Statute of limitations?

[Dymphna]

I used to process welfare applications and I worked in a cubicle next the the child support enforcement officers in St. M's. I even sat in on child support court. Although I am not in the least professing to be an expert.

Like Pete said, if a kid is on welfare of any sort (exluding food stamps) the state wants to know who the financially responsible people are. They will seek to track down the bio father, even if mom says it was a one-night stand she met in a bar and she doesn't know his name. They'll look for witnesses and try to find that guy. Visitation issues are not a factor.

Good news, however for all those unknowing long lost fathers, the Masters (judge-types who preside over child support court) are generally human, at least in St. M's. They will be reasonable from time to time. They are capable of recognizing the unfairness of it all. That's not to say bio-dads will get off scott-free.

Case in point... when I sat in on the hearings the following case came up. A man came up and cried poor, he had multiple bebe's mommas and child support orders in two counties. The total support payments were killing him, he claimed, especially since he was married with kids too. The Master had been reducing payments and arrears left and right all day and was about to do it again until the child support officers produced pictures of the man's house with the new addition in process, the brand new 4x4, and two boats, one was big, fancy and brand-new. The man was caught lying and was smacked down, but if he had been telling the truth, and been making a good faith effort to keep up, he would've had his payments radically reduced.

 

[Pete]

Good one scum, off topic, I had a buddy who was a private investigator for workers comp fraud. I used to help him out by following these losers around and video taping them playing basketball, chopping wood, then the next day tape them using crutches and acting all hurt to go their workers comp hearing. Stinking Unions used to ALWAYS get them a lawyer and fight it despite the video tape. They always lost

 

[christy20657]

Originally posted by Nickel
Thank you! People need to understand it's not about the mother, the father, or least of all their respective spouses...it's about the child. Imagine how you feel in this situation as an adult...now multiply it by 100-that's what the kid is feeling. Or you could continue being selfish. Just remember, that child is the offspring of someone you love, and it's not their fault that the situation is screwed up. They shouldn't have to suffer the consequences. Maybe your husband didn't know he fathered a child, but he sure as hell knows he slept with that woman, so he shouldn't be too surprised...

Excuse me? I am being selfish? Need I remind you that I already raised from the age of 3 one child that is not mine biologically, he is from my husbands first marriage, that child is now 16 and has lived with us for years and it took every penny we had and living in a run down trailer for 10 years to afford the mounting legal fees and guess what we recieve? $154 a month in child support from his mother because she chooses to not better herself and continues to work at an IHOP down in Georgia and has no contact with him, so as for me being selfish, I have given all of myself to this child and will continue to do so. Not to mention I have my own daughter to think about. I was put here for THESE CHILDREN!

As far as me caring about how the kid is, how he feels, about his well being, yes I do. I think I clearly stated that he is one of the losers in this stupid game as well. I didnt just say that my kids were the ones losing out. However, IT IS NOT MY JOB TO CARE ABOUT HOW HE FEELS but I still do! I did not give birth to him, I did not father him, I did not raise him, hell I have never even laid eyes on him. So, all you people out there who claim that I am selfish and you are so selfless, lets see you give up what YOU have worked for and what you are able to afford your children for a child you did not birth, you do not know, you did not take on the burden of raising. As a matter of fact, there are probably some kids just like this kid, right around the corner from you, a stranger, who is having a shitty childhood and life, and that is what this kid is too me. A stranger. So lets see some of you give up what you have to help that poor kid around the corner.

You want to say that I am selfish when I have stated I would take the kid if possible and if we could have the fight here in Maryland because I dont know about all you southern marylanders who claim to be so rich that you can just pay a lawyer to drive back and for the to WV to fight. But, the mother is the selfish one here. After all, she was the one who gave birth to him, and was responsible for his care and taking care of him and SHE chose not to. So if his own mother doesn't give a rats ass about him, how is that I am selfish? Why am I supposed to take care of a kid that his own mother didnt care about? You cant make me believe that I am here to constantly clean up the messes of shitty mothers? I am not saying that I dont care about the kid, I care about him as I would any kid that is in a tough spot, however I WILL NOT SACRIFICE MY CHILDRENS HAPPINESS, OR THIER WANTS AND NEEDS FOR A CHILD THAT I DO NOT KNOW AND HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO! Lets see how many of you out there would.

You want me to give up luxeries? What freakin luxery? My house is the only luxery I have and actually considering the trailer we lived in before we bought the house 2 years ago had floors that were caving in, a leaking roof I dont think we had any other option. We have no luxeries! We pay $500 a month in health insurance for our kids because our employers dont offer it and that will be what we have to drop to help us afford the child support payment and my dh will have to get another job which will again take away his time w/ our kids. So my kids have to go w/out health insurance so this kid can have it free through the state, how is that right? Sacrifice the health of 2 kids to provide health care for one when his mother will probably never use it anyway? Makes alot of sense. After we pay all of our bills, there is $250 left over each month. And usually that goes to groceries or if the kids need shoes, or clothes or maybe to allow my 16 year old to go to a movies.

So for you self righeous hypocrites, lets see just how many of you will take from your kids to give to a complete stranger. Lets see just how many of you would snatch the last piece of bread from a starving person if it meant feeding your own children. Until you are in my shoes, you have no right to judge me, and considering I dont drive a fancy car, I drive a kia sephia for shits sake, probably the cheapest car out there, I dont believe I fall into the same category as the others you are talking about. Hell I work in Annapolis and moved from Lothian to the Ranch Estates and commute over an hour to and from work because I obviously could not afford to buy a house in AA county, so that should tell you something!

 

[Nickel]

Christy, I wasn't necessarily commenting on your specific situation, but the majority of this type of situation. The original scenario for this thread is more suited to what I was talking about. I do give you props for everything you have done and sacrificed for your and your husband's children, it takes a first rate individual to do that.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by christy20657
I think I clearly stated that he is one of the losers in this stupid game as well.

I can't believe you called this kid a "loser".

I really think you need to calm your britches down a bit ... go have a smoke (I'll even lend ya one).

Then, realize that noone was saying that you were selfish (that I read). All they were saying was "yea, it sucks, but you play the hand life deals you."

You married the guy ... good, bad or indifferent. I can understand you are rightfully upset by the situation, but it doesn't mean you need to lash out at the very people who tried to sympathize with you either. We didn't post this situtaion -- YOU did. We're just here to comment on it.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by tatercake
I can't believe you called this kid a "loser".

She didn't call him a loser as in "you loser". She was correctly pointing out that he is one of the parties who is losing something by the ugly behavior of the adults around him.

 

[mainman]

Originally posted by tatercake
I can't believe you called this kid a "loser".

You are kidding right? Did you read the sentence?

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by christy20657
so that should tell you something!

Yea, your sense of compassion is non-existant and you will set a new standard for the evil step-mom If this kid comes to live with you when you rail out loud in front of him what you gave up becasue he was born.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
She didn't call him a loser as in "you loser". She was correctly pointing out that he is one of the parties who is losing something by the ugly behavior of the adults around him.

Originally posted by mainman
You are kidding right? Did you read the sentence?

I can't believe you guys would question (of all people) MY reading comprehension. it was a joke.

 

[christy20657]

I didnt mean it as he was a "loser" I meant it as, he and my kids will be on the losing end. I guess that is the way I should have expressed it.

I dont meant to lash out, but as you see I was called selfish and was told to give up luxeries like I am sitting back high on the hog counting my money. Nope, wish it was true because then not only would this kid be taken care of, but alot of other kids that I have come in contact with who dont have the benefit of clothing, food or the simple toy.

I know that my husband is also responsible for not protecting himself, believe me, he has felt my wrath many a time (and just to make it good, I wont take the xanex so he can feel the full effect!) but, it was before me, and had we known about this child 12 years ago, his life would have been so different! Thats the sad part, he would have never experienced all the bad things he has in life, because we would have taken him. Thats if I would have even married my husband knowing that he had 2 kids by 2 different women, its doubtful I would have. Maybe thats the silver lining in this. He is a wonderful husband and father. And if this child had been revealed back then, we may not be together or if we were, we would not have been able to afford to fight 2 custody battles and we would have had to choose which child was more deserving of the fight, this one or my stepson who we have. I would not trade my stepson for anything, like I said, he is my son, if God's plan was to only reveal this now so that we would have him, then I am eternally grateful, he is my life and will always have my heart.

All we can do is go on from here. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. There is nothing we can do about. We will have to take it as it comes. I keep telling myself that whatever it is we will make it through, I just wish I could believe it.

 

[christy20657]

Originally posted by Pete
Yea, your sense of compassion is non-existant and you will set a new standard for the evil step-mom If this kid comes to live with you when you rail out loud in front of him what you gave up becasue he was born.

First of all Pete, I would never do that. I have NEVER said anything bad to my ss that I have raised about his mother. When he would ask me "why doesn't my mom call me, or love me or whatever" I would simply tell him "your mom loves you, it just sometimes takes some adults longer to get things together than others, but she does love you"

There were also times that she would lie and say she sent him some money in a card for his birthday, well it would never come so I would go to the store, by a card, stick $10 in it and sign it "love mom" and mail it to the house w/ her return address on it just so he wouldn't think she lied to him.

Once he got to be about 13, I could not cover for her anymore, and he started to see it for himself and now has chosen on his own after she has not bothered to call him for 4 years (when he was little it was easy to disguise how infrequent the calls were because he didnt really understand time) he has decided to remove her from his life and wants nothing to do with her. I am sorry for that, but I am mainly sorry for her because she will never know what a truly amazing kid he is!

I would never bad mouth another parent or make a child feel guilty for what I have had to give up. The bottom line is, if he comes to live with us, I wouldnt really have to give up anything. I would gain another child. Yeah it would cost to raise him but the bottom line, I know that I raise both of my kids off far less than what they are trying to take from my dh in Child Support if this kid is his!

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by christy20657
I keep telling myself that whatever it is we will make it through, I just wish I could believe it.

You'll either make it through or you'll fold. This isn't the end of the world. Nobody has died, nobody has a terminal illness or had a limb blown off. This is a simple matter of now there's another human being that your husband is responsible for.

At the end of the day, you need to decide what you want to make of this. It can be a great lesson to your own kids on the hazards of random sex. OR it can be the destruction of your marriage and your family life.

It's up to you.

 

[pixiegirl]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
You'll either make it through or you'll fold. This isn't the end of the world. Nobody has died, nobody has a terminal illness or had a limb blown off. This is a simple matter of now there's another human being that your husband is responsible for.

At the end of the day, you need to decide what you want to make of this. It can be a great lesson to your own kids on the hazards of random sex. OR it can be the destruction of your marriage and your family life.

It's up to you.

Solid advice from a forum non-nutjob.

She's for hire too!

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by kwillia
har har.... Nope, still doesn't sound like a joke...

well, it was; guess I should have put behind it.

 

[sleuth]

Originally posted by Pete
The only time child support is modified away from that method relating to visitation is when the child visits the other parent more than 33% of the overnights in a year period. If the child spends 40% of the annual overnights with the non-custodial parent the child support is modified to reflect the increased costs to the non-custodial for the additional costs to feed, clothe and house the child for the additional nights.

That's it right there then. The ex gets his daughter 6 out of every 14 nights. If she were to move to Maryland, then it would be significantly less than than 33%.

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by sleuth14
That's it right there then. The ex gets his daughter 6 out of every 14 nights. If she were to move to Maryland, then it would be significantly less than than 33%.

Well in that case I should tell you that moving more than 100 miles from the non-custodial parent IS considered a "significant" change of circumstance, and 6 out of 14 nights is more like "joint" custody. He could very well go to court and get physical custody if she were to try and move.

 

[sleuth]

Originally posted by Pete
Well in that case I should tell you that moving more than 100 miles from the non-custodial parent IS considered a "significant" change of circumstance, and 6 out of 14 nights is more like "joint" custody. He could very well go to court and get physical custody if she were to try and move.

He has already signed over his custodial rights in an out of court agreement. She has full legal and physical custody. He gets visitation...

He agreed to sign over the custodial rights in exchanged for one more night of visitation per two weeks, up to 6 from 5.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by sleuth14
He has already signed over his custodial rights in an out of court agreement. She has full legal and physical custody. He gets visitation...

He agreed to sign over the custodial rights in exchanged for one more night of visitation per two weeks, up to 6 from 5.

something doesn't sound right about this. when you sign over rights to a child, you do just that ... meaning you have no rights to anything to do with the child, including visitation.

 

[sleuth]

Originally posted by tatercake
something doesn't sound right about this. when you sign over rights to a child, you do just that ... meaning you have no rights to anything to do with the child, including visitation.

Full legal custody in Indiana does not mean no visitation.

Indiana defines visitation separate from custody.

She gets total control over her daughter's schooling, religion, medical decisions (except in life/death situations), etc. He gets to have her visit.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by sleuth14
Full legal custody in Indiana does not mean no visitation.

Indiana defines visitation separate from custody.

She gets total control over her daughter's schooling, religion, medical decisions (except in life/death situations), etc. He gets to have her visit.

okay, but that's not "signing away his rights" ...