Worst ex-spouse ever?

[SoMDGirl42]

OK... but what about the other side of the coin?

I guess the working non-custodial parent is just screwed for daycare and or other means of taking care of the children while he/she is working.

I just think it should be fair all around. If it's good enough for the goose....

I would be willing to stop child support if he:

1. had the child 50/50
2. supported the child 50/50

As it is, he doesn't. A few hours a month, in my house. That's it.

When my two older kids were younger, their father moved to FL. He took the kids for 3 weeks in the summer (but he did go 2.5 years without a visit). That did not compare to me having them 24/7 for 49 weeks. I did not reduce the child support. Maybe, maybe, maybe if he had them for 3 months I would have considered it. But not for 3 weeks.

When my son was 15, he wanted to live with his father. I allowed him to go without going through the courts and changing our custody agreement. I went to child support office the day he left and put our child support "on hold" just in case he decided to come back. We agreed to do this to save ourselves from lawyer fees etc. It worked out for us this way. In return, he agreed to not charge me child support because he made 4x the money I did, was remarried with two incomes and his military retirement. Thankfully, they are now 26 and 24. They are both living in Maryland. We survived

 

[Bann]

Our situation has never been equal. I agreed in our mediation (required under FL law) to an open and very liberal visitation - not the one dictated in our jurisdiction for "over 400 miles". I did this to be fair to him in consideration of his time, and his financial issues. He made promises about visitation. But it means nothing. Even Court ordered visitation in not enforced. It's only enforced if I don't make them available to him.

Doesn't matter - I will still do what's right by my kids. Thing2 just gave up a chance to go see his dad recently because of a school-related activity he *could* have gotten out of. He didn't want to. He also doesn't care abt seeing him in the summer as he'd rather work and participate in summer activities.

Dad gets FB pictures & phone calls. I get the real thing. Sure, it's the good, the bad & the ugly. But the good does outweigh the other. Most of the time.

 

[havingfun]

Actually it's not so bad.

I am too lazy to put out the effort to find a new one! I couldn't imagine starting over again. Luckily, at the moment we have no issues. But I gotta tell you, the comment about menopause scared me!

We celebrate 14 years tomorrow:

 

[SG_Player1974]

OK... lets simplify this....

Thinking about 2 people WHO ARE NOT YOU OR YOUR EX....

Dollar amounts dont matter for this exercise...

CP has child for 10 months of the year. NCP has child for other 2.

NO one is late with payments and all is good.

Question:

Why should NCP have to keep paying support to CP while they have the child for those 2 months AND why doesn't the CP have to pay some form of support to the NCP for those 2 months?

The NCP has ALL of the same concerns and responsibilities to the child that the CP does just for a shorter period of time.

I am still awaiting a reasonable, non-subjective, non-this is how I see it because my ex is a douche.... ANSWER

 

[vraiblonde]

I am still awaiting a reasonable, non-subjective, non-this is how I see it because my ex is a douche.... ANSWER

Questions:

Do you have your kids for two months straight?
Is this in the summer or during the school year?
Has it always been like this or is it something new?
Is it ongoing, or just current circumstances?
What did you negotiate in your divorce and child support settlement?

 

[Merlin99]

I am too lazy to put out the effort to find a new one! I couldn't imagine starting over again. Luckily, at the moment we have no issues. But I gotta tell you, the comment about menopause scared me!

We celebrate 14 years tomorrow:

The menopausal thing sucks, it's worse on your marriage than bad finances.

 

[Bann]

Questions:

Do you have your kids for two months straight?
Is this in the summer or during the school year?
Has it always been like this or is it something new?
Is it ongoing, or just current circumstances?
What did you negotiate in your divorce and child support settlement?

 

[xobxdoc]

OK... lets simplify this....

Thinking about 2 people WHO ARE NOT YOU OR YOUR EX....

Dollar amounts dont matter for this exercise...

CP has child for 10 months of the year. NCP has child for other 2.

NO one is late with payments and all is good.

Question:

Why should NCP have to keep paying support to CP while they have the child for those 2 months AND why doesn't the CP have to pay some form of support to the NCP for those 2 months

The NCP has ALL of the same concerns and responsibilities to the child that the CP does just for a shorter period of time.

I am still awaiting a reasonable, non-subjective, non-this is how I see it because my ex is a douche.... ANSWER

The amount of time the child spends with each parent is factored into the monthly payment the NCP is responsible for.

 

[acommondisaster]

OK... lets simplify this....

Thinking about 2 people WHO ARE NOT YOU OR YOUR EX....

Dollar amounts dont matter for this exercise...

CP has child for 10 months of the year. NCP has child for other 2.

NO one is late with payments and all is good.

Question:

Why should NCP have to keep paying support to CP while they have the child for those 2 months AND why doesn't the CP have to pay some form of support to the NCP for those 2 months?

The NCP has ALL of the same concerns and responsibilities to the child that the CP does just for a shorter period of time.

I am still awaiting a reasonable, non-subjective, non-this is how I see it because my ex is a douche.... ANSWER

Because child support is for food, shelter and clothing, right? The ex has toprovide the sort of living arrangements that are appropriate for the child/ren for 5/6ths of the year. A permanent living arrangement is probably more involved than what's necessary for a 2 month visit. You'll hear most kids say they live with their mom and visit their dad. (or vice versa) Did they arrive at your place wearing clothes? Did they have a suitcase packed? I guess if you wanted to split hairs, you should get a discount on the 1/6th of the year they're with you for the food, but really, what average NCP truly pays half of all of the child's expenses?

 

[luvmygdaughters]

IMHO, alot of trouble is started by the new "SO". I think he/she may feel threatened by the fact that the ex's have a good relationship.

 

[vraiblonde]

IMHO, alot of trouble is started by the new "SO". I think he/she may feel threatened by the fact that the ex's have a good relationship.

Which is interesting because you'd think he/she would be more forward-thinking for when he/she is the ex.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

OK... lets simplify this....

Thinking about 2 people WHO ARE NOT YOU OR YOUR EX....

Dollar amounts dont matter for this exercise...

CP has child for 10 months of the year. NCP has child for other 2.

NO one is late with payments and all is good.

Question:

Why should NCP have to keep paying support to CP while they have the child for those 2 months AND why doesn't the CP have to pay some form of support to the NCP for those 2 months?

The NCP has ALL of the same concerns and responsibilities to the child that the CP does just for a shorter period of time.

I am still awaiting a reasonable, non-subjective, non-this is how I see it because my ex is a douche.... ANSWER

This is the way I see it. Most NCP have the kid/kids every weekend, or every other weekend. That is 2 days per weekend. That equals either 104 days (for every weekend) or 52 days for every other weekend.

If the non custodial parent ONLY has the kids for 2 months straight during the summer, that is 56 days at 8 weeks times 7 days a week.

As far as my calculations go, you only have the kid/kids the same amount of time a "typical" NCP has the kid/kids per year.

So, no. I would not pay you to keep the kids for 8 weeks straight, if that is the ONLY time during the entire year you have them.

IF you have them 8 weeks straight, and every other weekend, I think you need to modify child support to reflect that. If the NCP has the child/children X amount of days per year (about equal to what the CP has them) then your child support is less than what a NCP would pay for only having them a few days a year.

 

[havingfun]

The menopausal thing sucks, it's worse on your marriage than bad finances.

Great! Something else to look forward to.

 

[ZARA]

Because child support is for food, shelter and clothing, right? The ex has toprovide the sort of living arrangements that are appropriate for the child/ren for 5/6ths of the year. A permanent living arrangement is probably more involved than what's necessary for a 2 month visit. You'll hear most kids say they live with their mom and visit their dad. (or vice versa) Did they arrive at your place wearing clothes? Did they have a suitcase packed? I guess if you wanted to split hairs, you should get a discount on the 1/6th of the year they're with you for the food, but really, what average NCP truly pays half of all of the child's expenses?

Don't forget...NCP do not have to provide a bedroom (and some do not) for their child. SOME children have to sleep in the office-living room-family room etc on an air matress, cot, or pull out couch when they are with the NCP.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

This is the way I see it. Most NCP have the kid/kids every weekend, or every other weekend. That is 2 days per weekend. That equals either 104 days (for every weekend) or 52 days for every other weekend.

If the non custodial parent ONLY has the kids for 2 months straight during the summer, that is 56 days at 8 weeks times 7 days a week.

As far as my calculations go, you only have the kid/kids the same amount of time a "typical" NCP has the kid/kids per year.

So, no. I would not pay you to keep the kids for 8 weeks straight, if that is the ONLY time during the entire year you have them.

IF you have them 8 weeks straight, and every other weekend, I think you need to modify child support to reflect that. If the NCP has the child/children X amount of days per year (about equal to what the CP has them) then your child support is less than what a NCP would pay for only having them a few days a year.

SG, you have not answered the question. Do you ONLY have the kid/kids for 8 weeks of the year (56 days)??

 

[Bann]

Don't forget...NCP do not have to provide a bedroom (and some do not) for their child. SOME children have to sleep in the office-living room-family room etc on an air matress, cot, or pull out couch when they are with the NCP.

My ex has lived in the same little ONE bdrm apt since 2005. The Things have to share a pull out sofa OR take turns sleeping on the floor

 

[GWguy]

My ex has lived in the same little ONE bdrm apt since 2005. The Things have to share a pull out sofa OR take turns sleeping on the floor

Well, THAT has to suck for the kids.

 

[sockgirl77]

My ex has lived in the same little ONE bdrm apt since 2005. The Things have to share a pull out sofa OR take turns sleeping on the floor

Sounds like my ex's friend (though I know it's not). He gets his twin boys every summer. He lives in a rinky-dink apartment and the boys sleep on the living room floor the entire time. Him, his wife, and their son have lived in an one bedroom apartment above a garage for a few years with no ambition of upgrading. He makes barely over minimum wage and she doesn't work.

 

[PRIVATEYE]

Which is interesting because you'd think he/she would be more forward-thinking for when he/she is the ex.

 

[SG_Player1974]

Questions:

Do you have your kids for two months straight?

I have both of my children for 6-8 weeks during the summer AND I have them every other weekend, father's day weekend, and alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas'.

Is this in the summer or during the school year?

Summer mostly but, every other weekend during school year.

Has it always been like this or is it something new?

Always!!!
Is it ongoing, or just current circumstances?

Ongoing

What did you negotiate in your divorce and child support settlement?

Was really no negotiating when it came to support. The state (not Maryland) takes into account the NCPs salary and has formulas depending on the number and age of the children. What I pay is what I am told to pay. I can ONLY renegotiate if I have a severe drop in pay or hardship case.

As for the CP having to provide living conditions.... I dont know how they do it here in Maryland but, the state my divorce was granted in required the NCP to maintain a residence that can accommidate all of the children reasonably and comfortably. So NO... I cannot live in a 1BR crap hole and call it good.

As for support.... I DO NOT have to pay my ex for the 6-8 weeks that I have the children unlike some of the people on here have said that they do receive payments during this time. I also DO NOT receive any kind of "reverse support" from my ex when the children are here.

Hence my question about a reasonable, subjective answer to why this is

I honestly CANNOT BELIEVE that NCPs have to continue paying during summer visits. That is RIDICULOUS