You Were All Such Great Help Before. . .

[LostAngel]

The story about the "fake" you e mailing your husband and setting up a meeting is the one that made me feel for your child. All the distrust flying around, the drug addicts and drunks in the picture leads me to believe you needed to get your child out of that situation sooner.

I did this to prove to myself that he wasn't being spammed on the internet. I started the scheme before he found out that I knew . . . . Yes, I should have taken my daughter sooner - but I really felt that I could make things work. Ever been young and 'in love'??

And yes, I do acknowledge that it was a dumb thing to do. My daughter was not involved, would not have gone to the restaurant with me had I gone, and knows nothing about it.

 

[LostAngel]

I've spent so much energy in this thread defending earlier comments who knows!

I agree if she is not afraid of him physically harming her than they should take some time to cool off and playing games like the fake out profile won't accomplish anything. But she initially said "I am afraid of him now". I stated that if she feared for her safety then get out, and I was not the only one to post this type of opinion. It was later she stated she was not in fear of physical harm. You still have to be careful in these emotionally charged situations because people can fly off the handle, and she does mention his history with alcohol.

He's never been physically harmful to me - has broken a few things in the house - but has never laid a hand on me. He has a short fuse, quick temper, is more the verbally abusive type. I've spent the last 10 years being made to feel inadequate for him, like I wasn't good enough, and could never find anyone else to love me. He's very angry now and keeps calling me - screaming at me. But I really don't think he'd try to hurt me. I mention my fear of him taking our daughter because he knows that's the only way he can hurt me now. I don't have a problem with him seeing her - so long as I get her back before bath time.

 

[vegmom]

He's never been physically harmful to me - has broken a few things in the house - but has never laid a hand on me. He has a short fuse, quick temper, is more the verbally abusive type. I've spent the last 10 years being made to feel inadequate for him, like I wasn't good enough, and could never find anyone else to love me. He's very angry now and keeps calling me - screaming at me. But I really don't think he'd try to hurt me. I mention my fear of him taking our daughter because he knows that's the only way he can hurt me now. I don't have a problem with him seeing her - so long as I get her back before bath time.

Holy Moses! You don't think he'd lay a hand on you? Hon, those are textbook warning signs that someone could turn physically violent! Thank goodness he is no longer in the house with you and your child.

Read this :

http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive_signs.htm

 

[kwillia]

Holy Moses! You don't think he'd lay a hand on you? Hon, those are textbook warning signs that someone could turn physically violent! Thank goodness he is no longer in the house with you and your child.

Why do you keep trying to inflame her... She sounds quite commonsensical to me.

 

[jenbengen]

"I'm very afraid of him right now "

If she has a legitimate fear for her safety she needs to get out and take the child with her. This has nothing to do with parental rights, it's everything to do with responsiblity to protect her child. I would say the same thing if it were the father living with a crazy woman.

She'll have to present evidence of why she is afraid. Otherwise, every person with a vendetta could get a restraining order to make their ex look bad. If it's legit, then she won't have a problem getting one.

 

[vegmom]

Did you read her last post?

Please read the link I posted. Yes, she could be making things up, but giving her the benefit of the doubt that he has done these things it ain't pretty!

 

[kwillia]

Did you read her last post?

Please read the link I posted. Yes, she could be making things up, but giving her the benefit of the doubt that he has done these things it ain't pretty!

Stop! Just because he's an immature, self-centered, egotistical ass doesn't mean he's going to hurt her.

 

[vegmom]

Stop! Just because he's an immature, self-centered, egotistical ass doesn't mean he's going to hurt her.

PLEASE read the link I posted already. Textbook stuff...

 

[jenbengen]

I wouldn't play games like that. If he's meeting women online and having affairs then your lawyer can supoena records. What people who cheat forget is that internet chat records and profiles are FOREVER- saved on the servers of various archiving agencies for spouses and future employers to find.

You obviously know he's a pig- move on and be the better person. You have nothing to gain by following him around other than to say "I told you so". I wouldn't give him a moment of attention for what he is doing. If you keep playing those games, you'll get burned more. Don't be like him. Make this easy on your kid and be a strong woman who doesn't get involved in his crap.

 

[jenbengen]

No they are not, they are rare and when they do happen they are sensationalized and actually much different situations than what has been described here.

I get so tired of the bullchit, "I have lived with this man for XX years and now we are breaking up and I am terrified he is going to do something dastardly" stories, and the posturing to take away or inhibit him from his child like all of a sudden he is a danger and/or not worthy/capable.

You all need to grow the hell up and face facts. You are separating for whatever reason. It is his child JUST AS MUCH as it is yours. People do not turn into Jeffery Dahlmer all of a sudden one Tuesday afternoon. If he already beats your ass regularly or occasionally by all means go and get an order, if he doesn't or hasn't or even hinted he intends to beat your ass or kidnap your kid be an adult and work it out. Simply because you are at odds does not mean he is going to kidnap the kid or harm you.

My hubby's dad was not good at being a husband, but he was an excellent father.

 

[LostAngel]

Did you read her last post?

Please read the link I posted. Yes, she could be making things up, but giving her the benefit of the doubt that he has done these things it ain't pretty!

Thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt! I came here for support on a good lawyer - not for sympathy of my situation so I absolutely have no reason to lie. Yes, there is more I'm not telling - and not planning to tell - but I have not had an easy marriage. And no, I haven't been perfect - although I have no addictions or infidelities. I'm not coming here claiming to be an angel - we got married young and made lots of 'young' mistakes. I will read the link - thank you for posting it.

Maybe I am naive about him. . . .I just can't think of the person I love being like that towards me. Half the day I'm still in denial over the affairs - even though he admitted them! Of course, I love him still - but I despise him too. Unfortunately I can't just flick my emotions off like a light switch. Then it would be much much easier for me.

 

[Pete]

Holy Moses! You don't think he'd lay a hand on you? Hon, those are textbook warning signs that someone could turn physically violent! Thank goodness he is no longer in the house with you and your child.

Read this :

http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive_signs.htm

Geezus

 

[Pete]

PLEASE read the link I posted already. Textbook stuff...

What text book? "The Neo-feminist guide to villifying the man you are mad at and paint him to be the potential mouth frothing rabid beast he really could be, to a judge, despite no evidence or history of violence or neglect."?

 

[mainman]

What text book? "The Neo-feminist guide to villifying the man you are mad at and paint him to be the potential mouth frothing rabid beast he really could be, to a judge"?

She's not a meat eater....

 

[LostAngel]

http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive_signs.htm

This was very freaky for me to look at. Thank you for sending it.

 

[Pete]

She's not a meat eater....

Granola has caused her brain to shrivel.

 

[vegmom]

What text book? "The Neo-feminist guide to villifying the man you are mad at and paint him to be the potential mouth frothing rabid beast he really could be, to a judge, despite no evidence or history of violence or neglect."?

Read the dang link already.

Like I said, she COULD be making things up, but IF her husband is as she desribes he is controlling and emotionally abusive. Add rage and alcohol and the neighbors will be calling the cops.

 

[Geek]

Thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt! I came here for support on a good lawyer - not for sympathy of my situation so I absolutely have no reason to lie. Yes, there is more I'm not telling - and not planning to tell - but I have not had an easy marriage. And no, I haven't been perfect - although I have no addictions or infidelities. I'm not coming here claiming to be an angel - we got married young and made lots of 'young' mistakes. I will read the link - thank you for posting it.

Maybe I am naive about him. . . .I just can't think of the person I love being like that towards me. Half the day I'm still in denial over the affairs - even though he admitted them! Of course, I love him still - but I despise him too. Unfortunately I can't just flick my emotions off like a light switch. Then it would be much much easier for me.

As a mom, you are going to have to. Don't let this blow up and hurt your kid. No one is perfect and this whole situation might get ugly before it gets better. I wish you luck.

 

[vegmom]

This was very freaky for me to look at. Thank you for sending it.

Thanks hon. I don't mean to frighten you, but I would not want you to end up getting hurt either.

 

[Pete]

This was very freaky for me to look at. Thank you for sending it.

Good, now that you are nice and scared you are prime to be the vindictive one and villify your kids father to get your way.

Face it, it sucks. He poked his pecker in some other chick for whatever reason. You can work it out or you can't. Simply because he is an unfaithful turd and hurt your feeling doesn't mean he is dangerous or unfit in any way. If you don't like him calling stop answering the phone.

If you have proof to the contrary do yourself a favor and keep it to yourself until you go find a lawyer. Putting it out here for every kirk out artist, subject matter expert, activist, feminist, and run of the mill nut job to comment on is only going to whip the frenzy further.