SMO: Giving men Ultimatums...

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bresamil

wandering aimlessly
vraiblonde said:
Bres, even deciding to BE in a relationship involves an ultimatum - some things are just non-negotiable. "If you abuse drugs, I will not get involved with you." "If you continue to see other women, I will not see you myself."

I like an ultimatum and would have appreciated it if more of the guys I dated had been honest enough to issue one instead of dicking around. "If you continue to smoke, I will move on" instead of "Oh no, honey - smoking doesn't bother me *cough cough*"

Ultimatums say there will be consequences for your actions and behavior. Then it's up to the issuee whether they will accept those terms or not.
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Now I don't see those as ultimatums. Those are just conditions you set for yourself in choosing someone. If I go out with someone and find out they are a drug user, then I don't go out with them again. If I go out with someone and find out they're an alcoholic, I don't go out with them again. If I go out with someone and they aren't seeing me exclusively it means that they DON'T WANT to see me exclusively - their choice - and if it tells me that although I may be interested in furthering the relationship, they aren't so I don't go out with them again. I'm way past the point of "saving" or "changing" people.

Normally things such as drug and alcohol addiction, casual vs monogamous sex, and other important items come up in conversation in the first few dates. I'm pretty clear on where I stand in those conversations and its up to the guy to decide. And I don't pursue. Either they want in or they don't.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Bres, give me an example of what you would consider an ultimatum. Maybe we're talking about different things here.
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
vraiblonde said:
Bres, give me an example of what you would consider an ultimatum. Maybe we're talking about different things here.
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I have made it known that there will be no dead animal heads hanging in my house... EVER. Should I come home and find Bambi starring at me with glossy marble eyes, Bambi and hubbie's stuff will be out the door immediately. This was a known "mandate" prior to the wedding, and has been a once a year verbal reminder everytime deer fever kicks in. I consider that a "verbal pre nup" rather than an ultimatium, wouldn't you...:shrug:
 
migtig

migtig

aka Mrs. Giant
My ex gave me an ultimatum.
He said, "It's time for you to commit to me or I need to move on."
I said, "Okay then we can move in together."
He said, "No, that's no good enough. I want you to marry me in a church so you will always feel committed to me. I know you well enough to know that you either marry me or I need to go forward with my life without you in it."
Darned if he wasn't right. After much thought and pleading for an extended engagement period (which I didn't get) we got married in a church. I still feel committed to him, and even after an amicable divorce, he still asks me to reconsider marrying him again. :lol:

Some people need ultimatums so they can realize how valuable the person in front of them really is. Sorry to say, there are tons of people like me out there who just don't see what's in front of them. :shrug:
 
B

bresamil

wandering aimlessly
vraiblonde said:
Bres, give me an example of what you would consider an ultimatum. Maybe we're talking about different things here.
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Telling someone they must do something within a deadline or else there will be consequences.
The example would be the initial item discussed. Girl tells longstanding boyfriend to make his intentions known by Christmas - ring she stays, no ring she goes.
 
cattitude

cattitude

My Sweetest Boy
kwillia said:
I have made it known that there will be no dead animal heads hanging in my house... EVER. Should I come home and find Bambi starring at me with glossy marble eyes, Bambi and hubbie's stuff will be out the door immediately. This was a known "mandate" prior to the wedding, and has been a once a year verbal reminder everytime deer fever kicks in. I consider that a "verbal pre nup" rather than an ultimatium, wouldn't you...:shrug:
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Bambi was in da house Saturday. You just didn't know it. :lol:
 
B

bresamil

wandering aimlessly
BadGirl said:
Bre is holding out for a date with Moon or Chap. :yum: Right, Bre?
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Ahhh good times, good times. Glad it didn't work out though....with both of them the things that charm you in the beginning would drive you nuts in the end. :lmao:
 
mainman

mainman

Set Trippin
migtig said:
My ex gave me an ultimatum.
He said, "It's time for you to commit to me or I need to move on."
I said, "Okay then we can move in together."
He said, "No, that's no good enough. I want you to marry me in a church so you will always feel committed to me. I know you well enough to know that you either marry me or I need to go forward with my life without you in it."
Darned if he wasn't right. After much thought and pleading for an extended engagement period (which I didn't get) we got married in a church. I still feel committed to him, and even after an amicable divorce, he still asks me to reconsider marrying him again. :lol:

Some people need ultimatums so they can realize how valuable the person in front of them really is. Sorry to say, there are tons of people like me out there who just don't see what's in front of them. :shrug:
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...but was this a hypothetical situation? :confused:
 
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