Something bugging me!!

[SeaRide]

Kimmy,

You said your son has learning disability(LD). If that is the case, then FORGET about what every normal 7 yrs old son is supposed to be like PERIOD. Some kids with LD may act their age but I have known many kids with LD that does not act their age at all. Kids with LD may need to be instructed at least three or ten times on a very simple chore or a simple rule to follow. It gets my blood boiling that people thinks all kids with LD are exactly the same. There are many types of LD, don't you know that? There are severe LD, slow LD, mild LD, and many more.
It takes lot of patience to raise a kid with LD. You can not have your husband treat your son like any normal 7 yrs kid. You got to remember that kid with LD might have responsibility at a maturity level as a 3 or 4 year old kid. I used to have a housemate with mild LD or slow LD who doesn't act his age at all. His temper is so bad that you have to tiptoe around him. He would talk alot and repeat a simple subject three or four times in different ways.

Again like I said before, if your son has some kind of LD, you as a mother should find out how to raise a kid with LD. Join the support group. Learn everything there is about kid with LD.

I can guarrantee that you can raise a beautiful son in the long run.

 

[vraiblonde]

He has a list of chore's that is expected of him everyday and he does them.

Well, apparently he doesn't or your husband wouldn't have to get on him about the coat, school work, manners, etc.

You and your husband are doing the EXACT same thing Larry and I did when we were first married and combining children. You're letting your kids pit you against each other. The husband says, "Kid, get and do!" and you step in and say, "You're being too mean!" Then the kid, taking his cue from you, says, "Yeah, you're being too mean."

I'm more of a taskmaster than Larry is but we BOTH had to learn to step aside and when the kid came running to us saying the other was mean, tell them, "Well, do what you're supposed to do and you won't get in trouble." Because that, frankly, is what it boils down to.

Originally posted by blueeyes76
Remember, your job, as well as your husband's, is to try to make him grow to be a responsible adult.

This bears repeating over and over until parents get it. Blueeyes!

 

[Kimmy]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
Kimmy don't get pissed at this but I'm going to go all out and say what I think. This sound too much like the relationship I had with my ex husband not to chime in.

First it sounds like you're having a control issue/power struggle with your husband probably fueled by the crappy way he use to treat you and your son. You said that he use to leave for days then come back like nothing was wrong. Apparently you couldn't stop him and I think you're probably harboring some resentment and are trying to compensate by running the show now.



Maybe it is a control issue with me. I don't know. All that I know is that when I would step in and try to help out with correcting him my H would get mad. So I don't step in anymore just when I can't stand them two arguing anymore. Now if I don't step in I get, "I can't put up with him anymore take care of him." And know this does not happen all the time just once in awhile. I can't win or loss. I have gotten over what happened in the beginning of the marriage. I have forgave him and moved on. But there is still the fear of him leaving again even tho he has promised me that he would not do it again. But I heard that before and he broke the promise.

 

[SeaRide]

Oh God Pixie, you said it beautifully... do you have a twin sister?
j/k
: : :

 

[Kimmy]

Like I said before when my son and husband have there disagreement and it comes to the point when I need to step in I take my husband's side and he goes on and does what he was told to do. Later on after he has gone to bed I talk to my husband about what happened and try help him with handling it.

 

[pixiegirl]

Ahhhh broken promises..... You might be somewhat over what he's done to you but you're not completely over it. If you were you wouldn't be worried about broken promises or have even brought up what he's done in the past. It really has nothing to do with the child rearing.

If you want the marriage/family to work and not suffer get counseling is my best suggestion. I have a feeling that there are some respect issues as well when it comes to you and your husband. There are obvios trust/security issues. If you don't have a succesful marriage and are truly a team you can't expect to be effective parents together. This is why I left my husband. I know that I couldn't get over the way that he treated me and I didn't want to see my son affected by an unhappy marriage. Since leaving my husband I have noticed that since I'm happy I'm a much better parent.

 

[pixiegirl]

Originally posted by SeaRide

Oh God Pixie, you said it beautifully... do you have a twin sister?
j/k
: : :

I'm not good enough????

 

[SeaRide]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
I'm not good enough????

Please tell me that you don't have a twin sister so I can say Hello Pixie!!
(you are too good to be true! I must be dreaming!)

 

[Kimmy]

Originally posted by Kimmy
Let me use an example of what happened last night. D was sitting at the table he was up to the table as far as he could go. He got a couple of noodles on his shirt and the H got so upset that he took the chair and pushed it up more. He was up as close as he could get and he pushed him up even more so that it put pressure on his stomach. He had to push himself out some because it hurt. He had his head over his plate as far as it could go. We have a booster chair but he is to big for it. He is a weird height right now so when he sits down he butt is not able to touch the back so he can sit up straight. Where is legs bend is causing him not to be able to sit up straight. He would have to sit with his legs straight out to sit up stragiht.

Did anyone read this?
Is this alright to do?
It happens all the time at dinner.
And just like Sea Ride said he has a LD and he is not your normal 7 year old. His rare eye disease held him back. Lets just put it this way he is in 2nd grade and at a beginning/middle first grade level. His rare eye disease has to do with his brain not being mature enough and he is far sided and near sided. There is nothing that they can do. It is up to his brain to mature to be able to see.

 

[SeaRide]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
I have a feeling that there are some respect issues as well when it comes to you and your husband. There are obvios trust/security issues. If you don't have a succesful marriage and are truly a team you can't expect to be effective parents together. This is why I left my husband.

I left my wife for that reason too. I took my kids with me and raise them solely on my own ever since my baby girl was 11 months old. I still don't trust my ex-wife in a lot of ways.

 

[Old Dog]

Originally posted by Kimmy
Like I said before when my son and husband have there disagreement and it comes to the point when I need to step in I take my husband's side and he goes on and does what he was told to do.

But now there have been two things... the thing your husband wanted your son to do originally... and the fact that your son was backtalking or whatever... that last part needs to be dealt with.

For instance, say your son leaves his coat on the floor.

Your DH tells him to pick it up and put it away.

Your son doesn't put the coat away.

Your son then does whatever it is he does that isn't putting the coat away... perhaps saying "In a minute... " or "I was just about to..." or "I was gonna after I got myself a snack". Whatever it is.

And I'm guessing that's where your husband starts losing it.

Your son eventually puts his coat away when you step in. But what is the consequence to your son of backtalking? There has to be one.

Or give your husband a reasonable consequence to invoke as soon as the kid starts backtalking, reasonable here being defined as agreeable to both you and your husband.

Cause if you don't have to put up with backtalk, your husband shouldn't either.

And whereas you've gradually taught your son to not backtalk you, the lesson needs to take far less time as it applies to your husband. Plus it matters a whole lot more to your son when you're mad at him than it does when your husband is mad at him... you already have an advantage over your husband in that way when it comes to you telling your kid what to do.

Take care,
Melody

 

[pixiegirl]

Originally posted by SeaRide
Please tell me that you don't have a twin sister so I can say Hello Pixie!!
(you are too good to be true! I must be dreaming!)

There's only one of me!

 

[blueeyes76]

Did anyone read this?
Is this alright to do?

Are you trying to say he abuses your son?

If so, there's a much bigger problem there than your first post indicated.

 

[yakky doodle]

I understand your son has a learning disability Kimmy, but (and don't take this wrong) do you think that making excuses (such as where the bend in his legs is and whether it allows him to sit upright at the table) is a good thing or a bad thing for your son? Secondly, how long do you plan to do that for him (make excuses).

I would guess the reason the food's not hitting his mouth is because of his vision problem (hand-eye coordination) and not where/how his legs bend. JMHO.

Not being sarcastic here, but does he have his glasses on when he's eating?

 

[SeaRide]

Originally posted by Kimmy
Did anyone read this?
Is this alright to do?
It happens all the time at dinner.
And just like Sea Ride said he has a LD and he is not your normal 7 year old. His rare eye disease held him back. Lets just put it this way he is in 2nd grade and at a beginning/middle first grade level. His rare eye disease has to do with his brain not being mature enough and he is far sided and near sided. There is nothing that they can do. It is up to his brain to mature to be able to see.

I SAW that!! I don't mean to sound mean or anything but it makes me sick to see that you are asking about your son struggling to sit up straight. I say let your son learn how to sit up straight when he's a little bigger. I am telling you it's hard for me to sit up straight with the table top at your chin level trying to eat food. Why dont you sit up straight on the floor and try to eat food off the table so you can better idea what's it like?? Geesh..

 

[Kizzy]

This all started because he got food on his shirt.

This is an everyday thing for me.

Now the way he pushed the chair all the way up to the table does seem a bit extreme. I would tell the H how you feel, just be careful not to do it in front of the little man.

 

[SeaRide]

Originally posted by Kimmy
His rare eye disease held him back. Lets just put it this way he is in 2nd grade and at a beginning/middle first grade level. His rare eye disease has to do with his brain not being mature enough and he is far sided and near sided. There is nothing that they can do. It is up to his brain to mature to be able to see.

What do you know about his brain? How well does his brain process information using sights and hearing? Just like any 1st grade kids or little bit slower or needs more time or what?

 

[SeaRide]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
There's only one of me!

Helloooo!!

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Kimmy
Did anyone read this?

I did and two things come to mind:

Either it wasn't all that and it just seemed that way because your the Mom OR the husband has hostilities with the kid, caused by the friction, and is losing his temper. Kimmy, you can't really blame the guy for resenting the child. No, it's not mature behavior but we're all still human at the end of the day and not robots.

I've had kids of all shapes and sizes so I'm not buying that "he's at a weird size" and can't sit up to the table properly and eat without getting crap on his shirt. You're also making the excuse that you expect less of him because of his LD and his rare eye disease. I'm not buying that, either. Why not make him rise to the challenge and learn to overcome obstacles instead of giving him excuses not to achieve?

However, like Blue said, if you truly think there is physical abuse going on, you need to get your kids out of that situation.

 

[Kimmy]

Come on now there is know need to get in an uproar over a couple of noodles on his shirt. There is know need to push him up to the table anymore when he is already as far as he can go.
NO there is NO abuse. He just lets his anger get the better part of him sometimes. Someone had posted earlier about my son being my best friend and why I would want that. I want him to know that he can come to me and talk to me about anything. (I didn't have this when I grew up. Something were left in the cloest) I want him to be able to and know that I am not going to bite his head off for asking nor assume that he is up to know good.