Statute of limitations?

[Nickel]

Originally posted by citysherry
For crap sake woman, you want some cheese to go with that whine! People blend families all the time. Children are very resilient and adapt quite well with some help to situations in their life paths. Start looking at the bigger picture instead of crying about how this all negatively impacts you.

Thank you! People need to understand it's not about the mother, the father, or least of all their respective spouses...it's about the child. Imagine how you feel in this situation as an adult...now multiply it by 100-that's what the kid is feeling. Or you could continue being selfish. Just remember, that child is the offspring of someone you love, and it's not their fault that the situation is screwed up. They shouldn't have to suffer the consequences. Maybe your husband didn't know he fathered a child, but he sure as hell knows he slept with that woman, so he shouldn't be too surprised...

 

[crabcake]

If the "mothers" (and I use that term loosely) are such scum-bags, how 'bout those who find out they are the fathers file for immediate custody and make the tramps pay for their eff-ups?

 

[Sharon]

We have found that this woman was a call girl, is currently in a rehab, and was brought up on federal weapons charges and was charged and indicted on first degree arson! She plead to conspiracy to commit arson. The kid does not even reside w/ her in WV

Shouldn't be too hard to sue for custody in this case, should it (providing the paternity test is positive)?

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by Sharon
Shouldn't be too hard to sue for custody in this case, should it (providing the paternity test is positive)?

depends on which side of the political fence the judge is on, I'm sure.

there are some out there who feel that "with the mother, regardless of circumstances" is in the best interest of the child/ren.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by christy20657
Then if we win, then what? we just take this kid from the only life he has ever known (may be a shitty life but still the only one he has ever known) and throw him into a ready made family and expect him to adjust? How do we do that? How do you explain to a 10 year old that she has a brother who is older than her that she knew nothing about?

this is where you sit all the children down, tell 'em the absolute truth, and use it as an example of how your choices determine your future ... use the example (while probably embarrassing to your hubby) that doing the mattress mambo with someone you really don't care about can have significant ramifications that are not always immediately revealed (as in this case). The "mother" is also an example of how NOT to live your life, and why being a moral person who accepts personal responsibility for your actions is imperative.

like I said, it will probably be embarrassing for your hubby, but in the long run, having him stand up and accept responsibility for his actions (even those years ago) will speak volumes more than the fact he romped with some chic a while back.

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by tatercake
If the "mothers" (and I use that term loosely) are such scum-bags, how 'bout those who find out they are the fathers file for immediate custody and make the tramps pay for their eff-ups?

In a perfect world courts would take the time to examine the living conditions and ability to provide and give fathers more of a chance at custody. In my case had the demon wench not proved herself to be a goober I would be paying her $1,000 a month so my beloved boy would have a miserable childhood in a trailerpark. The only reason I have boy now is that it was plain to see from some of her actions that she was not the best one to be "custodial parent".

In the first case suing for custody would most likely be difficult. Courts rarely change custody when one parent has been established as "custodial". I am most familiar with Maine law, but most states are similar. In Maine the law is pretty clear. In order to change physical custody of a child form one parent to the other, their must be a SIGNIFICANT change of circumstance. Significant being the key word. An example of "significant" would be drug addiction, jail, a child endangerment conviction, flight to avoid visitation. Just being a loser or increasing the degree of loserdom does not signify a "significant change of circumstance".

In the second case I am sure that a very strong case for a change of custody could be argued as it seems that the child is on the brink of becoming a ward of the state. First however paternity must be established. If the woman is as bad as she is described I am suprised that the DHS has not stepped in and taken protective custody already.

In the fist case it is pretty clear to me what is going on. Why would this woman, after 12 years all of a sudden seek the truth as to the paternity of the child? She was already living a charade with the suspected baby daddy, why all of a sudden introduce this question of paternity? Concience? I think not, people like this rarely possess concience. Follow the money. She has been shacked up with b'f on and off allowing him to think he was baby daddy. Married or not their should have been a child support order in court against the goober. Evidently suspected baby daddy cannot or is not providing sufficient cash for baby momma liking. With her dark secret in mind she toook a stab at getting some fast, steady, and more substantial child support.

The only other possibility is that baby momma went for child support against goober bf and since they are not married most courts require paternity be established or simple accepted. Goober bf might have contested paternity when faced with the spectre of paying baby momma, did the DNA and was excluded as father. Faced with this the court can either order him to pay anyway since he had established a fatherlike relationship (assuming he had) or have the mother if possible seek out past sex partners and attempt to pinpoint paternity.

In any case the situation is this; These people are GD goobers and are on the fast track to ruining a kids life over money. Now in both cases families and innocent people are going to suffer financially for a sin of passion 12 years ago. More troubling is the mental aspect, their is no more fundamental foundation that ones family, be it nuclear or split. Who we are is based on where we came from and a great deal of stability and comfort comes from who our mom and dad are. This foundation has been not just chipped away for these kids, but ripped out.

These are PRIME examples of why conservatives believe in strengthening families. The roots of the nuclear family run deep and even in poverty provide a great deal of stability. Sure running around banging everything in sight and being care free and independent is fun but look what it gets you. Never the less crap happens, these 2 guys need to step up and do what DNA and masculinity didctate, establish a relationship, take charge, and be the footing of stability for a couple of 12 year olds who are feeling like they are drifting without a rudder. If you have to drive a used car or have only basic cable and have to turn off the cell phone BFD. Think how good the stories will sound in 30 years when he is elected President.

 

[Christy]

Originally posted by citysherry
For crap sake woman, you want some cheese to go with that whine! People blend families all the time. Children are very resilient and adapt quite well with some help to situations in their life paths. Start looking at the bigger picture instead of crying about how this all negatively impacts you.

I don't know, I'd be pretty upset if this happened to me, and I imagine that is one messed up kid after 12 years of living with a hooker mother. It may sound cold hearted and cruel, but you also have to look out for the kids you've raised for 10 years. It wouldn't be a far stretch to figure this kid is messed up in the head and could pose a threat to the other kids. :shrug: Despite what most think, kids who have been in horrific situations such as this, don't appreciate the fact that you are pretty much saving them from a hosed up life, they are resentful and damaged from the previous years of abuse and DO pose a serious threat to kids they feel got the better deal in life.

Some friends of mine adopted a child who was five years old and was severely abused. He's now 12 and is still so messed up from that abuse he's threatened violence to his adopted family and has had to be removed from the house and stuck in a mental hospital on numerous occassions.

Christy, I think you have valid concerns and I do hope it works out for you and your family.

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by sleuth14
Even if it comes up positive, he doesn't necessarily have to pay support. Yeah, he had the kid, and yeah he is responsible. But I don't think it's very fair either for this to be sprung on a man who has lived 12 years knowing there was a kid but not being told it was his, then have someone turn around someday, and say "I guess it was yours after all. We're going to flip the lives of your wife and other 4 kids upside down because of it."

Far as I see it, a good lawyer will be able to argue that point effectively in court.

And IF for some reason they don't let him see the kid, he damn sure as hell better not have to pay child support.

Not very familiar with the law or that the word FAIR does not appear anywhere on your birth certificate, marriage license or any other document for that matter are you?

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by Pete
Never the less crap happens, these 2 guys need to step up and do what DNA and masculinity didctate, establish a relationship, take charge, and be the footing of stability for a couple of 12 year olds who are feeling like they are drifting without a rudder. If you have to drive a used car or have only basic cable and have to turn off the cell phone BFD. Think how good the stories will sound in 30 years when he is elected President.

Great post Pete!

As crappy as it may be coughing up your "luxuries" now, unfortunately, when you marry someone, it's for "better or for worse" (or as long as love lasts ). You accept this person as-is ... and the reality is he banged someone before he met/married you. Unfortunately, part of the package of loving him means having to accept his past ... unfortunately, there's no guarantee of when it will come back to haunt him.

Best thing that you can do is what Pete said ... suck it up, nix a couple of the luxuries, and spare this kid from any more emotional damage before it's too late. It's not the kids' fault ... when you drill it down to the bottom line: these men weren't likely forced to mattress mambo with these women -- they chose to. And when you knock boots, you HAVE to be prepared for the possibility (regardless of how much protection you use) that a child could be born of your "dance".

 

[Nickel]

The "mother" is also an example of how NOT to live your life, and why being a moral person who accepts personal responsibility for your actions is imperative.

That's probably not the best way to go about earning the child's trust. As effed up as his mom may be, she's still his mom, and I'm sure he loves her with all his heart. It would be hard enough to adjust to being thrust into a new family, imagine how much harder it would be if your new "parents" bad-mouthed your mother. You can throw any hopes of a positive relationship out the window.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by Nickel
That's probably not the best way to go about earning the child's trust. As effed up as his mom may be, she's still his mom, and I'm sure he loves her with all his heart. It would be hard enough to adjust to being thrust into a new family, imagine how much harder it would be if your new "parents" bad-mouthed your mother. You can throw any hopes of a positive relationship out the window.

I didn't say "tell the kid his mom could be a porcupine if she had as many stickin' out as she's had going in" ... I mean that you explain how people make choices ... in this case, two people chose to participate in an activity that produced a baby, and while the dad didn't know about him when it happened, he knows now and is standing up to accept responsibility for his actions.

 

[Nickel]

Originally posted by tatercake
"his mom could be a porcupine if she had as many stickin' out as she's had going in"

I'll have to remember that one

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by Nickel
I'll have to remember that one

it's not new, but tater used it last night and reminded me of it.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Christy
He's now 12 and is still so messed up from that abuse he's threatened violence to his adopted family and has had to be removed from the house and stuck in a mental hospital on numerous occassions.

There's that but genetics also plays a role as well. A child born of two mentally flawed individuals has a pretty good chance of being mentally flawed himself.

Great posts, Pete.

 

[Kizzy]

That is pretty messed up that somebody would step forward years and years later and finally tell the man that they have fathered a son.

3 of the guys I dated had this happen. One chose to sign over parental rights at mom's request, I believe that the child was adopted by the man she later married. The other mom called almost a year after the child was born and he NEVER requested a paternity test. I thought that it was odd that mom waited so long to say anything and mighty dumb of him to not take a paternity test. Currently, he is very active in his son's life.

The 3rd situation was rather sad. He raised the child since it was born with this women who was his girlfriend and there was an emergency just before the age of 3 that involved some blood work on the parents, he found out at this point that he was NOT the father.

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
There's that but genetics also plays a role as well. A child born of two mentally flawed individuals has a pretty good chance of being mentally flawed himself.

Good point, I have great friends from CA that adopted 2 kids as infants. They had the Ward and June Cleaver home and did everything right. The boy turned ut great and is not a high ranking executive with Perrier group, the daughter was crap all her life and is trash.

I worry about genetics with boy. He definatly has his mothers need for drama, and her propensity to lie. Luckily, he is not as good at lying as she is.

 

[sleuth]

Originally posted by Pete
Not very familiar with the law or that the word FAIR does not appear anywhere on your birth certificate, marriage license or any other document for that matter are you?

Nope... I'm just posting my opinion... :shrug:

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by sleuth14
Nope... I'm just posting my opinion... :shrug:

My mistake, it seemed as though you were posting fact and not opinion.

First: You cannot withhold court ordered child support payments for lack of visitation. It is illegal and will get the judges dander up on your next visit. Child support and visitation are 2 seperate issues and problems with either are addressed seperatly.

Second: The judge can do pretty much whatever he wants within the statutes, which in most cases are very vague. If paternity is proved you can almost bet your sweet ass you will be paying, even if it is 17 years and 11 months late. The reason it is at the point of court ordered paternity testing is because some one is being forced to pay be it the state welfare office, or a man, the court is just looking for the most responsible party. If you share DNA BINGO you win, even if it is 15 years later and you had no knowledge of it. If the DNA donor cannot be pinpointed then it falls to whatever man was the defacto father at the time of birth. If no man was the defacto father then welfare picks it up. Thing is that when some one applies for welfare with a child and they are unmarried the STATE wants to know who donated the sperm. The STATE will then seek out the father to reduce the burden on the welfare system and let him pay. Another little known fact is that if the mother is on TANF and the state locates the father and gets child support established the STATE gets paid back for money they gave the mother and child while on TANF, then the mother gets the $$ once that burden has been paid back.

Actually I am suprised that Maryland doesn't require back child support. It only starts to accrue when a petition is filed. I have seen some pretty bad scenarios in Maine. They are not so nice. If you find out 4 years later, they expect the arrears be paid too even though you didn't know. In large cases they will often reduce the arrears to a "reasonable" ammount.

 

[sleuth]

Originally posted by Pete
My mistake, it seemed as though you were posting fact and not opinion.

First: You cannot withhold court ordered child support payments for lack of visitation. It is illegal and will get the judges dander up on your next visit. Child support and visitation are 2 seperate issues and problems with either are addressed seperatly.

Well... on this part I was posting what I thought might be fact. I have known several cases (though not in Maryland) where the child support and visitation were closely tied, i.e. The more visitation the dad got, the more he had to pay, i.e. visitation and support are directly proportional.

In other states I have seen it where the less visitation = more pay, i.e. visitation and support are inversely proportional.

According to my girlfriend's lawyer (in Indiana), if she were to move out here with me and bring the daughter, the ex's support would be reduced, not because she is marrying me, but because he would have less visitation rights.

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by sleuth14
Well... on this part I was posting what I thought might be fact. I have known several cases (though not in Maryland) where the child support and visitation were closely tied, i.e. The more visitation the dad got, the more he had to pay, i.e. visitation and support are directly proportional.

In other states I have seen it where the less visitation = more pay, i.e. visitation and support are inversely proportional.

According to my girlfriend's lawyer (in Indiana), if she were to move out here with me and bring the daughter, the ex's support would be reduced, not because she is marrying me, but because he would have less visitation rights.

Not sure about Indiana law but in my experience having actually been in court, filed motions to the court, calculated support and adjustments to the support that is in conflict with almost every other states laws.

Violation of child support OR visitation orders are seperate items of contempt. I am sure KK can look it up in about 5 minutes for MD but ME specifically states that "Visitation cannot be withheld from the non-custodial parent due to missed child support" and the statute further goes on to order that rule be clearly quoted in every divorce judgement with a child support and visitation order.

Child support is calculated by a formula that takes the total of the parents income, finds a ratio of the total, assigns a monthy obligation that is split along the bounds of the income ratio and that is that.

The only time child support is modified away from that method relating to visitation is when the child visits the other parent more than 33% of the overnights in a year period. If the child spends 40% of the annual overnights with the non-custodial parent the child support is modified to reflect the increased costs to the non-custodial for the additional costs to feed, clothe and house the child for the additional nights.

The idea that the visitation and support are directly proportionate is vile. You have to pay extra to see your kid? I cannot believe any state would make a child support obligation and visitation linked and proportionate. Either you mistunderstood or you are not getting the real story.