I have to agree with V, every excuse why they can't leave, I wuv him, don't press charges against him. I will never respect any man that has to hit a lady. I also don't think everyone is not that close to their neighbors like it was years ago, many of us keep to ourselves these days, because their is just too much sheit going on. Embarrisment is a factor too, everyone wants people to believe they are living the American dream, good husband/wife, nice car, home and kids; mentality issue amongst many others issues which could be talked about for days.
Spousal abuse
- Thread starter TurboK9
- Start date
I have to agree with V, every excuse why they can't leave, I wuv him, don't press charges against him. I will never respect any man that has to hit a lady. I also don't think everyone is not that close to their neighbors like it was years ago, many of us keep to ourselves these days, because their is just too much sheit going on. Embarrisment is a factor too, everyone wants people to believe they are living the American dream, good husband/wife, nice car, home and kids; mentality issue amongst many others issues which could be talked about for days.
ArkRescue
Adopt me please !
It's true - it's a CHOICE. The woman makes a choice. If they want to be smart and be able to prosecute the guy, they need to seek the help/advice of others as to how to document the abuse. If they just want to get away, then that can be arranged also. They will get away when they DECIDE to get away. Sounds too simple to be true, but it's true.
Yes there are a boatload of mitigating circumstances to each case, but in the simplest version you choose to leave or don't. Sometimes choosing to leave causes the guy to attack. I think many times the fear of being attacked/killed keeps women in abusive homes. But, they are still making a CHOICE. It sounds harsh but it's true.
Yes there are a boatload of mitigating circumstances to each case, but in the simplest version you choose to leave or don't. Sometimes choosing to leave causes the guy to attack. I think many times the fear of being attacked/killed keeps women in abusive homes. But, they are still making a CHOICE. It sounds harsh but it's true.
libertytyranny
Dream Stealer
I was resisting chiming in too much...because I didn't wanna get flamed..but since you are braver than I...
I agree. I have known a gf or two who had abusive bfs..and frankly the abusers look for low self esteem women. the couple I have known thought they were "lucky" to have him because he was so good looking, or nice when he wasn't being abusive. They had places to go...they didn't. If no where else a firestation, police station, or hospital will help you. People who stay "for the kids" are using them as an excuse. Women who don't leave don't do so because it isn't easy or comfortable. Best thing to do is to raise your daughter to not be dependent on any man and to be a hell raising ##### so no one will screw with her.
ArkRescue
Adopt me please !
Wow Lance you sure seem to have a lot of knowledge about the marriage stuff. How many times have you been married? Got any kids? I just wonder if you've had any turmoil in your personal life that has been as dramatic as some of what these women have been through? I mean getting beat up and all.
People who have not been through it personally really are not qualified to speak on the topic unless they have had extensive training from an outreach or LE aspect. Just wondering if you were the one who abused someone, or were you the one that was abused?
People who have not been through it personally really are not qualified to speak on the topic unless they have had extensive training from an outreach or LE aspect. Just wondering if you were the one who abused someone, or were you the one that was abused?
1-2 hundred bux will get ya outta Md. & some states only require 6 mos residency. then u married miserable ppl, can file, let yr whateva 2 b X, appear where u filed. payback...... if u can go online u def have 100-200 bux.
Co-Dependency - look it up dummies whether married or not.
any excuse to stay in a scrued ^ relationship is what it is - aka An Excuse..Period. (children, financial insecurity, etc...)i c a lot of it in this website 2 include the drama crap. Y me bs......etc. dial 1-800-whocares
Sumtimes just cut yr losses & get the heck outta Md`s archaic bs, or w/e state yr displeased with. if sum1 can`t comprehend that, then oh well, enjoy yr misery.
There is Life out There, unless u neva been anywhere else...get outta the pity party box & Wake ^.
Y`all sound like worse than w/e any soap operas 4 damn sure. a t total Reality Flop. neva make it past the 1st cut.
sayin goees - Pay Now or Pay Later. 1 way or the otha
R
retiredweaxman
Guest
Sorry ARKY - I agree with most of your post but the end.
Sometimes they fear leaving because it MIGHT cause a guy to attack? They KNOW they are going to be attacked if they stay home. So, what is better for the woman...leaving and she MIGHT be attacked or staying at home and KNOW she will be attacked...and fearing every day because today might be the day of that attack?
I still stick with my original thought (which has been backed up by VRAI and LIBERTY - thanks you 2 - but be prepared to be flamed)...it is always best to get out of an abusive relationship. It does not matter the cost or the hardship - people can recover even though it is a hard road. It is impossible to recover from being beaten literally to death.
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
We're all wired differently and that's the reason some people will stay in abusive relationships and why some of us will never understand people that do, why some of us feel empathy towards the abused and some of us don't. Physical abuse really isn't all that different than any other dysfunctional relationship, mental abuse, alcoholism, drug use, etc. I stayed with one man for years that never had anything nice to say or lifted a finger around the house yet left one the second he laid a hand on me. Was one situation worse than the other? Depends on who you ask. Obviously I was more tolerant of one. My grandmother was married to my grandfather for over 30 years, from what I've heard he was very abusive. She divorced him only to remarry a man who was even more abusive. Why? Because we can all justify whatever we want in out own heads and we can all also look at another's situation more objectively than they can.
MMDad
Lem Putt
Of course not. It hurt my eyes just to see the big blob of spew.
I was resisting chiming in too much...because I didn't wanna get flamed..but since you are braver than I...
Best thing to do is to raise your daughter to not be dependent on any man and to be a hell raising ##### so no one will screw with her.
Well everything you said was good except the last sentence, everyones daughter will get screwed
I think it's this. ^ People don't like to admit they made a mistake, so they suck it up and pretend everything is fine.
I understand that but what I *don't* understand is how family members can look the other way. I've seen that a time or two as well - girl goes to her parents and they either ignore it or blame her. Some SOB puts his hands on one of my girls, he better pray to God I never find out about it. And she would simply not be allowed to take him back, the end.
ArkRescue
Adopt me please !
Maybe I should have said attack again with greater force? Just meant that the leaving could spark a retaliation attack ..... as opposed to them being attacked at the next unknown time in the future if they stayed. Oh sheesh that sounded confusing didn't it?
Wouldn't be the first time
Anyone who's lived in this area for a long time, remember that girl down in the Flattops who was beaten to death by her "boyfriend" while his family members basically sat back and watched? He beat her repeatedly over the course of a couple of days, until the woman finally died. This was probably 20 years or so ago.
My former fiancee actually responded to a few domestic calls from her, prior to her death. She was offered every opportunity to get out, and kept going back to this guy. We can see how that turned out.
Well you can't control her actions, she can sneak back to him. But I feel the same way, if I even think a man is thinking of putting his hands on my daughter all hell is going to break lose and I will make sure there no evidence I did it ha ha. For your own blood to turn there back on is effed up too. Why do family members turn their backs? Because they don't want too take sides, she married him so legally he is family now, sorry blood is thicker any day in my book.
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Wouldn't be the first time
Anyone who's lived in this area for a long time, remember that girl down in the Flattops who was beaten to death by her "boyfriend" while his family members basically sat back and watched? He beat her repeatedly over the course of a couple of days, until the woman finally died. This was probably 20 years or so ago.
My former fiancee actually responded to a few domestic calls from her, prior to her death. She was offered every opportunity to get out, and kept going back to this guy. We can see how that turned out.
Sometimes the Dieck is that good I guess, sex can mess your mind of too.
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
Sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes. I work with a lady that I like a great deal who is in a very abusive relationship with a small child that gets to witness it. You can only offer your advice and help so much before you have to accept that it's not your choice.
Why don't you get somebody to f him up? Better yet you sneak behind him one day and bust him in the head with something he will never no who did it ssshhhhhhh, carve in his car paint, this man is a women beater
These bastards like to hide and have people think they are the pillars of the community.
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pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
Because I'm not making the foolish choice and I'm not going to risk putting myself or my own family in harms way for her poor choices.
Does she tell you why she won't leave him?
MMDad
Lem Putt
It's just like alcoholism, drug abuse, or smoking. It's easy, just don't drink, use, or smoke, right?
Yet you know it's not that easy. You know alcoholics who know that their drinking will kill them, that try to stop, but they just keep going back. You know people who tried to quit smoking, tried hypnotism, gum, patches, and meds, yet still smoke.
As for the family members, it eventually gets to a point where you realize that you cannot save them if they don't want to be saved. 25 years ago I took emergency leave from the Navy, drove 800 miles from San Diego to the CA/OR border and back to rescue my mom from an abusive drug addicted husband. I went on a six month deployment to the Arabian Gulf, and when I got home there she was on the pier with her husband.
Later I flew from MD to San Diego to rescue her again - she moved herself back a month later. Then I helped her move out here to get away, and she packed up after a few weeks and drove back. The next time I said no. I told her I would not help her unless she could show me that the abuser had been charged. She wasn't willing to do that to him, he's a nice guy, yada yada, so I had no choice but to say no. I'm not going to let her ruin my life.
You must realize that as soon as you insert the human factor into the situation it is no longer as simple as "just leave" or "don't let him hit you" or "I wouldn't let her get back with him."
All we can do is have resources available for those willing to get the help they need. It would be great if the cops could do more, but they constantly see women get abused, get protective orders, press charges, then reconcile and refuse to testify. How are they supposed to know that this time she's serious?
ArkRescue
Adopt me please !
I think kids should be removed from abusive homes. If some dumb woman wants to stay and get smacked around, go for it. But to subject a child to that is bull####. Even if he never lays a hand on the kid, it's still traumatizing to listen to Daddy beat the chit out of Mommy.