C
czygvtwkr
Guest
Cut your old man off from sex and tell him why, should solve your problem
Step-Parenting
- Thread starter charlesctygal
- Start date
It's NOT too late! And I would NOT even contemplate divorce. You do have a long road a head of you. Our 26 y/o daughter and her new husband are going through this as well with her child from her first marriage. When the child is with mom and new husband, a majority of the time his behavior is unacceptable. This is mainly after he has visits with his Dad and his GF. Her husband does not physically discipline my grandson. However, he does discipline in other ways. And I think that is perfectly fine. After all, he is the adult, and our 7 y/o grandson is the child. There has to be some boundaries to lay down for a child.
The step dad takes things away for a certain amount of time, when our grandson is not behaving. Tv time, computer, games, etc. These are the things that our grandson likes to do. He does not get spanked. And sometimes I think that he knows that when he is not behaving, that he will only get things taken away. So what does one do? This is also a problem with our daughter and her husband. It does cause a lot of stress. But there will be even more stress unless your husband understands that you also have to have a hand in disciplining this child. You are helping to raise the child. So why shouldn't you also be able to correct the child when the child is wrong?
The child will not learn to respect you, if your husband allows the child to walk all over you.
Like I said, this is going to be a long road for you. So you and your husband need to sit down and try to work out some solution. Giving in to a child all of the time is not necessarily spoiling them. It's more like pacifying them, because sometimes it seems easier to do than disciplining them. That's when a lot of children learn that they can get over on their parents.
Although true as it may be that some children need a good old fashion spanking like most of us had when we were raised by our parents, there is just too much controversy about spanking a child. It's considered physical punishment. So many kids have it so easy these days! They just don't know how lucky they are.
Cowgirl
Well-Known Member
You know it is possible to raise nice, well-behaved children without spanking, right?
Of course. It also depends on the way a child is brought up. No child should do whatever they please in life though. Wouldn't you agree? There still has to be boundaries set, and there has to be discipline. Some parents choose to spank their children. That's up to them. I don't condemn them for it. There is a difference between spanking a child, and beating on a child. But I do not feel that spanking a child should be the first resort.
Cowgirl
Well-Known Member
Yes, I agree that children need rules and boundaries. I was simply stating that spanking was not the only way to raise nice kids.
I feel like the only one who has actually read this woman's posts.
godsbutterfly
Free to Fly
I would think so. That is not acting in the best interest of the child and could be considered causing the child emotional harm. I'd talk to a lawyer.
beerlover
New Member
I think leaving is the only rational choice. It is going to be a minimum of 14 years living like this and being overruled on all sides. You will have no respect from anyone in the family. The kid will continue to do what he wants and it will get MUCH WORSE. If you are having a hard time dealing with an unruly 4.5 year old, imagine the same kid at 14. And by that time you'll have had kids of your own with this guy and they will have to deal with a broken home and all the same issues that contributed to this. Suck it up and leave. You only live once and you owe it to yourself to be in a family situation where you will be respected and loved. It sounds like you are just there to vacuum and cook and clean up after the "real family" as it is. Two people have to be on the same page to raise a kid. It takes teamwork. Every time you try to insert your parenting into this situation, it will make the kid scream and then the dad will take the defensive against you, driving a wedge into your marriage. It is destined to fail.
covedweller
New Member
beat his ass
SouthernMdRocks
R.I.P. Bobo, We miss you!
What can be worse and believe me is,,your's, mine and ours!!! If your hubby is not trying to work this out now,,, my advice is BOLT!!
I have read so many of the posts here relating to this womans problem. What I don't understand is how so many people could just tell her to leave? That may help the situation. But have we even asked her if she truly loves her husband? Does he truly love her? Is there another way that they can work this out as a family, instead of the child just seeing another failed relationship in his/her life? It's easy to tell someone to leave in a certain situation when we are not walking in their shoes. I feel that too many relationships just give up before even trying to find a solution. There is help out there. But the whole family has to work together on this. Not just one person. When a child is involved, whether a step child or a biological child, someone gets hurts in an ended relationship. There has got to be another alternative for this woman other than leaving.
SouthernMdRocks
R.I.P. Bobo, We miss you!
Uhm, perhaps most of these womens comments are from those who have walked in like shoes...I've been there, dealt with it and would not have done it again. We have 5 children all together and sometimes I have to wonder if staying was better for the children or if leaving would have been better....
We have walked in similar shoes as well. But thank God, that my husband and I chose to stay together and worked it out. No one says that it would be easy. Sometimes the relationship suffers, and there is a break up. If that's the only alternative, then they have to do what's best for everyone. I just hate to see a 4.5 y/o child go through another broken relationship.
mAlice
professional daydreamer
You can't expect the woman to stay in this kind of relationship for the sake of a child that does not belong to her, and never will belong to her.
I do agree with you to a certain extent. If it's that bad, and she feels that the only way she will have peace is to leave, then that's up to her. But there will be someone who gets hurt. And even though this child acts all tough and rebellious, as well as disrespectful, we're still talking about a small child. And even though the child is not her own blood, should that be a reason to make it easier to walk away?
mAlice
professional daydreamer
No. What should make it easier is that she will get no help from the childs immediate family.
SouthernMdRocks
R.I.P. Bobo, We miss you!
It's sad but so is it sad for a child to be in a fighting environment.
You're right! She probably won't. It's sad all of the way around.