Straighten me out

Larry Gude · Sep 20, 2006

When I aksed you...

vraiblonde said:
I just got back from a counseling session and I need a reality check. Just a few simple questions, then I'll give you a scenario that may (or may not) change your mind.

First question:

What do you call it when someone takes something that doesn't belong to them, without the owner's knowledge, and keeps it until forced to return it?

...if you think she meant to take that money and keep it you said...

harleygirl · Sep 20, 2006

pixiegirl said:
I can't buy into that theory and I'm the one with the bio kid. I chose to be with him and to bring him into my son's life if I don't have the utmost trust in his ability to parent I should have chosen differently. We parent together. Even if I do think he's wrong I stand united with him in front of the kids and we discuss the issue later behind closed doors. If I were to ever be single again I couldn't and wouldn't be with someone who I didn't trust 100% and the same would have to be said for me if they had a kid. When your kid is in "our" house it's our kid.

But Pixie your children are still young......I completely see your viewpoint. We are talking teenagers here or young adults, that already have had set values before the other spouse came in the picture. I would never argue with my hubby when he was scolding my teen for something. If I did not agree with him, we would discuss it behing closed doors.

Midnightrider · Sep 20, 2006

vraiblonde said:
I cancelled her upcoming birthday bash, told her that people who steal and lie do not get birthday parties and now she has to earn back my trust because, as far as I'm concerned with this issue, she is a thief and a liar. And she must prove to me that she's not a liar and a thief by not lying and stealing in the future.

I wasn't particularly pissed at her because, well, kids do stupid things and it makes an opportunity to teach them right from wrong. So what the heck.

I was more bent with the adults who were insisiting that she didn't "mean" to steal that money and that she was just "confused", not actually lying. And taking umbrage at my use of the words "stealing" and "lying", which were considered harsh.

I would suggest that both of those things would be a little bit harsh, but with in the bounds of reason. I realized i was being extreme in my punishments when we were goignt o family counseling. The only thing the really made sense to me was the counselor said that small punishments with definite terms are most constructive. After a certain point it doesn't matter to the kid anymore. You remember what it was like to think the world was ending if you were grounded for the weekend.

And i agree, i would be pissed at any adualt that thought it was an accident, or mistake.

mainman · Sep 20, 2006

I think all of the guilty involved should be forced to eat Saurkraut and sausage on top of mashed potatoes :twitch:

as a punishment, including you mommy for starting this thread...

cattitude · Sep 20, 2006

You two need to attend the Catt & Otter school of step-parenting.

Larry Gude · Sep 20, 2006

Huh...

vraiblonde said:
She didn't say. Just that my calling those acts "stealing" and "lying" were harsh.

...what I heard her say was that how you said it and the context where the issue; not the words.

virgovictoria · Sep 20, 2006

mainman said:
I think all of the guilty involved should be forced to eat Saurkraut and sausage on top of mashed potatoes as a punishment, including you mommy for starting this thread...

I know! WTF is up with that shiat anyhow! :dead:

mainman · Sep 20, 2006

virgovictoria said:
I know! WTF is up with that shiat anyhow!

Maybe it's a white thing?

Mousebaby · Sep 20, 2006

I don't think that was harsh at all! I think you handled that well. When I was young and "borrowed" my stepmoms makeup and then hid it in my dresser and got caught. My dad threatened to paint prison stripes on my bedroom walls and went as far as installing doorknobs with key locks on every door in the house except mine! I was only 11 and I thought my dad hated me from then on just because I wanted to wear makeup. I would say how he handled things was harsh! But not what you did, I probably would have done the same thing. :huggy:

cattitude · Sep 20, 2006

harleygirl said:
But Pixie your children are still young......I completely see your viewpoint. We are talking teenagers here or young adults, that already have had set values before the other spouse came in the picture. I would never argue with my hubby when he was scolding my teen for something. If I did not agree with him, we would discuss it behing closed doors.

And the dynamics are quite different when you have mine and yours.

virgovictoria · Sep 20, 2006

mainman said:
Maybe it's a white thing?

ah... 'splains everything.

morganj614 · Sep 20, 2006

mainman said:
Maybe it's a white thing?

Sounds like all the leftovers and bad gas waiting to happen.

kwillia · Sep 20, 2006

Larry Gude said:
...if you think she meant to take that money and keep it you said...

Larry, IMO it doesn't matter whether she "meant" any harm. Harm was definately done and to make matters worse, it sounds like she was completely irresponsible since the money didn't get returned in due fashion because she "forgot". She should have been punished "harshly" for this episode.

virgovictoria · Sep 20, 2006

morganj614 said:
Sounds like all the leftovers and bad gas waiting to happen.

Sounds like it'll smell like a colostomy bag! :killingme

Larry Gude · Sep 20, 2006

Thank you...

vraiblonde said:
This was a year ago and Z did give the item back to A, complete and intact.

But now we're discussing my methods of dealing with this situation. And I just wanted to get a second opinion as to whether calling these acts "stealing" and "lying" were harsh or not. I do not think they were, but the counselor (and others who shall remain nameless) do.

...because we were not discussing the words. There was no disagreement, at all, about the words.

pixiegirl · Sep 20, 2006

harleygirl said:
But Pixie your children are still young......I completely see your viewpoint. We are talking teenagers here or young adults, that already have had set values before the other spouse came in the picture. I would never argue with my hubby when he was scolding my teen for something. If I did not agree with him, we would discuss it behing closed doors.

I have a girlfriend that's going through this. Teenage step daughter is a real something else. They live with bio dad and my girlfriend full time. Same rules apply in that house. What mama says goes; period. They have had issues since teen girl came from mom's house where things were much more laxed and dad hasn't been with kids full time in years.

I'm not saying anyone else's way is wrong just I personally couldn't do it.

nomoney · Sep 20, 2006

i took 5$ out of my moms purse once when I was younger just so I could buy her flowers. I got yelled and screamed out and sent to my room :bawl:

Now thats harsh. :bawl:

harleygirl · Sep 20, 2006

cattitude said:
And the dynamics are quite different when you have mine and yours.

Exactly Catt! Now I know who to PM for advice...... :huggy:

virgovictoria · Sep 20, 2006

morganj614 said:
Sounds like all the leftovers and bad gas waiting to happen.

mainman · Sep 20, 2006

virgovictoria said:

Straighten me out

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