Shared Physical Custody

[Pete]

Mine went through a period last fall (right after he came home for the summer) when she wanted to call everynight to tell him "good night". I thought it was a little stupid but I didn't stop it. It lasted about a week and a half then it was back to once every week or two. I don't care if she calls. :shrug:

 

[Nickel]

Look, I could've taken him to court and fought for sole custody but I didn't because the children deserve to have a relationship with their father. Unfortunately for me, on the days that I am trying to nurture my relationship with them, he calls. The fact that you don't see a problem with that astounds me. He's insecure and immature and tries to turn my quality time with my children into being all about him. If they aren't asking to talk to him, why can't I enjoy my time without the constant reminder that he is their father? Is that really too much to ask?

What are you going to do when they graduate high school, get married, have kids? He is in your life for the rest of their lives. Somebody has to grow up and be the bigger person in this situation.

 

[RoseRed]

Look, I could've taken him to court and fought for sole custody but I didn't because the children deserve to have a relationship with their father. Unfortunately for me, on the days that I am trying to nurture my relationship with them, he calls. The fact that you don't see a problem with that astounds me. He's insecure and immature and tries to turn my quality time with my children into being all about him. If they aren't asking to talk to him, why can't I enjoy my time without the constant reminder that he is their father? Is that really too much to ask?

My ex and I have joint custody of our daughter, but I have primary physical custody. They call and talk to eachother all the time and I have NO problem with that whatsoever. He comes to my house and we even share a meal all together once in a while. I would never dream of not letting her talk to her father.

Bottom line is, the children come first, no matter your feelings about your ex. Grow up.

 

[Pete]

Look, I could've taken him to court and fought for sole custody but I didn't because the children deserve to have a relationship with their father. Unfortunately for me, on the days that I am trying to nurture my relationship with them, he calls. The fact that you don't see a problem with that astounds me. He's insecure and immature and tries to turn my quality time with my children into being all about him. If they aren't asking to talk to him, why can't I enjoy my time without the constant reminder that he is their father? Is that really too much to ask?

Just looking at them is not reminder enough that he is their father?

 

[Chasey_Lane]

Unfortunately for me, on the days that I am trying to nurture my relationship with them, he calls.

No, FORTUNATELY for you, he has an active role in their lives. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with a parent calling their child(ren). When my ex has my daughter, I call every evening to ask how her day was and to tell her that mommy loves her and misses her. I adore my daughter and want her to know I'm thinking about her even when she's not with me.

When she's older (she's only 8 now) she will hopefully look back and reflect on the little things I did for her that shows just how much I care.

 

[kwillia]

What are you going to do when they graduate high school, get married, have kids? He is in your life for the rest of their lives. Somebody has to grow up and be the bigger person in this situation.

Exactly. If you don't learn how to deal with it now, you are going to be the family that causes drama and any and all events... there will be issue at your child's wedding, there will be issue at the birth of your grandchild, there will be issue at birthday parties, there will be issue at funerals... etc.

 

[onebdzee]

Look, I could've taken him to court and fought for sole custody but I didn't because the children deserve to have a relationship with their father. Unfortunately for me, on the days that I am trying to nurture my relationship with them, he calls. The fact that you don't see a problem with that astounds me. He's insecure and immature and tries to turn my quality time with my children into being all about him. If they aren't asking to talk to him, why can't I enjoy my time without the constant reminder that he is their father? Is that really too much to ask?

If you wanted you're children to have a relationship with their father and that's the reason that you didn't "fight for sole custody"....then why do you have such an issue with him calling them on a daily basis?....It has nothing to do with you nurturing your children....It's them having a relationship with their father....Isn't that what you wanted?

Your children are a constant reminder that he IS their father....and it will never change...You need to get over your issues with him and move on and he needs to get over his issues with you...In the long run it will make BOTH of you better parents

 

[sushisamba]

I didn't say that I NEVER answer the phone when he calls, just not EVERY time. It's annoying when we're out to dinner, shopping, doing homework, etc. My whole point in this is that the times when I don't answer his calls, I get questioned the next time I answer about "Didn't you see that I called?", "Why didn't you answer the phone when I called." And I'm the childish one? Geez! I don't know what I'm missing but no ex has the right to ask those questions.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

I don't know what I'm missing but no ex has the right to ask those questions.

If they're calling to speak to their children they do.

 

[MMDad]

When I lived with my Mom, she tried to encourage me to talk to my Dad. When I lived with my Dad, we were only allowed to talk to Mom on holidays, and then only if my Dad was on the other line listening in. We ended up calling Mom collect from a payphone at school, plotting our escape from Dad's house. I have not forgiven my father for that, and other things he pulled. Do you really want to be the bad guy in your kid's eyes?

 

[Tigerlily]

Talking to brick wall

 

[kwillia]

I get questioned the next time I answer about "Didn't you see that I called?", "Why didn't you answer the phone when I called." And I'm the childish one? Geez! I don't know what I'm missing but no ex has the right to ask those questions.

That's a completely different issue. If you are consistent in nipping that line of questioning in the bud, it will stop. Don't argue with him about whether or not he is "allowed" to even ask. Just don't acknowledge his line of questioning and just hand the phone to the kids.

 

[RoseRed]

I didn't say that I NEVER answer the phone when he calls, just not EVERY time. It's annoying when we're out to dinner, shopping, doing homework, etc. My whole point in this is that the times when I don't answer his calls, I get questioned the next time I answer about "Didn't you see that I called?", "Why didn't you answer the phone when I called." And I'm the childish one? Geez! I don't know what I'm missing but no ex has the right to ask those questions.

So, are you also saying that when you do not answer his calls because it isn't convenient for YOU, you don't let the kids call him back when the timing is better?

How old are you and your kids?

 

[MysticalMom]

Talking to brick wall

Yep. I give up.

 

[Pete]

I didn't say that I NEVER answer the phone when he calls, just not EVERY time. It's annoying when we're out to dinner, shopping, doing homework, etc. My whole point in this is that the times when I don't answer his calls, I get questioned the next time I answer about "Didn't you see that I called?", "Why didn't you answer the phone when I called." And I'm the childish one? Geez! I don't know what I'm missing but no ex has the right to ask those questions.

You are right, you don't have to tell him what you are doing every minute. Have you tried talking to him calmly about it? Set up a time to call? I can see where it is a PITA, but I also see you glancing at the phone and seeing him on caller ID and hitting silence and not calling him back is outwardly contemptuous.

As far as your statement about "sole" custody, do you mean Primary physical custody where you share decisions 50/50 but you have them the majority of the time and he gets weekends, or "sole" as in you have 100% veto/decision making power and he gets visitation IF you allow it?

 

[onebdzee]

"Didn't you see that I called?"

*sweetestvoiceever* Yes (insert name here) I did see that you called.

"Why didn't you answer the phone when I called."

*samesweetvoice* We were (eating dinner, doing homework, etc) and it wasn't a good time to answer the phone. Do you think that we could come up with a time that is convient for you and the kids to talk everyday?





Then hand the phone to your kids....you don't have to give him any personal information about you, just your kids

 

[DoWhat]

Not at all. Quite frankly, I'd prefer it if I never had to see or hear his voice again.

He divorced you, didn't he?

 

[RoseRed]

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

 

[Dougstermd]

Because my ex calls on the nights the children are with me and if I don't answer, he questions me the next time we do speak and asks did I see him call and why didn't I answer. The reality of divorce when children are involved is that you give up 24/7 access to them. He has his days with them, I have mine and I don't like mine interrupted by him.

I don't even feel like reading all these post. But that is a Fcuked up way to think. He's trying to be involved with his children and they probally enjoy talking with him. Do you want him to be a father or just an income supplement

 

[aps45819]

Get an answering machine and tell him to call your home phone. They can hear his voice and call him back. I can understand not wanting to interrupt some activity if you're out and about.