Stepping Out

[Kimmy]

I am coming late into the topic but I will through my 2 cents in.
My husband and I have been together for 2 years. That first year was sooooooooooooo tough. We were having a ruff time in our marriage and then one day out of the blue I met up an ex-boyfriend and cried my heart out to him about what was happening in our marriage. He was there for me as a friend and listen. He told me that a women like me is what he needs. Well I never cheated on my husband but the thought did cross my mind alot. The ex-boyfriend was what I wanted so bad. (He is so cute!) But I thought about the kids and that I need to be the grown up one and do what is right for my kids. So I did and some how we are still together. Marriage is something that you have to work on everyday. Communicating is the #1 thing and that is what we fail to do. (Because of his mother trying to break our marriage up) But she is out of the picture. Lets just say her and I had some 1 on 1. And I got my point through loud and clear...

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by Kain99
Here's a hint....

Bad Boys Bad Boys, Watcha Gonna Do?
Watcha Gonna Do when they come for you!

So she's a cop? Wow, I had NO idea!

 

[Kizzy]

No I just work for them but not in that capacity. The hubby does but thank God, it is for another department.

Now as far as my earlier point, Kimmy you were missing something emotional in your relationship. I think it is the lack of emotional support that will lead a woman to cheat or just think about it. With men, it can also be emotional, but for the most part, I have only seen the chase and the strange as that main reason for a man to "step out" of the marriage.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Gotcha!!

 

[blueeyes76]

It makes going to work functions difficult at best, which I mentioned (I think to Sharon) that a recent party got a bit vulgar

Do you work at St. Mary's? I heard about a nasty incident at the Christmas party last year, is that what you're referring to?

 

[Kizzy]

No but I know about that incident too!

 

[blueeyes76]

I used to babysit for a cop and his wife, she made me promise I would never get involved with a cop because of all the "stepping out"!

 

[Kain99]

After my Divorce I dated Cops... Man talk about easy pick ups! I think I was looking for a protector... Huh! What a joke!

Even when Biscuit and I met the cop brigade was still hangin around. It would be unfair to stereo type all of them into one group but let's just say, the lady you babysat for is most likely right.

It's not all bad... to this day I have still never gotten a ticket!

 

[blueeyes76]

It would be unfair to stereo type all of them into one group but let's just say, the lady you babysat for is most likely right.

I definitely wouldn't do that! I'm sure they aren't all like that, but I'd rather not take my chances.

 

[KaZamm1061]

Okay heres my two cents on this subject, If i was married i would never cheat on my spouse, I think it is morally wrong. If the person your with doesnt satisfy you then you just need to move on get your divorce first then continue with your life. Same goes when your dating someone. Evedently your with the person your with for a reason, why ruin whats good and again if its not then dont play the games and move on. Damn i have 1 cent left. ill save that for later

 

[Kain99]

That's Right Kazammm...!

When your spouse gets on your nerves GET A DIVORCE!

When he leaves his socks in the floor GET A DIVORCE!

If your spouse gets crabby by all means... GET A DIVORCE!

When ya really think about it you ought to turn around the day after the wedding and just FILE FOR DIVORCE!

It would save so much time and energy!

 

[SmallTown]

I know i'll get flamed for this one, but what else is new??

You hear a lot about "stepping out" with people in chat rooms, message forms, etc for one simple reason.. Attention.. Lets face it, most of the people who surf the boards and chat rooms aren't exactly the "beautiful people" of the world.. They are not use to a lot of people showing them attention.. So when someone does, they start going crazy.. They feel if one person is attracted to them ,maybe more are.. So they start testing the waters more and more. So in this sence, it isn't about getting what you need at home, but rather your insecure self wanting a little boost. Pretty sad if you ask me.. But look at the people you see on TV and in the news who leave their spouse for people on the internet.. They aren't exactly super models or Mr. America.

So if it is because you are not getting what you need at home, or simple insecurity, you are a major loser for cheating on the spouse.

 

[KaZamm1061]

Ohh i knew id us my other Cent sooner or later. Well i get plenty of attention. Although not from a special someone in my life as im single, Not by choice i just havent found someone to share my life with. Im not conceeded But Im a sexy MF ive been told that on many occations. I have no problem dating its that most of these women dont want a serious relationship in this boring ### county. Its just im not getting any younger and im ready to settle down. Maybe one day that will happen But for now I sit and wait. I surf these fourms to chat meet people and get a laugh every now and then. Ive met a selected few from here and enjoyed there company and when there is no work to do or im bored sitting behind a desk or the Hanger is empty i like to surf these fourms. By no means do i come here because i get no attention. I cant speak for others.

 

[migtig]

Not married - but here is my 2 cents worth:
I feel that people who cheat are lacking something - love, affection, attention, the simple feeling of being appreciated. Of course there are some people who cheat because that is what they saw growing up, and you have people who cheat, because joe blow is too - however those types aren't fully emotionally developed. This is true in any relationship - not just marriage. If an individual is not confident enough in themselves, they will never have that confidence in a relationship and will constantly need to seek it out in others in a desire to be fulfilled emotionally. And then there are some people who are sexually promiscuois (sp?) who have a pattern of past sexual and emotional abuse. These are people who aren't having sexual relationships for the sex, but in order to feel loved and wanted. Okay the mig is done with the psycho babble....

 

[Jameo]

Originally posted by SmallTown
I know i'll get flamed for this one, but what else is new??

You hear a lot about "stepping out" with people in chat rooms, message forms, etc for one simple reason.. Attention.. Lets face it, most of the people who surf the boards and chat rooms aren't exactly the "beautiful people" of the world.. They are not use to a lot of people showing them attention.. So when someone does, they start going crazy.. They feel if one person is attracted to them ,maybe more are.. So they start testing the waters more and more. So in this sence, it isn't about getting what you need at home, but rather your insecure self wanting a little boost. Pretty sad if you ask me.. But look at the people you see on TV and in the news who leave their spouse for people on the internet.. They aren't exactly super models or Mr. America.

So if it is because you are not getting what you need at home, or simple insecurity, you are a major loser for cheating on the spouse.

Yeah smallmind, that's it, you hit the nail on the head?!? BTW, thanks for the laugh

back to the subject at hand.

If someone is seriously thinking about "stepping out", call it off with your spouse and go and do what ever floats your boat. You will find out the hard way the grass ain't greener on the other side.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by migtig
I feel that people who cheat are lacking something - love, affection, attention, the simple feeling of being appreciated.

I have always felt this way. Many cheat because of how the other person makes them FEEL. When they are with the 'other', they feel needed, appreciated, pretty, etc... Not that this applies to all, but I think it's a good assumption for the most part. The funny thing is, that they might have that same thing at home and simple communication could fix the problem and let their sig. other know what needs to be changed so both parties are happy.

 

[SmallTown]

Originally posted by Jameo
Yeah smallmind, that's it, you hit the nail on the head?!? BTW, thanks for the laugh

ahh yes..

 

[Kain99]

Originally posted by SmallTown
You hear a lot about "stepping out" with people in chat rooms, message forms, etc for one simple reason.. Attention.. Lets face it, most of the people who surf the boards and chat rooms aren't exactly the "beautiful people" of the world..

I guess it depends on how you define beautiful..... I think you might be bringing up an interesting point...

Are you saying that Internet chatting leads to cheating or are you saying that those who are thinking about cheating are led to Internet chatting?

I'm curious! Although your statement might hurt peoples feelings, You might be on to something.

Maybe we should start a new thread! Let me know if ya think the subject deserves attention. I mean who better to judge than us right?

 

[SmallTown]

Actually, since we were discussing new writing columns, this might be the perfect topic to start one.

 

[pixiegirl]

Shame on you all for having a conversation like this without me! Geez, take a day off and look what happens. Ok, here is my "expert" opinion. As most of you know I'm legally still married for another month. Technically I guess I'm cheating on my husband, but not really. I put him out and filed for divorce and am just waiting for my 12 month seperation period to be up. Anyway, I'll be completely honest here. Dating and marrying my ex taught me a ton about love and relationships. We got together when I was 18 and he was 20. He was the biggest jerk to me. The first year and a half that we dated I was too busy trying to prove myself to him to even look at another guy. After some really ridiculous stunts on his part we started the break up get back together game. I never technically cheated on him but on our temporary break ups I'd do whatever the hell I pleased with whoever the hell I pleased. Then we got to the point when I really didn't care for him or the relationship anymore. But he wouldn't leave or leave me alone for that matter. I'd try to break up with him and he'd turn into stalker boy and it was easier to just be with him then deal with him interfearing in my life so much. On and off, on and off; then I get pregnant. We get married even though I didn't want to at all. I had my son December of last year and I was so miserable and I knew I was capable of cheating on him so I just put him out. Thankfully I was staying with my parents and he couldn't harass me nearly as much as he would have liked to and I've made it 11 months without feeling pressured to go back.

The bottom line is I don't think I ever really loved my husband. Maybe I did? But I question it a lot. Now since I've left my husband I've had one serious boyfriend. But he and I go off and on a lot. This one I do love. His last serious girlfriend cheated on him and left him for another guy which has made him totally emotionally unavailable. Instead of being in a relationship and being unhappy and straying I've left him several times too. Do I date in between break ups? Sure I do. Why sit and wait for someone to come around who may never come around. Who knows what you might miss. Mind you, I think we'll probably end up together but in the mean time I live by the mentality that if I'm not getting what I want or need out of a relationship I will leave and find it elsewhere. I don't cheat nor would I, it's just not right. But I am a no b/s kinda girl.