Midnightrider
Well-Known Member
taking money isn't a joke. it is what it is. I would question more why Z needed the money.vraiblonde said:
Straighten me out
- Thread starter vraiblonde
- Start date
harleygirl
Working for the weekend
Vrai, I think you are in a step situation like me. My son and step-son live at home. I do not know it the two kids involved are your natural or step children. I can tell you that when I talk to hubby about something negative regarding my step-son I have to be very careful. Same with hubby, I can call my son a little brat and that is fine........if hubby says it I start getting defensive, and vice versa.
Because Larry and I are having a disagreement (of sorts) over my method of handling issues with the children (and each other). And my handling of the A/Z issue was one of the things that came up as an example of my "harshness" and poor methodology.cattitude said:
How's she going to empty the dishwasher with one hand?BS Gal said:
TexasPride77
Eat More Beef, Less Chkn
vraiblonde said:I can't share pointers because I couldn't get past the Foreward.
I'll try to find and excerpt. You'll howl.
I like the counselor, but I think she's a little more touchy-feely than someone like me can relate to. Larry loves her, so we'll continue to see her. But I should probably consider someone more aggressive.
Harsh. Like me.
I look at it like this...what do you think happends when your kid does something "naughty" and you repremand with "do you wanna whup-pin?" and then take no further action?
Is the kid remorseful for the wrong act? Did the kid appologize? Will the kid do the act again, even knowing you are opposed to the act?
My point - being nice is not the best way to get the big point across and your will have more recurrance of the act and had you taken a stand for what you knew to be right and applied the forceful learning technique of applying the board of education to the seat of learning.
Stand up to the person who did you wrong....tell them you felt they did you wrong...and if they do not care enough about you to fix the perceived wrong...then you will know where their priorities are and can take action based on that.
I'm a mean mommy.
morganj614
New Member
TexasPride77 said:
All that gets sticky when it is stepchildren involved. I still say dad needs to make Z apologize for lying and stealing.
PS, just so nobody gets the wrong idea, Z is my darling step-daughter and A is her beloved cousin, who she adores. It's not like Z nabbed the dough from a stranger or someone she hates. And while she does have a history of...shall we say, less than truthfulness, this is the only time she's ever stolen anything that I'm aware of.
TexasPride77
Eat More Beef, Less Chkn
morganj614 said:
I can understand that situatiion and agree....and I also agree that in the case of step kids...the whole family should sit down and lay out and establish a new set of family values that are understood by all.
The key to that is communication.
Of course, I have no experience with step kids other than the fact that I was a step kid myself growing up. I cannot possibly understand all the emotions of the new parent in an established family. All I can do is just give opinion from an outsiders perspective.
This happened a year ago and is completely resolved and over with. Right now we're discussing my handling of the situation and whether it was appropriate or not, as an example of whether I'm too harsh.morganj614 said:
harleygirl
Working for the weekend
Exactly, if Z is dad's, I would give dad my thoughts and let him handle it. I had an issue with s/son yesterday, discussed it with hubby, who of course got defensive. Later when he was talking to s/son, he repeated my words to s/son like they were his own. Sometimes he does listen, I find the less pushy I am with hubby about his son the walls do not come up.morganj614 said:
M
Mousebaby
Guest
vraiblonde said:
So how did you handle it? It's hard to say if you were too harsh without knowing the whole story.
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
harleygirl said:
I can't buy into that theory and I'm the one with the bio kid. I chose to be with him and to bring him into my son's life if I don't have the utmost trust in his ability to parent I should have chosen differently. We parent together. Even if I do think he's wrong I stand united with him in front of the kids and we discuss the issue later behind closed doors. If I were to ever be single again I couldn't and wouldn't be with someone who I didn't trust 100% and the same would have to be said for me if they had a kid. When your kid is in "our" house it's our kid.
My guess initially was money, then turned to an item like a cell when you made the statement that "Okay, Z, now you can apologize to A because she got in trouble for that and that wasn't a very good joke."vraiblonde said:
There may be degrees of deception, but it's deception nonetheless.
If two teens are siblings and one hides the other's cell, as a evil prank and intentionally or unintentionally forgets to give it back (or simply doesn't care) it may imply less intent to STEAL as it does malice.
But, with money, there usually isn't any reason to play around with it. If you take it, you usually mean it. Whether you're doing it so YOU have it OR the other person does NOT... What ever the case, you took it - you'll use it - IF you don't get caugt. <--- Which is the inherent lie.
The on-the-spot spit outs (lies) were a good try - they worked to a degree if they have anyone questioning their authenticity.
If your therapist says that you're harsh, okay; you're harsh. Having set up this expedition kind of wasted excess energy on your part, but hey - you wanted less bias viewpoints.
All in all, would you agree that it was in Z's best interest that she test the waters with you and A, than say Habib and 7-11?
I cancelled her upcoming birthday bash, told her that people who steal and lie do not get birthday parties and now she has to earn back my trust because, as far as I'm concerned with this issue, she is a thief and a liar. And she must prove to me that she's not a liar and a thief by not lying and stealing in the future.Mousebaby said:
I wasn't particularly pissed at her because, well, kids do stupid things and it makes an opportunity to teach them right from wrong. So what the heck.
I was more bent with the adults who were insisiting that she didn't "mean" to steal that money and that she was just "confused", not actually lying. And taking umbrage at my use of the words "stealing" and "lying", which were considered harsh.