Forgiving A Cheater

FemmePrincess

FemmePrincess

New Member
Ok, Well I don't condone cheating in any way.... BUT, You kinda cut off your husbands b***s. If you let mommy tell you that you can't live with your husband, I am sure your husband felt abandoned by you. Nothing worse for a man than thinking he can't take care of his family and be the "head of household". Most married couples
will tell you that the woman takes care of everything but let the man think he does!
Lots of couples don't live together for a period of time, like military. But you chose your mommy over your husband..... Just a thought but maybe this is the reason he found warmth someplace else... You need to understand your husband/spouse is first. Hopefully you will learn this before you get married again.
 
whome20603

whome20603

...
I really feel for you. You've obviously been though A LOT and it doesn't sound like you've really talked to anyone about it. I understand you wanting your marriage to work, but at what expense? I hope you can be strong enough to put you and your daughter's happiness first. Let him see what it's like to live without you, for real live without you (not together but in different homes), and I'm sure he'll realize how good life truely is with you. It will be hard...but you know hard, right?

Good Luck Angel
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
FemmePrincess said:
BUT, You kinda cut off your husbands b***s. If you let mommy tell you that you can't live with your husband, I am sure your husband felt abandoned by you. Nothing worse for a man than thinking he can't take care of his family and be the "head of household".
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Yeah, she cut off his balls by forcing him to drink, do drugs and piss away the rent money.

:rolleyes:

I wish you people would actually read the posts before you respond.
 
lovinmaryland

lovinmaryland

Well-Known Member
cattitude said:
I think you can forgive a person who has an affair/fling..whatever you want to call it. People make mistakes. But once you decide to forgive the person, you cannot constantly throw the mistake in their face. You need to get counseling, individually and then jointly if you truly love each other and want to make the marriage work.

I'm not talking about someone who habitually cheats, but someone who made one mistake. Sometimes things happen in a marriage, communication stops..spouses feel neglected and they can turn elsewhere or find themselves in a situation before they know it. It doesn't make it right but happens.
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:yeahthat:
Excellent post
 
M

mamajo

New Member
Get Out Now

AiryT said:
Yeah that:yeahthat: You could forgive them, but you'd only be delaying the inevitable. If they know they got away with it once, they will always try again, kick them to the curb (JMO)
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It wont get any better, once a cheater always a cheater....I have seen this happen in my family and was once married to one myself....run, dont walk, the the nearest attorney, life can be good once you free yourself from this bs.:whistle:
 
Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
camily said:
Obviously you are not an MPD. I'll fill you in on the details another time. Or you can search old threads. I love my husband and it's worth trying to save your marriage. Especially if you have kids. THEY deserve for you to try your best to save your marriage.
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I'm going to disagree with you on this one. I've seen firsthand what happens when spouses cheat. Why teach your children that it's ok for loved ones to treat you so badly? Why not teach them that you shouldn't let people treat you that way?

I would never take a guy back if he cheated on me. No way. If things are so crappy between us that he felt he needed to find something else, he should have had the balls to tell me that. I hate the, "I'm so sorry, it'll never happen again!" That's bullshiat. If the person REALLY cared about the marriage/relationship, then he/she should have tried to communicate with the spouse first. If that didn't work, then break up or divorce. There's no excuse for cheating, IMO.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Cowgirl said:
I would never take a guy back if he cheated on me.
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I'd take him back if he came to me and confessed. That would tell me it was just a momentary lapse, he's genuinely sorry and wants to make our marriage work. If I had to "catch" him after he'd been having a full-blown affair, that would be the end because I'd never trust him again. Ever.
 
K

KWAK

New Member
FemmePrincess - I've had those thoughts before - they haunt me. But when I get too down about it - I remind myself that there was a reason I didn't fight it. A reason I didn't stand up to her and say that no, you will not ask my husband to leave. Because things weren't good before things got really ugly. And quite frankly, I thought a "break" would help us get things back into perspective - help us fall back in love. I thought, maybe if we missed each other. . . . we'd remember why we ever liked each other in the first place.

No - I never really have talked to anyone about it. In my efforts to hide my life, I isolated myself from all the friends I used to have. In the time he's been gone I slowly started to get a life back - but now that's he back under my roof, I'm already hearing that I've changed - that I'm so unhappy all the time, not the same. . . you get the picture. I walk on eggshells in an effort to not rock the boat. With him now back, I'm constantly wondering why I kept fighting for it!
 
Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
vraiblonde said:
I'd take him back if he came to me and confessed. That would tell me it was just a momentary lapse, he's genuinely sorry and wants to make our marriage work. If I had to "catch" him after he'd been having a full-blown affair, that would be the end because I'd never trust him again. Ever.
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Not me. Now, if he came to me and told me the relationship wasn't working, and he felt neglected and felt the urge to look for someone else, THEN I'd know he really was committed and really did want to make the marriage work.
 
camily

camily

Peace
Cowgirl said:
I'm going to disagree with you on this one. I've seen firsthand what happens when spouses cheat. Why teach your children that it's ok for loved ones to treat you so badly? Why not teach them that you shouldn't let people treat you that way?

I would never take a guy back if he cheated on me. No way. If things are so crappy between us that he felt he needed to find something else, he should have had the balls to tell me that. I hate the, "I'm so sorry, it'll never happen again!" That's bullshiat. If the person REALLY cared about the marriage/relationship, then he/she should have tried to communicate with the spouse first. If that didn't work, then break up or divorce. There's no excuse for cheating, IMO.
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You've never been in the situation.
I teach my children people are human and if you love them it's worth saving. At least trying.
 
Roberta

Roberta

OLD WISE ONE
shygirlmd said:
Yes, there are exceptions but usually it's true. Would you not agree? There has to be something in the marriage/relationship that makes the other person look outside. If the couple can work out their problems, then there's no temptation to look for someone else.
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Not true, most people that cheat ARE happy at home, they just want some on the side too. FACT.
 
Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
camily said:
You've never been in the situation.
I teach my children people are human and if you love them it's worth saving. At least trying.
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I've been indirectly in the situation. My dad cheated on my mom, multiple times....and each time it was the "poor me, I'm so sorry, I won't do it again" excuse. I'm not going to put up with it. :shrug:


But I'm glad you and your husband are happy now. :yay:
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
That's crazy...

Roberta said:
Not true, most people that cheat ARE happy at home, they just want some on the side too. FACT.
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...right there. If I go sleep with some other woman other than my wife and everything is just peachy at home, getting along, communicating, work is fine, getting off on each other in the boudoir, got hobbies do fin stuff together, no effing way.

Men cheat to get something they're not getting at home. Men are too effing lazy to go to the store if there's milk in the fridge.
 
FemmePrincess

FemmePrincess

New Member
HalfAngel said:
FemmePrincess - I've had those thoughts before - they haunt me. But when I get too down about it - I remind myself that there was a reason I didn't fight it. A reason I didn't stand up to her and say that no, you will not ask my husband to leave. Because things weren't good before things got really ugly. And quite frankly, I thought a "break" would help us get things back into perspective - help us fall back in love. I thought, maybe if we missed each other. . . . we'd remember why we ever liked each other in the first place.

No - I never really have talked to anyone about it. In my efforts to hide my life, I isolated myself from all the friends I used to have. In the time he's been gone I slowly started to get a life back - but now that's he back under my roof, I'm already hearing that I've changed - that I'm so unhappy all the time, not the same. . . you get the picture. I walk on eggshells in an effort to not rock the boat. With him now back, I'm constantly wondering why I kept fighting for it!
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Sweetie, if you are truly happier without him... You already know.
Good luck, hope you find happiness. It is out there.... :huggy:
 
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