Spousal abuse

Wenchy

Hot Flash
Wenchy, You are not going to get through to anyone on here. It is more complicated then they can imagine. In their minds it is cut and dry, he hits you, you leave. It is just not that simple for most people. That is why a few posts back I suggested to fed up to do some research on the subject. I myself never understood it until I went through it. A club I wish I didn't belong to. The dues are too high.
It is like all abusers "went to different schools together".:buddies:


I got everything out for the time being. A beer is good. Thanks. :cheers: and :huggy:
 
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retiredweaxman

Guest
Wenchy, You are not going to get through to anyone on here. It is more complicated then they can imagine. In their minds it is cut and dry, he hits you, you leave. It is just not that simple for most people. That is why a few posts back I suggested to fed up to do some research on the subject. I myself never understood it until I went through it. A club I wish I didn't belong to. The dues are too high.
It is like all abusers "went to different schools together".:buddies:

ROBERTA - you and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this subject. If I were to ever hit my wife in anger, I would expect her to do one of three things:

1. Leave
2. Hit me back
3. Do her "Lorena Bobbitt" impersonation

No matter how beaten or abused a woman may be, she has got to have at least the littlest shred of self-dignity inside her body not to put up with it - no matter the situation. People may say, "I was beaten down enough to lose all self-worth" or "he controlled me so I could not do anything," or whatever. However, if a woman knows the abuse is wrong, then she has self-worth and self-dignity and should leave the abuser.

Note: this also applies to guys being abused at home as well.
 
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retiredweaxman

Guest
So, a woman who does none of the three must deserve it?

???????

Not sure what to make of your post...I posted what I would expect my wife to do to me if I were to ever strike her...I have no idea how you came up with, "she deserves it" from my post...
 

ArkRescue

Adopt me please !
Some people don't want to be middle-aged and have a boat-load of debt and no place to call home that they own (or almost own) - sometimes they trade the security of a bad home as being better than no home at all?

It's all about choices, and most often the woman ends up with little to nothing by abandoning the "sometimes bad" relationship.

Just how many years will others want to help support her? Or is it just until she meets someone one else to try out as a life-partner? Kinda hard to live in this area on one 1 income. What kind of future does she have alone?

Just things to consider.

ROBERTA - you and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this subject. If I were to ever hit my wife in anger, I would expect her to do one of three things:

1. Leave
2. Hit me back
3. Do her "Lorena Bobbitt" impersonation

No matter how beaten or abused a woman may be, she has got to have at least the littlest shred of self-dignity inside her body not to put up with it - no matter the situation. People may say, "I was beaten down enough to lose all self-worth" or "he controlled me so I could not do anything," or whatever. However, if a woman knows the abuse is wrong, then she has self-worth and self-dignity and should leave the abuser.

Note: this also applies to guys being abused at home as well.
 

Roberta

OLD WISE ONE
ROBERTA - you and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this subject. If I were to ever hit my wife in anger, I would expect her to do one of three things:

1. Leave
2. Hit me back
3. Do her "Lorena Bobbitt" impersonation

No matter how beaten or abused a woman may be, she has got to have at least the littlest shred of self-dignity inside her body not to put up with it - no matter the situation. People may say, "I was beaten down enough to lose all self-worth" or "he controlled me so I could not do anything," or whatever. However, if a woman knows the abuse is wrong, then she has self-worth and self-dignity and should leave the abuser.

Note: this also applies to guys being abused at home as well.

That is why I said "PEOPLE" apposed to women.

You seem to be headed on the right track to understanding. If you really care you should read up on the subject. Then you will understand this part " was beaten down enough to lose all self-worth" or "he controlled me so I could not do anything". Like I said it is much more complicated then you understand. And I am not going to keep this up to explain it to you. Happy Reading.
 
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retiredweaxman

Guest
Not everyone has help or money.

Sorry, I don't believe that either.

Monday night - he hits you. Tuesday morning - he goes to work (maybe the woman does too). While she is at work or home (away from him), she makes a couple of calls and is out of the house Tuesday night.

Someone earlier posted a website for local abused women to get help. The bottom line is, there is help available to anyone that wants it.
 

Nickel

curiouser and curiouser
Sorry, I don't believe that either.

Monday night - he hits you. Tuesday morning - he goes to work (maybe the woman does too). While she is at work or home (away from him), she makes a couple of calls and is out of the house Tuesday night.

Someone earlier posted a website for local abused women to get help. The bottom line is, there is help available to anyone that wants it.
The cycle of abuse often includes alienating the victim from her family and friends. Belittling her until she believes that there is no life without him. It's a lot more than just getting hit. I have a family member in an abusive relationship who chose to move OUT of her mothers house and IN to an apartment, that she pays for, with her abuser. You can offer help until you're blue in the face but ultimately she has to decide to take it. It's heartbreaking, but it's like they're wired differently. Or brainwashed.

That being said, there are obviously women out there who get out at the first sign of trouble. But everyone is different and you can't paint everyone with the same brush.
 

struggler44

A Salute to all on Watch
ROBERTA - you and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this subject. If I were to ever hit my wife in anger, I would expect her to do one of three things:

1. Leave
2. Hit me back
3. Do her "Lorena Bobbitt" impersonation

No matter how beaten or abused a woman may be, she has got to have at least the littlest shred of self-dignity inside her body not to put up with it - no matter the situation. People may say, "I was beaten down enough to lose all self-worth" or "he controlled me so I could not do anything," or whatever. However, if a woman knows the abuse is wrong, then she has self-worth and self-dignity and should leave the abuser.

Note: this also applies to guys being abused at home as well.

Give it up; She's arguing just to argue.......
Roberta = BOH
 

annemayer

New Member
Weax-you are as usual an incredibly simplistic thinker. You see your world,and your situation and don't have room for another viewpoint. Why don't you prove us all wrong. Pretend right now,this moment,you are a woman who just got hit. Now,tell us all EXACTLY what agency will step in TONIGHT,and give you a place to live,even if it is temporary? What shelter guarantees space not only for the woman but also her children? What about their pets? Their belongings? What if she has never worked and never got an education? But in your world,there are open arms waiting. And everyone-your words-has at least 1-200 dollars just waiting for them. Let's pretend everyone has 200.00 free,at their disposal. How far does that get? Furthermore,let's consider that if a woman has been abused and suppressed by her husband and has no job prospects,several children,and no CREDIT in her own name,how does she get by,with no time to prepare? Because what I said was not to stay,but that leaving the minute things happen is not reasonable to expect. Have you ever considered letting people know they have money in the bank-remember,EVERYONE does? Because I know people who swear they are flat broke. Now,let' walk through this while I give you the special ed version of why women don't just roll out at the first sign of trouble. Your husband hits you....or beats you up badly. He goes to work the next day. This is the scenario you laid out. You get on the phone,and start calling agencies. They either are 1.full,or 2.want you to press charges. You are scared to,since you know that piece of paper is worthless and won't protect you. But wait,now you find a place to help you. You say you have kids,and they say no problem. Now,you have a dilemma. You leave,but the car is in his name. You now have no vehicle. You have money in the bank,but he takes care of that as soon as he sees you are gone. You have no credit and your cards are reported stolen by this controlling jerk you just pissed off,so they are useless. Now,you get to leave with nothing but the kids,but wait-they are also having to leave their pet behind,because the shelter won't allow it to come,and a man who will beat his wife will surely abuse her animal. But,no matter,you leave anyway. The shelter won't let you stay indefinitely and now,your kids have no toys,no pets,no nothing in this world,and you feel like it is all your fault. You don't even have a way to feed yourself at this point save for the help of others. I am telling you this not as a made up story,but what really happened to a friend of mine who refused to cool off and do things methodically and left her husband in a rush - as you suggest. No one was hitting her anymore,but she found herself penniless,homeless,and he killed her dog who she had for the past 17 years. Her children wound up being taken from her and her ex got custody because he was financially stable and she had no proof of the abuse,and was homeless. Judges do dumb #### every day. Would you be so quick to risk one giving an angry ex visitation or even custody? I'm tired and I'm rambling at this point,but your stupid,simplistic view is just retarded.
 

jaie

So happy!
Sorry, I don't believe that either.

Monday night - he hits you. Tuesday morning - he goes to work (maybe the woman does too). While she is at work or home (away from him), she makes a couple of calls and is out of the house Tuesday night.

Someone earlier posted a website for local abused women to get help. The bottom line is, there is help available to anyone that wants it.

Ok the website for a shelter didn't help me 7 years ago. Don't get me wrong you unsympathetic ##### I didn't stay but it wasn't easy to leave with no money and no support from my family. So untill you know what it's like maybe you should keep your big mouth shut.
 
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retiredweaxman

Guest
Ok the website for a shelter didn't help me 7 years ago. Don't get me wrong you unsympathetic ##### I didn't stay but it wasn't easy to leave with no money and no support from my family. So untill you know what it's like maybe you should keep your big mouth shut.

OK, so once name calling starts, any and all "adult" conversations/debates end.

I NEVER said it would be easy - so stop putting words in my mouth.
 

jaie

So happy!
OK, so once name calling starts, any and all "adult" conversations/debates end.

I NEVER said it would be easy - so stop putting words in my mouth.

Yea because your such an "adult". You sure act like it's cute and dry when it's not, so you put those words in your mouth not me.
 

jaie

So happy!
I agree with you, Weaxman, that it is not easy. I also agree it is not easy for a man who is faced with a wife who is cheating on him, and they have kids together, etc. Like the wife being abused, the man being cheated on is going to have an uphill battle proving this to the court, and he better not leave until then because he will lose full custody of the kids and pay child support up the yinyang (which he will probably end up doing regardless).

Some women in this thread are trying to make it seem like the deck is stacked against them. That is not true in my opinion.

So that's why your a douchebag your ex-wife cheated on you. I can see why.
 

happyazz

Skiing in the clouds
Oh, so that is what happened to your husbands first marrige. That is why he married you. You are so incredibally stupid that you will believe anything he tells you. Good luck with that.
 
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