Ok. Help please!!!

[Baja28]

He always makes me laugh, even when I was crying last night. He tells Minnesota jokes that are really funny. He doesn't get SOMD jokes though. He hasn't been down here yet.

Tell him you know what he means about Minnesota cuz Mainman is from there.

 

[red_explorer]

Have you thought about therapy? My best friend lost her husband in a tragic accident about 17 years ago. She has since remarried but still talks about her deceased husband. She says it's something you never get over, never forget, but you learn to move on and make a life for yourself.

You drank too much, happens to most of us. Call him, be honest. Heck, that's all you can be. You're in uncharted waters and you are going to have good days, bad days, and there will be constant reminders of your husband. First and foremost, you are going to need somebody secure in themselves and somebody who can understand your pain.

Good luck to you.

I did talk to my doctor when everything first went down. He was useless. I spent time talking to my minister and several friends who are counselors, and that helped some. A friend who had recently been through something similar suggested not going to the grief groups at STH because they were hookup places.

 

[Kain99]

Well, I hope he has good luck with that. There is no such thing as a relationship without baggage - everyone comes from somewhere.

True statement but baggage belongs in your pocket. It's your duty to control and hide that mess... Best you can. No one is sticking around with somone who wears baggage on their sleeve.

I'm not playing games, I'm calling a spade a spade.

 

[red_explorer]

That's why I didn't talk alot about my husband. I didn't want to scare someone off. When I was in high school and college, I told everyone everything. I held nothing back. I was trying to be more reserved, and not scare him. Divorce is normal Death at 42 is not normal. People are shocked by it.

 

[Kain99]

That's why I didn't talk alot about my husband. I didn't want to scare someone off. When I was in high school and college, I told everyone everything. I held nothing back. I was trying to be more reserved, and not scare him. Divorce is normal Death at 42 is not normal. People are shocked by it.

I can't even imagine your pain.

 

[red_explorer]

I can't even imagine your pain.

It was pretty awful, but what keeps me going is that even when my husband was sick, he always had a smile on his face, and was always taking care of everyone else. He was the one everyone depended on. And he always wanted me to smile and be happy. He would not want me to be sad. He would want me to go on with my life and be happy. I know this. It's just hard to put into action.

 

[red_explorer]

I did it.

I did call him. I told him that I wasn't sure he would want to talk to me again, after last night. He said he knew I was pretty upset last night, and that he still wants to be friends and not sure what else, but it was said like we will see what develops. That he was out sick all day today, and that he wasn't mad or scared by me. He says he wants to talk more tomorrow when he is feeling better.

 

[vraiblonde]

he still wants to be friends and not sure what else, but it was said like we will see what develops.

There you go

S-L-O-W

No hurry, just see what happens.

 

[vraiblonde]

No one is sticking around with somone who wears baggage on their sleeve.

I disagree. I prefer for someone to wear their baggage on their sleeve so I know what I'm getting and don't find any nasty surprises.

 

[red_explorer]

There you go

S-L-O-W

No hurry, just see what happens.

Thank you for the support. I am thinking it is good. That way I can get used to things too. And he and I both have a lot on our plates.

 

[Kain99]

I disagree. I prefer for someone to wear their baggage on their sleeve so I know what I'm getting and don't find any nasty surprises.

Sorry Vrai, I am completely against this at start up.

 

[Pandora]

True statement but baggage belongs in your pocket. It's your duty to control and hide that mess... Best you can. No one is sticking around with somone who wears baggage on their sleeve.

I'm not playing games, I'm calling a spade a spade.

The person she is talking about is dead. I don't think this is a problem for her to express that as long as there is equal amounts invested in the emotional bank of the relationship. Why play games? :shrug:

 

[red_explorer]

The person she is talking about is dead. I don't think this is a problem for her to express that as long as there is equal amounts invested in the emotional bank of the relationship. Why play games? :shrug:

I do really well holding it in most of the time. Just sometimes something triggers it, and I can't always stop it. I have gotten better though. This time last year, I was crying all the time, as well as having panic attacks a lot. Couldn't get help from my doctor, but I could get relaxers for my cat's anxiety. I guess she was more important.

 

[Kain99]

The person she is talking about is dead. I don't think this is a problem for her to express that as long as there is equal amounts invested in the emotional bank of the relationship. Why play games? :shrug:

Because there is no emotional bank yet! Holy Crapola!

 

[Pandora]

Because there is no emotional bank yet! Holy Crapola!

Somebody has to start making deposits.

Red, Life does go on whether you like it or not and you just live with that, as you already know. It is ok to be happy again.

 

[red_explorer]

Thank you. I am trying to move forward but it's baby steps.

 

[godsbutterfly]

Thank you. I am trying to move forward but it's baby steps.

Baby Steps work better than running and jumping head first into something. Every long lasting relationship needs to start with friendship so you have nothing to lose with making this guy your good friend. If things go no further and it was not meant to be you will have lost nothing and will have gained a good friend! Win -Win!

 

[aps45819]

Personally, I don't dig the games some of the other posters are encouraging.

I did call him. he was out sick all day today, and that he wasn't mad or scared by me. He says he wants to talk more tomorrow when he is feeling better.

So the guy had a shot of Nyquil and slept all day.
My guess would have been he was otherwise occupied and your behavior the night before was not a factor

 

[BuddyLee]

Call him and thank him for being supportive while you were having your meltdown. He sounds like a nice guy.

Also, I know it can be hard but try not to be too obsessed with the fella. That can be a turnoff to some guys.

 

[aps45819]

Also, I know it can be hard but try not to be too obsessed with the fella. That can be a turnoff to some guys.

also known as a Klingon