Worst ex-spouse ever?

[Bann]

I may bow out of this as I do not want it to go hostile.

I was merely trying to state that, although there are no provisions for an NCP to receive compensation from the CP when they have the children for an extended period of time, there is NO argument that can be made to justify why this is.

At least one that could NOT equally apply to the NCP.

The way it worked for us in FL at the time we got divorced:

He made a certain amount of money. I made a certain amount of money. TOGETHER - our income was $xxxxxx.xx So the court decided that HE made 58% of that total and I made 42% of that. The court then deducted for a certain number of things from each parent (the amount one pd the health insurance, for example or the amount the other parent pd for dental care, etc.) THAT total was the one we based the child support on. So, for instance: (not real figures, just an example)

Let's say the Court determined for our family, the standard of EACH child's living for a month should be $1100. Father paid 58% of that total ($638.00) and I paid 42% of that total. ($462.00) This was fair because HE made more money than I did. (Still does.) He paid me, because I was the Primary custodial parent. Anyway, the object was not to make money off of him, but to keep the children's standard of living the same - which it did. He looks at it like I was screwing him, but I wasn't. MY income was raised up in order to support the kids (3 people) and his was equal to mine (after it was raised up) how is that unfair?

As for the visitation, we had a liberal one, because he agreed (in the marital agreement) AND the court ruled that I could move with the kids up to Maryland so I could work for a friend's company. I lived in this area for 20 years before marrying and moving. He could have moved up here & gotten a job with a contractor, but chose not to. He saw them either Easter or Christmas and took them for a part of the summer for a couple of years. He quit seeing the kids very much after a couple of years - basically, when I stopped offering to pay half their way, to make it easier on him. Mind you, he was the one bringing in a full time income + military retirement pay + a VA pension (tax free pay). I was entitled to, but didn't take - half of his military retirement pay, because I was not trying to screw him for everything. He also had a government job with quite a bit of sick leave & annual leave - something I did NOT have. (I had a job with a small company where I worked 6 hrs a day for full time pay, but only 7 days of paid leave a year + holidays.)

At the time of the divorce I also gave him too much credit and didn't go through the state to have the CS sent to me. Over the years, he has played several child support games. The most interesting one was forcing me to take him to court to force him to pay adult disabled child support for our 22yo disabled son. I guess he figured that Thing1 ceased to eat or require any support once he turned 21. (for the record, he interpreted the divorce decree as stating CS ends at 21 but forgot to read the subsequent paragraph which stated we would be responsible for Thing1 50/50 after he turned 21)

It's much more involved than that, and my close friends know what a jerk & a-hole he is. But yeah - I basically raise them alone, without any family in the area and they haven't gone to his house formally in 2 years. And this was on top of my mother actually living in my house with me as HER primary caretaker for 6 months. Scumbag really doesn't begin to describe...

 

[vraiblonde]

Instead of everyone talking about how great they are and what a douche their ex is, it's nice to see someone come on and out themselves as the douche and the reason they don't get along with their ex.

 

[afjess1989]

Send them to WR. We know how much she loves random roosters and all.

Chickens are decent people! How dare you! Sending them off to the nut house!!!

 

[afjess1989]

So anyway here's my story... My ex isnt sdouche and I have a really good relationship with him but his new girlfriend is a paranoid psycho freak!!! She would check his phone while he was sleeping to see if he called or texted me then she figured out his password to his cell phone bill online and would check there to. He was the one who wanted to stay friends with me and I have no problem with it. But crazy bitch needs to go.

 

[afjess1989]

Have you ever heard that saying; takes one to know one?

And what do you mean by that? Care to Elaborate? I never went through my SOs phone nor his personal bills! That's just going to far. And if he wanted I be friends she needed to respect that, there are no feelings but friendship between us and she needs to learn to trust him, with no trust there is no relationship.

 

[mamatutu]

And what do you mean by that? Care to Elaborate? I never went through my SOs phone nor his personal bills! That's just going to far. And if he wanted I be friends she needed to respect that, there are no feelings but friendship between us and she needs to learn to trust him, with no trust there is no relationship.

Thank you, I would care to elaborate. #1 you are not making sense, because you are not over this guy. #2 why are you keeping ties with your ex; are there children involved? #3 why are you calling her a psycho bitch and she has to go? Are you having problems with being the ex?; you have no ties to him now, unless there are children. What you posted is contradictory. I have said here, before, it takes a different time frame to let go; depending on the person. I am old, but wise, and have experienced all this crap. It took me what seemed like an eternity to get it, but I finally did. Let it go, and be happy and thrive.

Is that really fair? Do you expect the new SO to accept you as a friend to her SO? I would assume she is newly madly in love with him, as you were/are, before it all went bad; is her name Kimmie? Would you like the one that came before you to be best friends with your current SO? Think about that. It makes me think of the movie, 'My Best Friend's Wedding' You would play Julia Roberts, and we would all love you at the end because you would finally get it.

 

[sockgirl77]

Thank you, I would care to elaborate. #1 you are not making sense, because you are not over this guy. #2 why are you keeping ties with your ex; are there children involved? #3 why are you calling her a psycho bitch and she has to go? Are you having problems with being the ex?; you have no ties to him now, unless there are children. What you posted is contradictory. I have said here, before, it takes a different time frame to let go; depending on the person. I am old, but wise, and have experienced all this crap. It took me what seemed like an eternity to get it, but I finally did. Let it go, and be happy and thrive.

Is that really fair? Do you expect the new SO to accept you as a friend to her SO? I would assume she is newly madly in love with him, as you were/are, before it all went bad; is her name Kimmie? Would you like the one that came before you to be best friends with your current SO? Think about that. It makes me think of the movie, 'My Best Friend's Wedding' You would play Julia Roberts, and we would all love you at the end because you would finally get it.

 

[ZARA]

I hope that includes the gas from driving the little turds around every Day which is something the NCP does not have to deal with.

This is a really sore subject with me. I'll never get the child support that I'm owed. POS is now 11 months in the arrears and the state doesn't GAFF because I'm not on welfare.

NCPs have NO clue exactly how much it costs to raise a child. NO clue.

You and I both know it does not include gas, car maintenance & upkeep, a child's portion of rent so the child has their own bedroom, their portion of utilities, etc. And the clothing allowance of 400 per year- I call BS. Hell, my son goes through four pairs of shoes in a year. And clothes- omg when he hit his growth spurt..all I can say is that I am thankful I keep money in my savings account.

Before I moved here my son's dad was 3 yrs in the rears. I had handed to the case over to the AG (Attorney General in Texas) and let them handle it because I didn't want to add stress to my life with another battle.

Jason (my ex) is a GREAT dad (once he finally got rid of crazy bitch #2) and because he was such a good dad (loving, supportive, spending time with our son when he wasn't in school) and active part of our son's life, I didn't press the issue of child support. **Karma is a bitch and crazy bitch #2 put him through the ringer…justice for the hell he put me through. He is lucky I don’t carry a grudge.** During those yrs his dad was in bad shape financially but he was going to college to better his life and I was (still am) very proud of him.

For me, it was worth it (not pressing child support) because I was providing my son with something I never had, a loving and supportive Dad (I really do live vicariously through my son). The emotional gain was worth way more than the monetary losses. But I could afford (financially) to let the support slide. That’s the difference. There was a short period in my life when I NEEDED that extra income and I have to give him credit, he stepped up and met his responsibilities and he finally got caught up. Now he has graduated, is employed, and pays on time every month.

Each scenario is different.

The State of Maryland is NASTY when it comes to hunting deadbeats down. And if you really want that money, go apply for all the aid there is. Now, here is the kicker- you will be denied BUT one of the applications you must fill out is concerning child support. You take every single piece of info you have on the ex. Address where he lives, works, phone numbers, parents addresses, phone numbers, birth certificates, SSN cards, divorce papers with child support decree, EVERYTHING.

Fill out that form and once it is processed the State of Maryland becomes a Junk Yard Dog. The trick is that you have to apply for everything available though…which means wasting a day of your life in an overcrowded building that you will never get back.

The State of Maryland will confiscate his Tax Returns directly from the IRS and after 6 months of holding it, they will send it directly to you. And they will repeat this process every year. It’s like a windfall from heaven…lol

 

[sockgirl77]

You and I both know it does not include gas, car maintenance & upkeep, a child's portion of rent so the child has their own bedroom, their portion of utilities, etc. And the clothing allowance of 400 per year- I call BS. Hell, my son goes through four pairs of shoes in a year. And clothes- omg when he hit his growth spurt..all I can say is that I am thankful I keep money in my savings account.

Before I moved here my son's dad was 3 yrs in the rears. I had handed to the case over to the AG (Attorney General in Texas) and let them handle it because I didn't want to add stress to my life with another battle.

Jason (my ex) is a GREAT dad (once he finally got rid of crazy bitch #2) and because he was such a good dad (loving, supportive, spending time with our son when he wasn't in school) and active part of our son's life, I didn't press the issue of child support. **Karma is a bitch and crazy bitch #2 put him through the ringer…justice for the hell he put me through. He is lucky I don’t carry a grudge.** During those yrs his dad was in bad shape financially but he was going to college to better his life and I was (still am) very proud of him.

For me, it was worth it (not pressing child support) because I was providing my son with something I never had, a loving and supportive Dad (I really do live vicariously through my son). The emotional gain was worth way more than the monetary losses. But I could afford (financially) to let the support slide. That’s the difference. There was a short period in my life when I NEEDED that extra income and I have to give him credit, he stepped up and met his responsibilities and he finally got caught up. Now he has graduated, is employed, and pays on time every month.

Each scenario is different.

The State of Maryland is NASTY when it comes to hunting deadbeats down. And if you really want that money, go apply for all the aid there is. Now, here is the kicker- you will be denied BUT one of the applications you must fill out is concerning child support. You take every single piece of info you have on the ex. Address where he lives, works, phone numbers, parents addresses, phone numbers, birth certificates, SSN cards, divorce papers with child support decree, EVERYTHING.

Fill out that form and once it is processed the State of Maryland becomes a Junk Yard Dog. The trick is that you have to apply for everything available though…which means wasting a day of your life in an overcrowded building that you will never get back.

The State of Maryland will confiscate his Tax Returns directly from the IRS and after 6 months of holding it, they will send it directly to you. And they will repeat this process every year. It’s like a windfall from heaven…lol

The State has all of that info. He'd have to hold down a job to intercept and taxes or wages. I've fought this battle for almost 9 years.

 

[afjess1989]

 

[sockgirl77]

 

[ZARA]

The State has all of that info. He'd have to hold down a job to intercept and taxes or wages. I've fought this battle for almost 9 years.

But did the State get the info because you applied for aid? THATS the difference. The information goes into a priority file that has a timer on it and it is kicked up for follow up every 30 days. It doesn't matter if he has a job or not, the State will prosecute him anyways to get the money.

The State does not want to pay someone aid so they will use their resources to get money every where else. But if a person does not apply for all the aid, the child support documentation does not go into a priority file.

This is how you work the system.

 

[Vince]

I could tell stories.........

So could I.

Me too, but I won't. It just doesn't matter anymore.

 

[AnthonyJames]

Me too, but I won't. It just doesn't matter anymore.

Best post of this thread.

 

[JeJeTe]

My ex and I split our son's time 50%. We also agreed that we would split all expenses and don't pay each other child support.

I get along great with him and his new wife.

I think taking the money aspect out of it and both being involved parents who put the kid first helps. Too many time people want to use the kid as a pawn and the only person it hurts is the kid.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

Me too, but I won't. It just doesn't matter anymore.

And there ya' go. Although, I will add that the little support I do receive goes directly to my daughter, who is 16. She has a debit card and funds get deposited electronically whenever her dad makes a payment. She can use the money in any fashion she wants.

I still continue to pay her for her cell, her vehicle, her schooling, medical, etc.

It works for us.

 

[Pete]

And there ya' go. Although, I will add that the little support I do receive goes directly to my daughter, who is 16. She has a debit card and funds get deposited electronically whenever her dad makes a payment. She can use the money in any fashion she wants.

I still continue to pay her for her cell, her vehicle, her schooling, medical, etc.

It works for us.

Good idea.

 

[vraiblonde]

My ex and I split our son's time 50%. We also agreed that we would split all expenses and don't pay each other child support.

I get along great with him and his new wife.

I think taking the money aspect out of it and both being involved parents who put the kid first helps. Too many time people want to use the kid as a pawn and the only person it hurts is the kid.

This, to me, is the best solution if it's possible. A friend of mine and my daughter do that with their exes and, while they still have annoyances, it's not the Rumble in the Jungle you see with other situations.

You have to be willing to compromise and not be unreasonable. And it helps if nobody takes on a new sweetie who wants to be an ass.

 

[JeJeTe]

This, to me, is the best solution if it's possible. A friend of mine and my daughter do that with their exes and, while they still have annoyances, it's not the Rumble in the Jungle you see with other situations.

You have to be willing to compromise and not be unreasonable. And it helps if nobody takes on a new sweetie who wants to be an ass.

Completely agree. We lived within 20 mins of each other so there is no reason why his dad can't be involved 50% and his dad wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, there are still annoyances and awkwardness but you suck them up because you realize that you don't want to throw off the overall good balance of the situation.

His new wife is great and I couldn't ask for a better stepmom for my son. I couldn't date someone who brought drama in that relationship and I trusted him to not bring someone in like that.

 

[Hank]

No chit!