. If she asked him to do something, even as an adult, if he didn't want to do it, he wouldn't. It used to pizz me off when she'd ask him to do something and he'd blow her off; I'd end up doing it or trying to do it, if it were a major task. She'd never say anything to him, because she CREATED the problem. I finally snapped one day and said to myself, if I'm going to do all this crap by myself, then I'm going to do it BY MYSELF.

 

[Pete]

Because, in my past experience, when a problem has been addressed, the other person either immediately goes into total denial or the defense mechanism kicks in. Sometimes it's better to just vent and get it out of your system. If the problem is bad enough, it will persist. Then you address it, after you've applied the appropriate protective padding or stocked up on tissues.

A pebble in your shoe while irritating, is better than a boulder on your foot.

 

[Agee]

I've always been around men who do and don't gripe/complain/moan, et al. My experience when listening to the ones that actually do, is the fact that there is normally some underlying trouble in the relationship. The complaining is usually about things that most people would consider small stuff, but is in fact deep displeasure with their relationship.

I try not to get caught-up in somebody elses dramma unless I can truly offer some constructive advice. I feel some people feed off others tales of dispair and in fact some encourage it.

Typical rants/complaints in no particular order:

-She spends money like its going out of style.
-Her shopping trips, beauty appointmnets are more important than helping raising our kids.
-She consults with her mother or her family on important issues before consulting with me.
-She's a slob
-She's letting herself go
-How could she not know the car was low on oil, gas,coolant, brake fluid, etc.
-She will be late to her own funeral
-If she buys one more pair of shoes
-She knows doing XYZ is going to cause a problem but she does it anyway.
-All she does is talk on the phone
- She could care less how much the electric bill is.

:blah: :blah: blah:

 

[Cowgirl]

It sounds like she already has...:shrug: My advice to Cowgirl would be to re-evaluate her role in all of this. She already knows she can MAKE him do something he has no intention on doing so it's wasted energy to keep trying to force it. If it were me, I would simply shift the chores a bit. I would take on responsiblity of washing, drying, folding and putting away the clothes for me and the kids... he would be responsible for washing, drying, folding and putting away his own clothes. Easy peasy.

Yes, I've talked to him about it. I brought up re-assigning chores...but he shrugged it off. I might tell him I am only responsible for my laundry now...and he can do his and his kids'. He doesn't realize he has it easy now.

 

[vraiblonde]

It ends up sitting in the basket waiting to be put away for DAYS and DAYS before he actually does it. AND....I end up having to remind him several times to actually put it away.

See, and I would never "remind" Larry more than once about stuff like that. I used to go crazy over that sort of thing, but now that laundry can sit there for the rest of its life for all I care. I'd hand the kids their laundry and make them put it away, and Larry can get dressed in the living room every day.

 

[kwillia]

Yes, I've talked to him about it. I brought up re-assigning chores...but he shrugged it off. I might tell him I am only responsible for my laundry now...and he can do his and his kids'. He doesn't realize he has it easy now.

You can only control the things that have impact over you. If he decides not to do his own laundry, who does that impact? Most likely only him. However, if he decides not to do the kid's laundry, who does it impact? If you are the one getting them dressed in the morning, than you can't shrug it off. That's why I suggested you include their clothes as your responsiblity.

 

[BS Gal]

I am so fortunate. I have nothing to complain about.

 

[nachomama]

I am so fortunate. I have nothing to complain about.

Me too.

 

[vraiblonde]

Cowgirl, you should get a cat. That's what broke our teenage laundress from leaving folded clothes on the living room floor.

"ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! The cat peed on my brand new jeans!!! "
"He did? How did the cat get in your dresser drawers? "

 

[mAlice]

I am so fortunate. I have nothing to complain about.

How awesome is that?

 

[Wenchy]

It sounds like she already has...:shrug: My advice to Cowgirl would be to re-evaluate her role in all of this. She already knows she can MAKE him do something he has no intention on doing so it's wasted energy to keep trying to force it. If it were me, I would simply shift the chores a bit. I would take on responsiblity of washing, drying, folding and putting away the clothes for me and the kids... he would be responsible for washing, drying, folding and putting away his own clothes. Easy peasy.

My only issue with laundry is when it's put into the hamper inside out. I wash it, fold it, and they put it away the same way it was deposited in the hamper. The boys don't seem to care, so I don't either. A non-issue.

If they didn't put it away then I would place the clean clothes on their beds, or in the shower until they learn to put it away. They are grateful for the clean clothes...albeit half are inside out.

 

[BS Gal]

Me too.

1bdz has asked me to leave her my hubby in my will.