Straighten me out

[nightowl]

Mine are not perfect. And I know they won't always make smart choices, however, they both already know they will be held responsible for the choices they make and they are primarily responsible for dealing with any messes. I started this early on... example, if they mess up in a particular class, they are responsible for confronting the teacher, asking for a conference and making amends. If my son doesn't maintain a minimum 3.0 GPA throughout HS ... he will not test for his license at 16. Stuff like that.

You and I parent just alike, I said the same thing to my nephew, no 3.0 no license.

There are consequences and if kids aren't taught that early on then they will end up in a mess because mommy and daddy can't always bail ya out.

 

[pixiegirl]

...in terms of stealing. She tried to wear her sisters shoes the other day without permission but I made her put them back. I'd like to think it wasn't an attempted theft though, technically speaking...

In terms of the lying part, not telling the whole story, came up a week or so ago.

Wearing shoes is borrowing; especially between sisters.

As for lying, apparently she didn't learn her lesson the first time.

 

[vraiblonde]

...she said you were being 'hostile', not harsh.

It's kind of like being "defensive". You are having a disagreement with someone, rather benign. Then the other person says, "Well, you don't have to be so defensive about it." You say, "I'm not being defensive, I'm just telling you my POV." And they go, "See? There you go being defensive again."

NOW you are defensive.

I typically don't start out being hostile. It's only after dealing with denial and prevarication that I start feeling hostile.

 

[Fat Momma]

Okay, so we have stealing, and we have lying. So we can agree on common English terms for these acts.

About the stealing:

Let's say that Z took something out of A's purse without her knowledge, stuck it in her (Z's) pocket.

Is it possible that Z meant it as a joke? Thinking A would look in her purse and go, "Oh no! Where's my (fill in the blank)???" and Z would then pull it out of her pocket and go, "Ha!"

So that's the question - is it possible that Z took A's belonging as a joke?

Yes but a mean joke.

 

[kwillia]

Wearing shoes is borrowing; especially between sisters.

Yeah, but in this day and age of instant communication... there's no excuse for one sis not to ask the other sis first. :shrug:

 

[jazz lady]

...in terms of stealing. She tried to wear her sisters shoes the other day without permission but I made her put them back. I'd like to think it wasn't an attempted theft though, technically speaking...

You're cutting hairs and making excuses for her. IF she hadn't been caught by you, she would have "borrowed" her sister's shoes without her permission. How would YOU feel if Vrai "borrowed" one of your guitars or your golf clubs without your permission?

In terms of the lying part, not telling the whole story, came up a week or so ago.

That to me is worse than the theft...er JOKE...er...BORROWING part.

 

[pixiegirl]

People very rarely change....

Especially when they don't see fault in what they're doing. You have to pick your battles and while I do think that child rearing is an important one you have to look at the big picture as well as the likelyhood of change. Vria is not only happy with her approach but confident enough in it to seek public opinion. She started the thread and got reaffirmed for the most part. What are the chances she's going to change her behavior? Slim to none I'd say. You've said you thought she was a very good parent. No one is perfect, she's not going to change what purpose does continuing this serve?

 

[vraiblonde]

Yeah, but in this day and age of instant communication... there's no excuse for one sis not to ask the other sis first.

Sure there is - because the one sis may say "no, you can't borrow my shoes".

 

[nightowl]

Yeah, but in this day and age of instant communication... there's no excuse for one sis not to ask the other sis first. :shrug:

Exactly!

No permission = stealing

 

[Larry Gude]

No...

I am not sure how old she is Larry, but if this is the worse thing she does, consider yourself lucky.

...this HAS to stop. I expect her to be a stand up person who is not going to try and weasel and excsue and 'oh I forgot that part' her way out of life's trials and challenges. This thread, our issue, is strictly a debate over methods and degree.

There was a case of false advertsing going on at the begining of this trhead, ahem, over whether or not stealing was stealing and lying is lying and what it means when you don't tell the whole truth.

That was never the issue.

 

[kwillia]

Sure there is - because the one sis may say "no, you can't borrow my shoes".

I saw that coming a mile away... but as owner of said shoes, she has that right. Especially if other sis has a history of not taking care of or not returning "borrowed" things...:shrug:

 

[Larry Gude]

Which is...

Sure there is - because the one sis may say "no, you can't borrow my shoes".

...exactly why she didn't wanna call her.

 

[nightowl]

Especially when they don't see fault in what they're doing. You have to pick your battles and while I do think that child rearing is an important one you have to look at the big picture as well as the likelyhood of change. Vria is not only happy with her approach but confident enough in it to seek public opinion. She started the thread and got reaffirmed for the most part. What are the chances she's going to change her behavior? Slim to none I'd say. You've said you thought she was a very good parent. No one is perfect, she's not going to change what purpose does continuing this serve?

It's fun?

 

[pixiegirl]

Yeah, but in this day and age of instant communication... there's no excuse for one sis not to ask the other sis first. :shrug:

This is true. I was looking at it from my personal perspective as to me I'd of minded the disturbance of a phone call to ask first more than the borrowing. Not everyone is like that though.

 

[vraiblonde]

That to me is worse than the theft...er JOKE...er...BORROWING part.

I completely agree with this. I've told the kids since they were small, whatever you do is not as bad as if you lie to me about it. You may get fussed at for the initial wrong, but if you lie NOW you are in trouble.

 

[kwillia]

This thread, our issue, is trictly a debate over methods and degree.

Is it possible that Vrai has upped her "harshness" over the years to counteract your low-profile parenting which has caused an even wider gap between both styles...:shrug:

 

[Larry Gude]

Oh look kids!

It's kind of like being "defensive". You are having a disagreement with someone, rather benign. Then the other person says, "Well, you don't have to be so defensive about it." You say, "I'm not being defensive, I'm just telling you my POV." And they go, "See? There you go being defensive again."

NOW you are defensive.

I typically don't start out being hostile. It's only after dealing with denial and prevarication that I start feeling hostile.

...we're gonna chase each others tail for awhile!!!

And you say that, your way, is entirely the correct way to deal with it and I should shut up or do it myself.

I say you, we, are doing a good job yet might it be a bit better in this area.

Your serve.

 

[pixiegirl]

It's fun?

Only if you're 16. For adults it's draining and leaves you lower than when you started because you didn't accomplish what you set out to.

 

[morganj614]

I completely agree with this. I've told the kids since they were small, whatever you do is not as bad as if you lie to me about it. You may get fussed at for the initial wrong, but if you lie NOW you are in trouble.

No matter how much you try to drill in them that lying is the worst part, sometimes they don't seem to get it

 

[Pete]

Only if you're 16. For adults it's draining and leaves you lower than when you started because you didn't accomplish what you set out to.

You still getting married?