Ladies: Your on a date, the check comes...

[meangirl]

It's more of a security issue than anything. I called, explained that I was out Christmas shopping and didn't have any other worries. Maybe BOA doesn't do this anymore as it hasn't happened to me in a while. They must know I'm a shopaholic and it's not someone hijacking my card.

The same thing happened to me. I called and they explained the security issue to me. It hasn't happened since either.

 

[mAlice]

I'd pay for the meal and see if he offers to pay me back or asks for a do-over, and play it by ear after that.

 

[Pete]

Recently NFCU got word a retailer had possibly compromised credit card numbers so they suspended a bunch of accounts and reissued new cards. I didn't know until I was at the checkout at Lowes and my card was declined and I still had $9K credit limit left.

 

[Otter]

I'd pay for the meal and see if he offers to pay me back or asks for a do-over, and play it by ear after that.

Exactly, you can't help the alarms going off, but you can't assume the worst.

 

[LordStanley]

He was a cling-on.

So you gave him the Let me breath, give me space speech. That must have made for a awkward lunch....

I have to be honest, if I was in his shoes, and was either upset or heartbroken, I might have made you or anyother woman cover their half.

Then would have ended it after that. There is no recovering from the "your smothering me conversation".

 

[kwillia]

Recently NFCU got word a retailer had possibly compromised credit card numbers so they suspended a bunch of accounts and reissued new cards. I didn't know until I was at the checkout at Lowes and my card was declined and I still had $9K credit limit left.

BOA did that to me one when my debit card fell in a list of cards that were potentially compromised. I knew I had plenty of money in the account so I didn't panic, but it was all the same when I had to pull out a credit card to pay for what I had wanted to pay for.

 

[mAlice]

Then would have ended it after that. There is no recovering from the "your smothering me conversation".

Then stop smothering.

 

[crabcake]

Then stop smothering.

EXACTLY! There WERE a lot of other qualities in him that I really liked. But insisting upon seeing eachother every single day for a week the FIRST week we were dating ... that's a bit much. And as it turned out, I made the right choice because he revealed a lot of other psycho-type qualities in the days that followed. I was happy to cover my own lunch, and I was even happier to cut is crazy ass loose. And for the record, he'd asked me to lunch to try to patch things up after the blow-out we had.

I'm not cheap, and I don't expect anyone to pay my way. But there is a right and wrong way to do things. And if you choose the wrong way, don't be surprised when my onery ass makes an even bigger ass out of you than you made yourself out to be. : shrug:

 

[LordStanley]

Then stop smothering.

Well yeah

But at that point the damage has been done, and its hard to recover from that. Even if the man changes, it will always be in her mind. So everything he does will be smothering.

A smart man (like myself) would chalk that up to experience and learn from the situation. Making sure Its not repeated in the next relationship

 

[mAlice]

EXACTLY!

The last half dozen or so b/f's my daughter dated, she dumped for that very reason.

 

[mAlice]

Well yeah

But at that point the damage has been done, and its hard to recover from that. Even if the man changes, it will always be in her mind. So everything he does will be smothering.

A smart man (like myself) would chalk that up to experience and learn from the situation. Making sure Its not repeated in the next relationship

that's one way of looking at it, I suppose. But any communication in a relationship would always be on one's mind, or should be, so the mistakes aren't repeated.

Even when gurl communicated to new b/f's that she's not a cuddly, smothery type, and that she had dumped guys for that, they still try that suffocation crap. :shrug: Men want women to be honest, but when we are, you just ignore it.

 

[dems4me]

Good God! Who in the hell are you dating and what gutter are you finding them in! Never ever pay for anything ever! I don't care if it's the first or 21st date. And you'd gladly lend him your card and hope for a 2nd date! That's pathetic, really and it's not the thought that counted! Didn't your momma teach you anything!

I'm not getting my dates in a gutter or Hell. I'd think this guy would definately be worth a second date :shrug: And I still think it was thoughtful for him to offer to splurge for dinner :shrug: Lilly, the men earn their money the same way we do, through working our azzes off just to try to get ahead or stay afloat. Its a very nice offer for the guy to pay. :shrug: To me whats more important than paying is, how was the dinner conversation? How was his table manners (did he make more noise than a dog eating? Talk with food in his mouth? Is he someone you can comfortably bring home to eat with parents or coworkers?), was he ogling the prettier watresses? Did he compliment you on how you look for the date? Did he take your coat? Did he offer to pull the seat out for you and push it back in? To me, if he passed all that, a simple oversight in the funds of his card or a bank error wouldn't have phased me much :shrug: Again, it was thoughtful of him to have offered :shrug: It shows good home training and respect for a woman. The thought was definately there and to me as long as the thoughts there, that's allthat counts :shrug: Accidents happen. What bothers me more I think is if he pays for the date with expectations instead of being a gentleman. If he pays for the date and EXPECTS to cop a feel or something. I have a problem with that. Been there, done that... about just as much as I've had the cheap date experience. :shrug:

 

[jazz lady]

I'd pay for the meal and see if he offers to pay me back or asks for a do-over, and play it by ear after that.

That's exactly what I was getting at. Sometimes things happen out of your control. I've had credit and debit cards that were "locked" because I'd reached a set spending limit per day, a credit card that was compromised at a local store and "frozen" until a new card could be issued, and a credit card that was near the limit and the payment never posted.

If I'm going out with him in the first place, I hope I'd have filtered out the weirdos beforehand and this is a legitimate problem. If he doesn't try to rectify the situation, it's so long sucker.

 

[crabcake]

Well yeah

But at that point the damage has been done, and its hard to recover from that. Even if the man changes, it will always be in her mind. So everything he does will be smothering.

A smart man (like myself) would chalk that up to experience and learn from the situation. Making sure Its not repeated in the next relationship

It's recoverable ... completely. Just slow down and take a step back. :shrug: Especially when you DO have a lot of other things in common with the person that really present a good possibility for long-term something-or-other.

If you just chalk it up to a loss, it sounds like you give up too easily, and are afraid of a little constructive criticism. How does that work when someone gives you pointers in the sack? :shrug: Seriously! It wasn't like I bashed the guy in the discussion. I'm not a fighter. I don't yell/argue. I discuss/talk. I don't get worked up over crap. The only reason it got "heated" as because HE got heated.

It's crap like this that makes me wonder how many people who say "I want to be friends first" really understand what that means. It doesn't mean "let's see if we find eachother initially interesting enough to screw on the second date." It means lets see if we can make each other laugh still after a few dates; if we can recover from a silly misunderstanding and still be there for eachother; if we're compatible outside the bedroom first, because if we are, we'll probably have an incredible time inside the bedroom.

At least, that's what "friends first" means to me. :shrug: In this guy's opinion, it either meant the first example I posted above, or it was simply a agreement just to get a date to begin with. But I take that aspect of a relationship seriously. If you can't be friends with someone, how in the hell can you ever love them? :shrug:

 

[crabcake]

The last half dozen or so b/f's my daughter dated, she dumped for that very reason.

I can totally appreciate that. It's not that I don't like to cuddle/snuggle/etc. from time to time, or that I don't want to see someone but once a month. I just need my space so that if I come home one night and I don't feel like yakkin' on the phone or having him over, or meeting him for dinner, etc., I don't have to. And I definately don't want to be made to feel guilty about it.

I've had my share of relationships where one or both of us rushed into it, and that didn't pan out so well. So why not take it slow and appreciate that "dating" phase of a relationship? This guy, though, wouldn't give me a chance to miss him between his constant calls, visits, text messages, etc. ... ALL IN THE COURSE OF ONE WEEK! (a fact I don't think someone picked up on )

 

[LordStanley]

If you just chalk it up to a loss, it sounds like you give up too easily, and are afraid of a little constructive criticism.

You dont me very well. My middle name is persistance. Just ask my wife.....

How does that work when someone gives you pointers in the sack

I dont get pointers in the sack, I give'em (just ask my wife again)

 

[crabcake]

You dont me very well. My middle name is persistance. Just ask my wife.....



I dont get pointers in the sack, I give'em (just ask my wife again)

If you're so persistent, why would you just walk away from someone who says, "Hey, can you give me a little space here, please?"

 

[LordStanley]

If you're so persistent, why would you just walk away from someone who says, "Hey, can you give me a little space here, please?"

first off, No guy wants to hear he's smothering someone. Its like a verbal kick in the balls.

Second, I was only told once in my dating life that I was smothering. That was with my last girlfriend, who was pregnant with our child, and whom Im happily married to at this very moment. Which I later found out I wasnt smothering but her hormons we so out of wack, that no matter what I did it was wrong.

I was trying to give a guys point of view, but I guess I blew it.

 

[itsbob]

What bank do you use? I never heard of a spending limit on a debit card. I've heard of cash limits at ATM's but why would a bank limit you from your OWN money?

Several banks do that.. they limit how many cash or debit transactions you can do a day out of an ATM. or not how many, but how much.. Usually $300 or $500 a day.

I don't know why, but I've never run into a problem with it.

 

[Dymphna]

Several banks do that.. they limit how many cash or debit transactions you can do a day out of an ATM. or not how many, but how much.. Usually $300 or $500 a day.

I don't know why, but I've never run into a problem with it.

I've never had that problem, but I have spent the evening at the mall and come home to a message on the answering machine from the credit card company asking it that was really us at the mall blowing all that money.